Friday, January 31, 2014

Super Bowl Sunday

Sunday's Super Bowl will be played in Governor Chris Christie's home state of New Jersey, a state that is accustomed to 300-pound guys blocking things. The forecast is expected to be in the mid-30s. It's above freezing but not so warm that you can smell the bodies in the swamp.

Yep, it's the Denver Broncos versus the Seattle Seahawks in the Big One that, due to both states recent legalization of recreational weed, is now also known as the Marijuana Bowl.

There are still more than 11,000 Super Bowl tickets unsold. Why they would have trouble selling $1,500 tickets to an outdoor event being held in a blizzard that you can watch on TV for free, is beyond me.

The odds makers have the Broncos favored by three points.
While I rarely pay much attention to the oddsmakers, I feel that Denver has the offense edge behind the experience of quarterback Peyton Manning, Defensively, it remains to be seen if Richard Sherman will play as the well spoken Dr. Jekyll or the rude, hot headed, Mr. Hyde.

I look forward to the normally well produced commercials through out the game and I see the outcome as the Denver Broncos defeating the Seattle Seahawks, 24 to 21.

Who will be playing? Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde?

There are certain rites of passage between father and son that are passed down from generation to generation. I fondly recall when my father and I, like his father and he before him, experienced one particular rite. To this day, it still brings tears to my eyes when I sat down with my son and said to him, "Hey Kevin, pull my finger."


The News As I See It: Vice President Joe Biden said that Hillary Clinton's decision to run for president won't affect his decision to launch a campaign. While Hillary says Biden's decision to run for president won't affect her becoming president.

In New Orleans, Hillary Clinton said she still doesn't know if she's running for president in 2016. Isn’t that unbelievable? With 315 million Americans, what are the odds she’s the only one in the country who doesn’t know she’s running for president in 2016?

Obama gave his State of the Union address Tuesday night. Obama says he wants to give "America a raise." He’s just waiting for final approval from China. As soon as they say it’s OK, then we’ll move ahead.

Immediately after the State of the Union address, Joe Theisman delivered the State of his Prostate.

The recent Atlanta snowstorm resulted in a 10-hour traffic jam. People in Los Angeles responded, "You guys need snow for that?"

Fans are expected to eat 21,000 hot dogs on Super Bowl Sunday. So, don’t be surprised when this year’s Budweiser ad doesn’t feature any horses.

The mayor of Sochi is now saying that there are no gay people in Sochi. So the only thing that is flaming over there now is the Olympic torch.

This Date In History: 1606; Guy Fawkes, a co-conspirator in the Gunpowder Plot, was executed. 1865; Robert E. Lee was appointed commander-in-chief of the Confederate forces.

1865; The House of Representatives approved the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution, which abolished slavery in the United States.

1940; The first social security check was issued to Ida Fuller for $22.54. 1958; The first U.S. earth satellite, Explorer I, was launched. 1990; The first McDonald's opened in Russia.

Picture Of The Day: Will Peyton Manning's experience affect to outcome of the Super Bowl?

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Watching the Obama propaganda machine in motion, I realized that the average octopus spends two thirds of its life rolling up its sleeves. 2) Sure, women "say" that you don't need men anymore, but just wait until we start packaging tampons in tightly sealed jars. 3) Jehovah's Witnesses door-to-door success rate would be a lot higher if they partnered up with the Girl Scouts and started selling cookies 4) I'd love to have a sex change, preferably from "none" to "shitloads". 5) Even if I’m mad at my girlfriend, I should be mature enough not to flush the toilet on purpose while she’s in the shower, but it turns out I’m not.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeAquarius - January 31st: Horoscopes have always had a tendency to be wrong for you, but today's will be a peach. The partner of your dreams will realize you are worthy of attention, today. Stock up on alcohol and remember to change the sheets.

Birthdays: My friend Tressa - Happy Birthday girl ! 19XX, Franz Schubert, Austrian composer 1797, Zane Grey, author 1872, Tallulah Bankhead, actress 1902, John O'Hara, novelist and short-story writer, 1905, Thomas Merton, religious writer and poet 1915, Jackie Robinson, baseball player 1919, Carol Channing, comedienne, singer 1921, Norman Mailer, writer 1923, Minnie Driver, actress 1970.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher, I sure am."

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. The preacher asks, "Have you found Jesus?" The drunk replies, "No, I didn't!" The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" The drunk says, "No, I did not Reverend."

The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My Good man, have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and asks the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

A policeman cruising past a bar after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out front. He goes around the back of the pub only to find two bikers, one with his fingers up the ass of the other.

The cop says, "What's going on here?" The biker replies, "My friend here has had too much to drink and I'm trying to make him vomit."

The cop says, "I think you should be sticking your fingers down his throat!" The biker replies, "That's what I'm going to do next!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Prince Charles finds an ancient wine bottle in the cellar of Windsor Castle. When he opens it, a genie flies out and grants him a wish. Charles is ecstatic as just that morning he had reversed his Range Rover over the Queen's favourite corgi and squashed it flat.

He asks the genie to bring back the dog to life as the Queen would be furious and upset. The genie examines the dog which is splattered all over the drive and tells Charles that there is nothing he can do so he'd best chuck the dog in the garbage.

Charles then asks the genie if he could make his girlfriend Camilla Parker-Bowles beautiful as the media were always making fun of her looks. The genie thinks for a moment scratches his head and says, "On second thought, get that f*cking dog out of the garbage again!"

 A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "Okay! You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. The supports would never reach the bottom of the Pacific. No, think of another wish." The man said okay and tried to think of a really good wish.

Finally, the man said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women. To know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment and why they're crying. I want to know what they really want when they say 'nothing', how to make them truly happy."

The genie said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?

That's it for today, my little Bud Lites. Remember, sober me will always have your back. Drunk me will convince you to get a tattoo of a unicorn doing a dolphin over a rainbow on your back. I'm off to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Like the entry and your educated guess. On your word I’m betting Sherry a $1 the Bronco’s are going to win. Doesn’t matter who wins she is used to me not paying up.

Great Hillary line and the traffic jam Question!

You wouldn’t, the flushing and shower thing?

I had to join the service to learn the pull my finger thing! Dad didn’t teach me the important crap!

Not funny about the dog and the trash can.. I tried not to laugh!!

Thanks for a good read. Have a good win and I hope all you bets pay off and you win the Superbowl Pool!

Rose said...

Enjoy the game Sunday!