Wednesday, October 9, 2013
I've always wondered what it would be like to be stranded on a deserted island. Of course, most times these thoughts occured when I was drinking a scotch at night while leaning back in my recliner at a comfy 72 degrees.
Mosquitoes, sand fleas, dehydration and sunburn notwithstanding, it has always been a fantasy of mine. Reading books since childhood like "Robinson Crusoe" and "Lord Of The Flies" always fascinated me. Survival books and movies were, and still are, of great interest to me.
The tools and survival gear that I thought I would need to survive have been a bit modified since the days I was a strapping young man. Gone are the days when I thought I would build a hut or find a cave to live. My thoughts now lean more towards a hotel on a sandy Caribbean beach with a nearby bar and casino and a comfortable suite to return to after a day at sea.
I thought when the Tom Hanks movie "Castaway" came out, it would be great. Although the movie had its' moments, the script was poorly written and the interjection of a relationship with a volleyball he nicknamed "Wilson", the utter improbability of wading in a coral reef until your feet bled and later became infected and pulling your own tooth were a bit distracting and unnecessary.
Nevertheless, thoughts and fantasies are the foundation of many a trek. One of my heros is my pal Jack who authors a blog entitled Ships Log.
Jack has been all over the world and all of America and he writes his daily blog from the road. He and his wife Sherry are always up to something and his blog is a great read. You can learn more about Jack and Sherry at http://shipslog-jack.blogspot.com/.
My thoughts continue to wander and maybe one day, I'll get the chance to spend a few days by myself on a beautiful island. Well, not exactly alone. There's always my pal Johnnie Walker Black who occasionally accompanies me and sometimes even ghost writes Jimmy's Journal.....
The News As I See It: California Governor Jerry Brown signed a bill that allows illegals in California to practice law. You thought a lot of Americans wanted to close the border before? Wait until lawyers start sneaking across.
According to Pew Research, immigration is on the rise in this country. As you know, immigrants come here to do the jobs Americans don't want to do, like running the government.
The new hundred dollar bill has been sent to banks and it's different. First of all, it's only worth $10. Financial and monetary purists are upset because Ben Franklin, who has long been on the hundred-dollar bill, has been replaced by Ben Affleck.
It's Nobel Prize week. Today's prize was for medicine. Winning the Nobel Prize immediately transforms you from being an unknown scientist into a household name. If you don't believe me, just ask 2012 winners John Gurdon and Shinya Yamanaka.
Joe Biden had to cancel his appearance at a Democratic fundraiser tonight because of the government shutdown. It really got awkward when they announced that Biden wasn't coming and raised twice as much money.
This Date In History: 1635; Religious dissident and Rhode Island founder, Roger Williams, was banished from the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 1888; For the first time the public was admitted to the Washington Monument.
1930; Aviator Laura Ingalls became the first woman to make a solo transcontinental flight across the United States. 1967; Che Guevara was executed in Bolivia. 1975; Soviet scientist Andrei Sakharov was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his work to end the nuclear arms race.
Picture Of The Day: This location ranks right up there in the "places I'd like to live" department .....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Wow man, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop. 2) Money may not buy you happiness, but poverty won’t buy you shit. 3) Much like the giant panda and the snow leopard, the 20-something white girl without a wrist tattoo is now an endangered species. 4) Of course size matters. No one likes a small pizza. 5) I met a girl at the bar last night and after an hour or two, I decided that we may have something in common. She asked me if I would like to go to Ikea. I am now more keenly aware of the difference between "one-night stand" and "one nightstand".....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Libra - October 9th: A masterplan is forming inside your head and you'll be ready to put it into action any day now. The sun doesn't wear a hat, but it's a good idea that you wear one today. Better yet, wear a hard hat. You never know.
Birthdays: My friend Bill - Happy Birthday Buddy 19XX, Camille Saint-Saens, composer 1835, Bruce Catton, historian 1899, John Lennon, former member of the Beatlesm singer, guitarist, songwriter 1940, Trent Lott, politician 1941, Jody Williams, activist 1950, Tony Shalhoub, actor 1953, Scott Bakula, actor, TV producer 1954, Annika Sorenstam, golfer 1970, Steve Burns, actor, musician 1973, Brandon Routh, actor 1979.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A mother is cleaning her teenage daughter's bedroom when she finds a bondage magazine hidden under the bed. She shows it to her husband and asks him, "What do you think we should do?"
After flicking through the magazine, her husband said, "To be honest I'm not sure, but I don't think spanking her is going to help."
Two old ladies were visiting an art gallery where they happened upon the unveiling ceremony for a new sculpture. Being older ladies, by the time the ceremony was due, they had managed to get to the front.
After all the speeches the cover was duly whipped off to reveal a life sized Adonis on a four-foot plinth sporting a 10-inch erection. Both old ladies shot to their feet with a gasp. The first one threw her hands in the air and had a stroke. The second one was a bit shorter and couldn’t reach.
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time.
Halfway through the lecture, he began, "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. The professor said with a broad smile, "Young ladies the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."
Two med students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend, "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says, "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought, but you are wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought, but you are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said, "I thought it was a fart, but I was wrong, too."
That's it for today, my little goobers. Remember, some people are just better left alone.....in a jacket.....in a room with padded walls. I'm off to AREA 51 for happy hour.
More on Friday.
Stay Tuned !