Quit Complaining And Learn To Play The Hand You're Dealt

In life, there will always be the "haves" and the "have-nots". Let's assume life begins on an even basis and no one has money, bias or political identity. Life gives you certain abilities. Circumstance and surroundings may help or hinder your progress but it doesn't affect your abilities.

For the sake of argument, let's assume there is only one party which we will randomly name the Libtard Party. Sooner or later, in that one party and with the same supposed aim, there would eventually be "haves" and "have-nots".

Sooner or later, that difference will cause a rift in the party, with the "haves" protecting what they have and they "have-nots" coveting the "haves"' possessions. Et, voila! You now have a two party system in its infancy, the second of which we will randomly call the Miserly Party.

Ability, combined with work, luck and circumstance will always define the "haves". Let's assume everyone was stripped of their assets and given the same amount of money as a start up in life. In a short amount of time, the people with the most abilities would become the "haves".

Here is where the logic of playing the hand you're dealt comes into play. Instead of griping about what you don't have, use your knowledge and your particular abilities to improve your life.

Although you may not move much farther up the ladder, I can assure you that you will be better off than the complainers and gripers.

The News As I See It: The White House revealed over the weekend that Obama privately met with Bernie Sanders. When Hillary Clinton heard this, she fake-smiled so hard, her ears touched in the back. Additionally, the White House has joined Snapchat. It's a great platform for the White House, because moments after Obama makes a promise, it magically disappears.

Sanders said that if he’s elected, he plans to spend $1 trillion to fight unemployment. When asked what they would do with that kind of money, unemployed people said, "Retire!"

Mexican drug lord El Chapo was captured by authorities after meeting with Sean Penn. As a result, Bill Cosby canceled his lunch with Sean Penn.

El Chapo is back in the same prison he escaped from six months ago but they revoked his tunnel privileges this time. The plan is they're hoping to extradite him to the United States so he can be tried by a jury of his customers.

A day after he was caught, El Chapo actually sat down for an interview with Sean Penn while he was on the run. In the interview, El Chapo described himself as "a person who's not looking for problems in any way. You know, except for that whole 'Mexican drug lord' thing, I'm just a humble drug lord! I chop up my enemies one leg at a time, just like anybody else."

The world-famous Playboy Mansion is for sale. Fortunately, so is bleach.

This Date In History: 1773; The first public museum in the U.S. was established in Charleston, S.C. 1896; H. L. Smith took the first X-ray photograph. It was a hand with a bullet in it. 1915; The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a proposal to give women the right to vote.

1932; Hattie W. Caraway, a democrat from Arkansas became the first woman to be elected to the U.S. Senate. 1964; One month after Zanzibar became independent, the ruling Zanzibar Nationalist Party was overthrown in a violent coup.

1991; A divided Congress gave President Bush the go-ahead on the Persian Gulf War. 1998; Nineteen European countries signed an agreement banning human cloning.

2010; Haiti is dealt a catastrophic blow when a magnitude 7.0 earthquake strikes 10 miles southwest of Port-au-Prince, the country's capital. It is the region's worst earthquake in 200 years. The number of fatalities were between 46,000 and 85,000 people.

Picture Of The Day: Sometimes the have-nots are really the haves.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Anyone who feels bad about dumping a huge national debt on the next generation hasn't spent a lot of time around teenagers. 2) I hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he's a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator. 3) There should be mandatory common sense and IQ tests at age 16. If you do not pass, you get spayed or neutered. 4) The ending of "Romeo and Juliet" is only sad if you think two fourteen year-olds should have gotten married. 5) My girlfriend just slung off her bra and threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, today is Wednesday.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Capricorn - January 13th: A horoscope will affect your decisions today as love will strike on your heart and make you ask someone out, someone you would never previously have had the heart do ask out. They'll still deny your wishes but they may have an ugly step-sibling who they reckon needs a "good seeing to".

Birthdays: Charles Perrault, poet 1628, Edmund Burke, political writer and statesman 1729, John Hancock, political leader in the American Revolution and signer of the Declaration of Independence 1737, John Singer Sargent, painter 1856, Jack London, novelist 1876, P. W. Botha, political leader 1916, James Farmer, civil rights leader 1920, Joe Frazier, boxer 1944, Rush Limbaugh radio personality 1951.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.

The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman stared straight ahead.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman stared straight ahead.

The waitress, thinking this behavior a bit risque and worried that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the woman "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in."

Two psychiatrists were attending their first seminar on emotional extremes. The seminar leader said, "Just to establish some parameters, Mr. Nichols, what is the opposite of joy?" Mr. Nichols replied, "Sadness."

The leader replied, "Very good, Mr. Nichols. The leader continued, "And the opposite of depression, Mr. Biggs?" Mr. Biggs answered, "Elation." The leader replied, "Excellent, Mr. Biggs!"

The leader turned to Bubba and asked, "And you sir, how about the opposite of woe?" Bubba replied, "I believe that would be giddyup."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Speaking of complainers:

An older man is accidentally killed and finds himself being interviewed by Satan. The man asked Satan, "Why am I here? I thought I led a rather sin free life."

Satan replied, "You were always bitching and complaining, so God thought you could spend some time down here with me to become more thankful of what you had. Go now and stop complaining. You will be reevaluated in a month."

The doors opened onto a large lake of shit and a beach. The man noticed a smiling younger man up to his ears in crapola.

Suddenly, a speedboat flashed by the young man, its wake going over the young man's head two or three times. Still, as the wake subsided, the young man continued to smile.

The older man cried out to the young man, "Why are you smiling? You're up to your ears in crap and the waves from that speedboat just went over your head tree times." The young man replied. "I'm just thinking about the guy I'm standing on top of....." 

Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. The first man asks the second, "How did you die?" The second man says, "I froze to death."

The first man says, "That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?" The second man replies, "It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping."

The second man asks, "How did you die?" The first man says, "I had a heart attack. You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either."

He continued, "I ran as fast as I could to the attic and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head and says, "that's so ironic."

The first man says, "What do you mean?" The second man replies, "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

That's it for today, my little Jonathan Livingston Seagulls. Remember, hockey is more tolerable if you pretend they're fighting over the world's last Oreo. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More on Friday.

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