Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Happy New Year 2014

I celebrated the coming of the new year at a party given by my long time friend Mercy and her husband, Pedro. It was a special evening for me because, besides being a friend, Mercy is a singer-musician and has a cable television show.

As you might imagine, many of the people attending were singers and musicians and Mercy has all the equipment necessary for everyone to do their thing.

We celebrated the evening in style, taking a pause from the music to welcome the new year and then back to singing and jamming. as the saying goes, time flies when you're having a good time.

I had a great time singing and playing keyboards with Mercy and the group and arrived home beating the newspaper boy by an easy ten minutes.

I spent most of today sleeping but there's always time to wish every one of my friends and readers a healthy and happy 2014. As you may suspect. today's entry will be limited and concise as my fingers and brain are not working together well.....

The News As I See It: Good Morning America anchor woman Robin Roberts recently announced that she was gay. I haven't been this flabbergasted since Clay Aiken came out of the closet. On a similar note, the Pope announced that he is Catholic.

This Date In History: 1863; Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation. 1908; The ball signifying the New Year was dropped for the first time at Times Square in New York City. 1914; The world's first airline, St. Petersburg Tampa Airboat Line, starts operation in St. Petersburg, Florida.

1959; Fidel Castro and his revolutionaries took over Cuba and toppled Fulgencio Batista's regime. 1975; John Mitchell, H. R. Haldeman, and John Ehrlichman were convicted of obstruction of justice in the Watergate affair.

1993; Czechoslovakia peacefully split into the Czech Republic and Slovakia. 1994; The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) went into effect. 2002 Euro coins and notes went into circulation in twelve European nations.

Picture Of The Day: The new year commeth. Peace, love and happiness to all.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Have you ever had a hangover so bad that you crawl out of the bedroom naked and sleep on the kitchen floor for 6 more hours? Oh, just me? 2) (Me): "Can you validate my parking?" (Parking Lot Attendant) "You parked beautifully. Your dad would be proud." ~ **wipes away tears* ~ (Me): "Thanks."  3) I find a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread. 4) I hate it when I’m trying to be handsome and a more handsome man stands next to me and handsomes much better than I can. 5) Having sex with her is just like a rock concert. We yell and cheer and when she wants an encore, she flicks her lighter. Sometimes I have to tell her that Elvis has left the building.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeCapricorn - January 1st: The post office is going to be lucky for you today as a mystery package arrives for you that, for once, is neither ticking nor covered in mysterious powder. That said, let your mother-in-law open it, just in case.

Birthdays: Lorenzo de' Medici, merchant prince 1449, Huldreich Zwingli, Protestant reformer 1484, Paul Revere, American patriot 1735, Anthony Wayne, general 1745, Betsy Ross, seamstress 1752, Pierre de Coubertin, father of the Modern Olympic Games 1863, Alfred Stieglitz, photographer 1864, J. Edgar Hoover, director of FBI 1895, J. D. Salinger, writer 1919.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." His mother asked, "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" The little boy answered, "Yes,"

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, the sum of which, is four."

 Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a warning sign that read, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the door. Inside, he noticed a harmless little dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.

The stranger asked the owner, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" The owner replied, "Yep, that’s him," came the reply.

The stranger couldn’t help but be amused and said, "That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" The owner explained, "Because before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man went to the corner shop one day. He was only in there for about 5 minutes and when he came out, there was a traffic officer writing a parking ticket for over-running the meter.

So he went up to the cop and said, "Come on, how about giving a man a break?" He ignored the man and continued writing the ticket. So the man called him a "pencil-necked Nazi." The cop glared at him and started writing another ticket for also having parked partially on the pavement.

So the man called him a son of a mutant pig. The cop finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes and the more the man abused him, the more tickets the cop wrote. The man didn't give a damn. His car was parked around the corner.....

A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. The personnel director says, "Well, you’ll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute."

Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute. The director continues, "Also, you must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course." This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time.

The director says, "There’s one last requirement. You must be bilingual." With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"

That's it for today, my little alka-seltzers. Remember, all pans are no-stick pans if you no-cook in them. AREA 51 happy hour will not be on the schedule tonight.

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


Paula said...

Happy New Year Jimmy. I'm gonna get me one of those no-stick pans.

jack69 said...

Ok.... Great read even with limited use of your fingers...
Happy New Year for the last time until 2015.
The funnies cracked me up. 'The sum of which is, 69 today.
We have enjoyed 2013's supply of Jimmy's Journal. You have given us a lot of smiles.. and a bunch of belly laughs, along with a little history.