Friday, January 22, 2016
Jonas Is Expected To Be One Whale Of A Winter Storm
I hate cold weather. I have skied in Vail and Lake Tahoe, but it's a dry cold. Dressed properly, it is very pleasant. East coast snow, however, is wet and miserable. That is the kind of cold that renders me useless. I feel for those who will go through it this weekend.
Oddly enough, the coldest I've ever been was on a camping trip in the Florida Everglades where the official temperature was 38 degrees. The weatherman failed to mention that the cutting wind was gusting up to 25 miles per hour and 'glades temps are usually 4-5 degrees colder.
There is nothing more miserable than a cold, humid 33 degree wind that cuts through you like a knife, especially when you're a young and fearless young man who neglected to check the weather forecast before going camping.
Jonah has already turned deadly churned up the East Coast on Friday afternoon, forecast to transform into an angry blizzard that could bury the nation's capital under more than 2 feet of snow.
The weekend whiteout, which threatens to be Washington, D.C.'s worst in a century and bring blizzard conditions to Philadelphia and New York, has led to 6,000 canceled flights and caused at least six deaths. The storm is expected to last well into Sunday.
Sounds like a good reason to stay home this weekend.....
The News As I See It: Jeb Bush was talking about the Obamas and mispronounced their daughter Malia's name and it sounded like he said "Malala." Then his brother George was like, "Heh! Looks like the student has become the mustard!"
Bernie Sanders is leading Hillary Clinton in New Hampshire by 27 points. Bernie is very well liked among Democratic voters. Among those likely to vote in the primary, his favorability rating is 91 percent — that is incredibly high, as are many of his supporters.
This Date In History: 1901; Queen Victoria of England died after reigning for 63 years (the 4th longest among longest-reigning monarchs and the longest for queens).
1905; 500 workers were killed by the Czar's troops in "Bloody Sunday" in St. Petersburg. 1938; Thornton Wilder's play Our Town first performed publicly in Princeton, N.J. 1973; Former President Lyndon B. Johnson died at age 64.
1973; The Supreme Court legalized some abortions in Roe v. Wade. 1997; The U.S. Senate confirmed Madeleine Albright as the first female secretary of state.
Picture Of The Day: Hillary Nixon.....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I have always been suspicious of Wendy's hamburgers because they are square, much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature. 2) Five out of six people enjoy Russian Roulette. 3) For the past two nights my stomach sounds like cat purring when I lay down. I'm terrified to Web MD this. I'm too old to have kittens. 4) Even the stick figure woman on my girlfriend's back window has a headache. 5) My friend said his new glasses made everything look much bigger so I bought them from him and gave them to my girlfriend.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - January 22nd: Keep you chin up and out your best foot forward, that is, assuming you know which foot is best. If not, give it your best guess.
Three times a lady is a hell of a lot of lady, you might think. But later on this week you might thinking, "Well, now that just seems like a fairly standard amount of lady." And if you think that, well then, I will have done my job.
Birthdays: Francis Bacon, philosopher 1561, John Winthrop, colonial governor 1588, Andre Marie Ampere, physicist 1775, George Gordon Noel Byron, poet 1788, August Strindberg, dramatist 1849, Beatrice Potter Webb, socialist economist 1858, D.W. Griffith, filmmaker 1880, U Thant, U.N. statesman 1909, Bill Bixby, actor, TV director 1934, Diane Lane, actor 1965.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A little boy was sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks that he has been in there too long, so she goes to see what's up.
The little boy is sitting on the toilet looking at a book and every 15 seconds or so, he puts the book down, grips the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of his head with his right hand.
His mother says, Tommy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while." Tommy says, "I'm ok Mommy, I just haven't gone potty yet."
His mother says, "Okay, you can stay a few more minutes but, why are you hitting yourself on the head?" Tommy replies, "It works for ketchup....."
A man took his wife to the doctor and was sitting in the waiting room when the doctor came out to see him. He said, "Mr. Goldblatz, I have good news. Your wife is in good health and the only think she needs for her to be better is to have sex on Wednesdays and Saturdays."
Mr. Goldblatz said, "Ok, Doc, if you think that will help. I can bring her here on Wednesdays but Saturdays I go fishing, so she'll have to take the bus."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Two cowboys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first cowboy says his favorite position is the "rodeo". The other cowboy asks what the position is and how do you do it?
The first cowboy says, "You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then do it doggy style. Once things start to get under way and she’s really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear: 'Your sister likes this position too.' Then try to hang on for 8 seconds."
Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night.
You gotta love George.....!
That's it for today, my little anchovies. Remember, stick figures on the back of cars are not to keep track of how many jaywalkers you've hit, so it's best to remove them. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !