Friday, January 1, 2016

Happy New Year 2016

2015 has quietly slipped away and I look forward to 2016 and the pleasure of being with my friends and family, enjoying the new things that the new year will bring. While financial prosperity is not on the near horizon, Americans can weather the storm.

Hopefully, with a republican president, the economy will get better, If not, we'll probably have to deal with the queen who still has her fair share of problems on the horizon. Time will tell.

I look forward to is seeing the end of Obama's term of office. Hopefully, he'll move back to Chicago where he'll blend back in with the homies.

I would like to see parents tighten down on making sure that their children don't grow up to be functional illiterates. The obvious lack of knowledge and horrible spelling are a sure fire ticket to becoming a future manager at MacDonalds.

The News As I See It: Teach a liberal to fish and he'll add to the global over-depletion of the oceans, then complain about global warming while he cashes his government check at the liquor store, so just give him the damned fish.

This Date In History: 1863; Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation. 1908; The ball signifying the New Year was dropped for the first time at Times Square in New York City. 1914; The world's first airline, St. Petersburg Tampa Airboat Line, starts operation in St. Petersburg, Florida.

1959; Fidel Castro and his revolutionaries took over Cuba and toppled Fulgencio Batista's regime. 1975; John Mitchell, H. R. Haldeman, and John Ehrlichman were convicted of obstruction of justice in the Watergate affair.

1993; Czechoslovakia peacefully split into the Czech Republic and Slovakia. 1994; The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) went into effect. 2002; Euro coins and notes went into circulation in twelve European nations.

Picture Of The Day: Oprah bought stock in WeightWatchers but I don't think it will help.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Nothing says "My divorce didn't go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycle handlebars. 2) Apparently my girlfriend believes that if she didn't tell me where to turn when I’m driving, I’d just keep going straight until I hit an ocean. 3) Yes, your honor, I did, but in my defense she was screaming loudly and I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish. I washed it right off. 3) 4) At midnight on New Year's Eve, I said to my girlfriend, "I want to kiss you everywhere!" She said, "You mean New York, Paris and London?" I said, "Uh, yeah, that's what I meant." 5) Grilled cheese is just regular cheese that's been forced to account for its whereabouts last night between 9pm and 1am.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Capricorn - January 1st: Your lucky goat name for today is Penelope. Walk without shoes for a day and you will soon understand the nature of the sole.......soul.

Birthdays: Lorenzo de' Medici, merchant prince 1449, Huldreich Zwingl Protestant reformer 1484, Paul Revere, American patriot. Paul went on to form a musical group called Paul Revere and the Raiders 1735, Anthony Wayne, general 1745, Betsy Ross, seamstress 1752, Pierre de Coubertin, father of the Modern Olympic Games 1863, Alfred Stieglitz, photographer 1864, J. Edgar Hoover, director of FBI 1895, J. D. Salinger, writer 1919.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A chicken farmer went to the local bar. He sat next to a woman and ordered champagne. The woman said, "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne."

The farmer said, "What a coincidence, it is a special day for me. I'm celebrating." The woman said, "It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!" While they toasted, the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?"

The woman replied, "My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today, my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant."

The farmer said, "What a coincidence. I am a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs."

The woman said, "This is awesome! What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?" The farmer said, "I used a different rooster." The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence."

Two Irish nuns were sitting at a traffic light in their car when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull alongside of them. One of the drunks shouts, "Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!"

The Mother Superior turns to Sister Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are. Show them your cross."

Sister Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off ye little fookin' wankers before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"

Sister Immaculata then looks back at the Mother Superior and asks, "Was I cross enough?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man picked up his lovely date at her parent's home. He had barely saved enough money to take her to a fancy restaurant.

She ordered shrimp cocktail, foie gras, lobster and Dom Perignon champagne, the most expensive items on the menu.

He asked her, "Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?" She replied, "No, but my mother's not expecting sex tonight."

He asked, "What would you like for dessert?"

Two bats are going for their midnight feed. After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood. The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth.

The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?" The second bat replies, "Follow me. I'll show you."

After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?" The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!" Other bat says, "I didn't."

That's it for today, my little revelers. Remember, every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate "I love you!" and "I will kill you!" with a single look. Happy Hour in AREA 51 is a bit iffy.

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Have a great New Year's Day weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

Man I am looking forward to the Prez moving back to Chicago!!!
I think the sister did very well with her cross and I guess the lady did okay with a different Rooster also!
HAPPY NEW YEAR I hope it is the best yet!...