Friday, October 11, 2013

The Government Has Sunken To A New Low

Although the problem has now been resolved by Congress, Obama was "very disturbed" to learn that the Defense Department would not pay death benefits to the families of fallen soldiers according to White House fact spinner and resident gnome, Jay Carney.

But if the Defense Department knew this several weeks ago, why didn't Obama? When did Obama learn about the problem? Jay Carney was asked that question at least six times on Wednesday, but he wouldn't or couldn't say.

Obama doesn't ever seem to know when something goes awry. He didn't know about Benghazi, he didn't know about the IRS scandal, he didn't know about the "Fast and Furious" scandal, ad nauseum.

What the hell is the anointed one aware of? I'll tell you the answer. Obama is aware when it is politically convenient to be aware (read: the assassination of bin Laden). This man is making Jimmy Carter look like a genius.

Obama insists he wasn’t aware of the details causing these scandals until they became public knowledge which leads me to believe conclude that Obama and his administration aren’t capable of managing a two car funeral.

Kanye West, despite his ignorant rants, says that he is a genius. His recent appearance on the Kimmy Kimmel Show only serves to assure me that he's a narcissistic asshole, a belief confirmed by many who know him.

When Kanye interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards, even Obama called him a "jackass" in a CNBC interview. While that's a bit like the proverbial pot calling the kettle black, Obama's opinion was spot on.

The News As I See It: The California health insurance exchange said that over 5 million people went to their website on the first day of Obamacare. It turns out they were off by 4.4 million. It got only 645,000 hits and those were from the same guy just trying to log on over and over.

Obama said that Congress needs to raise the debt ceiling because there aren't any other "rabbits in our hat." Plus, they're still tired from their last trick, where they made thousands of jobs disappear.

The stalemate continues. The two sides are miles apart. But enough about Kris and Bruce Jenner. Bruce Jenner and Kris Kardashian are splitting up after 22 years of marriage. On the plus side, they made it 21 years and 42 weeks longer than Kim's last marriage.

Kris Jenner said she doesn't know if she and Bruce will get divorced. Like the rest of us, she'll have to wait until the writers are done with the script for next season.

A historian has evidence that the Chinese discovered America before Christopher Columbus did. He said the Chinese were the first to sail across the ocean to North America. Then they realized they'd forgotten the sweet and sour sauce and had to go back.

Columbus gets too much credit anyway. First he thought he was coming to India. Secondly, what did he discover? There were already people here. It's like crashing your car through the door of a Starbucks and then saying you discovered coffee.

A new study found that dogs can actually feel genuine love for their owners, while cats just keep a journal of all the things they hate about you.

This Date In History: 1779; Polish patriot and American Revolutionary War commander Casimir Pulaski was killed in the battle of Savannah. 1899; The Boer War began in South Africa. 1915; English nurse Edith Cavell was executed by the Germans.

1939; A letter from Albert Einstein was delivered to President Franklin D. Roosevelt concerning the possibility of atomic weapons. 1962; The first session of Vatican II was convened by Pope John XXIII.

1968; The first staffed Apollo mission, Apollo 7, was launched with astronauts Wally Schirra, Donn Fulton Eisele, and R. Walter Cunningham aboard. 1984; Space shuttle Challenger astronaut, Kathryn Sullivan, became the first American woman to walk in space.

Picture Of The Day: Twilight.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 years old now and I have no idea where the hell she is. 2) I almost hit a deer last night, but then he took back what he said about my mom and we hugged it out. 3) God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question. 4) Every morning is the dawn of a new error. 5) I used to drive around with an old person who knew where everything didn't used to be. Now, I'm that person.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeLibra - October 11th: Destiny awaits you and is waiting with open arms to welcome you into the clubhouse of love. Everything is going perfectly and nothing is going to spoil it.

Birthdays: H. J. Heinz food manufacturer 1844, Eleanor Roosevelt, 1st lady of President Franklin D. Roosevelt 1844, Charles Revson cosmetics industry executive 1906, Joseph Alsop political journalist 1910, Jerome Robbins choreographer 1918, Elmore Leonard writer 1925, Steve Young football player 1961, Joan Cusack comic actress 1962, Luke Perry actor 1966, Michelle Wie golfer 1989.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in the driver's ear and said, ''Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!'' The driver didn't think much of her complaint, but promised he would check into it soon

Later, that same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, ''Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!'' This time, he figured he'd better look into it.

A few passengers had remained on the bus and he decided to go back and question them, to find out if they knew what was going on. He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor beneath the seats and stooped down to question him. ''Excuse me sir, could I help you?''

The elderly man looked up and said, ''Well, sonny you sure can. I've lost my toupee and I'm trying to find it. I thought I'd located it twice, but they were parted in the middle and mine is parted on the side!'"

A man visits his aging father in his new old folks home. The room seems awfully small and his bed is the narrowest he’s ever seen. Despite this, his father is delighted with his new home.

Later, he meets the sister of the home and says, "My father is delighted to be here, what is your secret?" The sister replies, "Well, each night we give him a sleeping tablet and a Viagra tablet."

The son asks," What on earth is the Viagra tablet for? Surely he’s not up to any hanky panky at his age?" The sister replies, "Oh no, but it does stop him from rolling out of bed at night....."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: After deciding that their frail, elderly mother can no longer live alone, a family brings her to a nursing home, hoping she'll be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe the old woman, feed her a tasty breakfast and sit her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems fine, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems fine, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.

Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. The ask her, "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" She replies, "It's pretty nice, except they won't let you fart......"

I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, Informing me that I can have sex at 79. I'm so happy, because I live at number 71. So it's not too far to walk home afterwards and it's the same side of the street. I don't even have to cross the road.

Three convicts - an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman - were on their way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated. On the bus, the Scotsman turned to the Englishman and said, "So pal, whadda bring with yer?"

The Englishman pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Picasso of Prison".

Then he asked the Scotsman, "So, my good man, what did you bring?" The Scotsman pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games."

The Irish convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and the Englishman asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?" The Irishman pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said, "I brought these."

The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?" He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating....."

That's it for today, my little orange blossoms. Remember this survival tip: If a bear charges you, do not try to the classic "leg sweep". They've all seen The Karate Kid and have learned how to defend against it. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Have a terrific weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Amazing what our leader 'does not know!' I am glad he gets a .'CHANCE TO SEE THE NEWS TO LEARN WHAT IS HAPPENING.'


Enjoyed the read as always.

PS: Inquiring minds want to know about '79'!

Paula said...

Lots a stuff about old people here, but it's okay 'cause we need to laugh to keep from crying.