Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Another Resolution Bites The Dust

I made a few new year's resolutions, but today's kale salad eliminated resolution #4. The only thing I really knew about kale was that it was that little bush I scraped off my plate to get to my steak. A cute decoration but it tastes like crappola.

With all the talk about eating healthier and the benefits of kale, I thought I might have been missing something. Nope, tried it, still tastes like crappola.

I'm starting to wonder if people who are eating all this organic, weedy looking stuff are just playing a joke on everyone because they have to eat it to maintain their weight.

I'm open to trying new foods, but kale, tofu and other miserable new trends, along with my long time despised enemies (liver and asparagus spears) are avoided at all costs and slated for the nearest garabage disposal.

In Other News: Hillary Clinton, in a softball interview with MSNBC’s Chris Matthews, vehemently denied she’s a socialist, but found herself unable to answer what the difference is between a Democrat and a socialist.

Clinton’s main rival for the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination is Vermont senator and self-proclaimed democratic socialist Bernie Sanders. Matthews asked Clinton, “What’s the difference between a socialist and a Democrat? Is that a question you want to answer or would you rather not?” “You’d have to ask [Sanders],” Clinton said before being interrupted by Matthews.

Mathews continued, "You see, I’m asking you. You’re a Democrat, he’s a socialist. Would you like someone to call you a socialist?” Matthews asked. “I am not one,” Hillary responded without answering the question. “OK, well what’s the difference between a socialist and a Democrat?” Matthews asked again.

“I can tell you what I am, I am a progressive Democrat,” Clinton responded. “How is that different than a socialist?” Matthews asked a third time.

“I am a progressive Democrat who likes to get things done,” Clinton continued. “And who believes we’re better off in this country when we’re trying to solve problems together. Getting people to work together. There will always be strong feelings and I respect that, from, you know, the far right, the far left, libertarians, whoever it might be, but we need to get people working together. We’ve got to get the economy fixed, get all of our problems, you know, really tackled and that’s what I want to do.” (You know?)

(Way to dodge answering the question, Hillary! But, don't fret. Debbie Wasserman Schultz couldn't answer the same question from Chris Mathewws either.)

The News As I See It: A new company is offering customers a chance to cut their hotel bills in half if they are willing to share their room with a stranger. The company is called Jose Cuervo.

It came late, but El Niño finally arrived in Los Angeles. In case you didn’t know, El Niño is Spanish for "Little Boy." So apparently the reason El Niño was so late is because it wanted to make sure Jared Fogle was in prison.

Video has surfaced of employees of a Southern California Pizza Hut smoking marijuana on the job during New Year’s Eve. That explains why almost every pizza they delivered that night had a slice missing.

This Date In History: 1540; King Henry VIII of England married his 4th wife, Anne of Cleves. 1759; George Washington married Martha Custis. 1838; Samuel Morse gave the first public demonstration of the telegraph. 1912; New Mexico became the 47th state in the United States.

1919; Former president Theodore Roosevelt died in Oyster Bay, N.Y. 1987; University of California astronomers first witnessed the birth of a galaxy that contained 1 billion stars. 1994; Figure skater Nancy Kerrigan clubbed on leg by men including husband of rival skater Tonya Harding.

Picture Of The Day: Too much?

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If the NSA has my house bugged, they've probably heard several impromptu songs about my cat Samantha being a good girl. 2) This kale salad tastes like I'm about done with New Year's Resolution number four. 3) I was sending an email and my computer tells me, "You're attachment is too large." I blushed and responded coyly, "My eyes are up here." 4) The Red Cross knocked on my door and asked if I could contribute towards the droughts in Iran, Pakistan and Syria. I said I'd love to, but my garden hose only reaches the end of the driveway. 5) I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll keep you posted.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Capricorn - January 6th: You may wonder why the government doesn't have a charity where the government collects love from the wealthy-in-love and gives it to the love-starved. Hey, don't look at me, the concept works for the democrats.....

Birthdays: Heinrich Schliemann, archaeologist 1822, Carl Sandburg, American poet and biographer 1878, Tom Mix, actor 1880, Khalil Gibran, poet and novelist 1883, Abram Nicholas Pritzker, entrepreneur 1896, Loretta Young, actress 1913, Danny Thomas, actor, singer, dancer 1914, E L Doctorow, novelist 1931, Rowan Atkinson, actor 1955, Nancy Lopez, golfer 1957.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbors boy, the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear, dragged him to his house and confronted his mother.

The boy's mother said, "It's only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age." The girl's mother yelled, "Sexuality my ass! He took out her appendix!"

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!"

The preacher said, '"Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity." The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!" The preacher said, "No shit?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A mother of five decides to get plastic surgery on her privates so her husband can enjoy the snugness she had in her youth. So, she heads off to the doctor for the procedure.

Once the procedure is done, she wakes up to find three roses on her bed, and asks the nurse who sent them. The nurse says, "The doctor wanted you to know he appreciates the business, so he left you a rose."

The nurse continued, "Then your husband came in with a rose, stating that he can't wait to feel the results of the surgery, so he left a rose, too."

The woman asked, "What about the third rose?" The nurse replied, "Oh, that's from Ed in the burn unit. He wanted to say thanks for the new ears."

Two 60 year old men sat talking over the weather and the latest in medical science when one brings up the latest male medical miracle, Viagra. The other wasn't familiar with Viagra and asked the first man what it was for.

The first man said, "It's the greatest thing I've ever known. The Fountain of Youth! Makes you feel like a man of 30." The second man then asked, "Can you get it over the counter?" The first man said, "Probably, if you took 2 pills."

That's it for today, my little hamsters. Remember, a weeping willow tree is just like a regular willow tree, only married. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

So that is what you call the crinkled stuff, Kale? I thought that was Yarborough?
Never thought of two pills, gotta try that!
Better luck with Resolution #5 or Love potion #9.......