Friday, May 7, 2010

I Never Cared Too Much For Birthdays But I Guess They're Better Than The Alternative

Well, I went and did it again. I'm having another birthday as we speak and so far, I see no reason to call the paramedics. Since the day's not over yet, I do have them on speed dial, just in case. Then again, I should also put the police department on speed dial. You never really know who's going to wreak havoc in AREA 51.

One of my girl friends wanted to get me a birthday cake but I nixed that idea in the bud. The last time they lit a birthday cake for me in public, a group of campers formed a circle and started singing. Kinda looked like a prairie fire. For the most part, I never really cause too many problems in AREA 51, especially on my birthday. The last altercation that I can remember was over a bar stool. Some girl wanted to sit down on it and I wanted to use it as a walker.

Since I never plan ahead, I have no idea of what I will do or where I will go tonight. I have prepared a name tag with my name and address on it that I will pin to my jacket in case I get lost. I also will carry my bag of bread crumbs to drop along the way in order to find my way home. I just hope those damned ducks don't follow me again.

A big thank you to all my Blogger and Facebook pals for the many birthday wishes today. You guys make my day!

The News As I See It: Wednesday was Cinco De Mayo and yesterday was Sinko de Dow Jones stock market. The market was so bad today that Goldman Sachs had to lay off three congressmen. Cinco De Mayo is the only day that, if you get pulled over for drunk driving, they put salt around the rim of the breathalyzer. Cinco de Mayo is a holiday celebrated by over 80 million Mexicans and that’s just in Los Angeles.

Greece has overspent on large social programs, with a national debt so large that they can never pay it back. Thank God that could never happen here....

The United Nations has appointed Iran to sit on the Women’s Rights panel. Also on the panel: Ben Roethlisberger, Chris Brown, Phil Spector, Robert Blake, and chairman, O.J. Simpson.

This Date In History: 1824; Beethoven's 9th Symphony premiered in Vienna. 1847; The American Medical Association was organized in Philadelphia, Pa. 1915; The British ocean liner Lusitania was sunk by a German submarine in World War I off the coast of Ireland.

1945; Germany unconditionally surrendered to the allies in Rheims, France. 1954; The 56-day-long battle of Dienbienphu ended with Ho Chi Minh's forces defeating the French, signaling the end of French power in Indochina. 1992; The 27th Amendment to the Constitution, prohibiting mid-term Congressional pay raises, was ratified.

1994; Edvard Munch's painting, The Scream was recovered a few months after it had been stolen. 1999; During action against Yugoslavia, NATO jets mistakenly bombed the Chinese embassy in Belgrade, killing three and injuring 20. 2000; Vladimir Putin was inaugurated as Russia’s president.

Picture Of The Day: Just some pictures that amuse me and make me laugh. I hope they do the same for you.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? 2) A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. 3) A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer. 4) If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child. 5) Deja Vu - When you think you're doing something you've done before, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.....and that's five !

Birthdays: Robert Browning, poet 1812, Johannes Brahms, composer 1833, Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky, composer, 1840, Archibald MacLeish, poet and public official 1892, Gary Cooper, film actor 1901, Eva Peron, political leader 1919, Johnny Unitas, football player 1933.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" The old man replied, " No, arthritis."

California winemakers in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night. The new wine will be marketed as Pino More.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A young boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son. "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car." The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm real disappointed you haven't gotten your hair cut." The young man paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair." To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven. The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."

The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question. The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word. The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."

Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me? The Angel said, "Sorry, Dolly, but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."

A man goes to visit his doctor and tells him, "Doc, I've got a rather embarrassing problem, my farts just don't sound right," The doctor asks, "Well how do they sound?" The man says they make a "Honda" sound. The doctor looks puzzled, "Hmm, is there anything else I should know?" The man says, "Well I also have a terrible boil on my ass."

The doctor looks pleased, "That's it then. We'll lance that boil and you'll see a difference immediately," The man asks, "Why is that, Doc?" The doctor replies, "It's well known that abscess makes the fart go Honda."

I would like to wish a Happy Mother's Day to all the hard working Moms whose daily efforts to raise a child can never really be appreciated. May your day be serene, peaceful and filled with love !

That's it for today my little kittens. Remember, you do not need a parachute to skydive. You do, however, need a parachute to skydive twice. This special day calls for a trip to AREA 51 for Happy Hour and more. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

15 comments:

Linda's World said...

Happy to hear you're pinning anote with your name & address on your jacket. And I hope the ducks don't eat the bread crumbs. What ever you do, have fun & don't forget to feed the cat. This old mom is heading out to mow the lawn. Linda in Washington where the sun is shining & the temp is nearing 65*.

Julie said...

Happy Birthday Jimmy and behave yourself and be safe. Buy yourself a nice drink and pretend it was from me today.

salemslot9 said...

happy birthday
dear Jimmy
I bet Possum
was extra cute
today
may all your
drinks be free
xo

jack69 said...

There should be some exception to the pair and the royal flush!!!!

Thanks for the laughs. Always get a good chuckle. Hope you have a great weekend at AREA 51.

Penny said...

Hope your birthday is wonderful! I'll put a buck in the one armed bandit for you. Blessings, Penny

Paula said...

Hope your day today was a nice one and your night is even nicer. Happy birthday and many many more, Paula

madcobug said...

Happy Birthday! Good idea to use the name tag. Helen

Coelha :B said...

Feliz anniversario! :) Muitos parabens! ;) Julie
P.S. I have yet to hear about this new wine here in California--lol...very cute.

Missie said...

Hope you're having a great birthday!

Rose said...

Happy Birthday Darling!

Hugs,Rose

Anne said...

HAPPY, HAPPY Birthday Baby and may you be blessed with many more. You make my life a happier one. Love ya, Anne

Joann said...

Happy Birthday, Jimmy!! I'm having a glass of wine in your honor!! = )

Loved the jokes today as always!!

Martha said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIMMY!!! I'll have the bloody mary's ready when you get up this morning. I have a feeling you are going to need one!

For us old folks it's a good day when we wake up on the right side of the dirt, LOL ;-)

Have a great birthday weekend. Party on!

Melanie said...

happy birthday Jimmy!
hope you had fun,,,I'm sure you did!



Melanie

Ally Lifewithally said...

I'm still laughing at a Royal Flush Beats a pair anyday ~ Jimmy I really do hope your Special Birthday was a Great one and you had a wonderful time celebrating it ~ Ally x