BP Oil Needs A Big Hole Drilled In It's Wallet !

The BP Gulf oil leak is quickly becoming a major disaster. When the leak was first announced, I predicted that it would be much worse than BP officials stated and unfortunately, I was right. The worst part about this debacle is that these assholes did not have emergency plans to deal with a catastrophe and the government never really checked to see if there was an emergency plan.

The damage that is being done to the gulf fisheries and wildlife is going to be catastrophic, not to mention the loss of jobs and income that Gulf residents derive from tourism, fishing and other related industries. As usual, BP and their associated contractors are all busy pointing the finger at each other. You can be sure that their staff of lawyers are busy looking for every loophole in the law to evade and avoid paying for this mess.

I have always believed that offshore oil drilling is an accident looking for a place to happen and my worst fears have been realized. Ecologically, offshore drilling is about as safe as getting your drinking water from a toilet.

In California, the Los Angeles City Council overwhelmingly approved a boycott of Arizona-based businesses and governments unless the state repeals a new law giving police the power to question a detainee's immigration status. Several other California cities, including San Francisco and Oakland, have already adopted resolutions requesting city departments to not sign any new contracts with Arizona companies.

The Arizona law requires immigrants to carry their registration documents at all times and allows police to question individuals' immigration status in the process of enforcing any other law or ordinance.

California is a state that thought it was a good idea to elect Arnold Schwarzenegger as their governor and is facing a twenty billion dollar deficit in their budget. If these facts are not self-explanatory, read: An estimated 2,209,000 of California residents (800,000 in Los Angeles) are illegal immigrants who do not pay state income taxes.

I am for legal immigration. I am against illegal immigration and allowing illegal immigrants to jump in front of the list of immigrants who are patiently going through the long legal process of American citizenship. If this is not abundantly clear, please refer to the map below.

The Preakness Stakes: Kentucky Derby winner Super Saver was made the early 5-2 favorite Wednesday for the Preakness Stakes, and he'll break from the starting gate next to beaten Derby favorite Lookin At Lucky. Trained by Todd Pletcher and ridden by Calvin Borel, Super Saver drew the No. 8 post in the field of 12 -- two short of the maximum -- for Saturday's 1 3/16-mile race at Pimlico." Last year, Borel rode favored filly Rachel Alexandra to victory over the boys from the No. 13 post on the far outside.

The News As I See It: The Senate voted to toughen standards for home loans. Under these new standards, lenders would have to verify that borrowers can repay the loan. I hope China doesn't adopt this and do the same thing.

BP Oil is considering a plan to fire golf balls and rubber tires into the gulf oil leak to clog it. The site will end up looking like the front lawn at Tiger Woods’ house. At least Toyota and Tiger Woods may finally have a chance to redeem themselves after all.

Larry King and his wife are not getting divorced despite allegations of cheating. The family spokesman said Larry loves his wife, and loves being a family, and when they started to divide the property, he realized how ridiculous he would look wearing only one suspender.

Disney is partnering with a South Korean company to launch a Korean-language Disney channel. Mickey will still be known as "Mickey," and Minnie will still be known as "Minnie." However, Pluto will now be known as "Delicious."

This Date In History: 1862; The U.S. Department of Agriculture was created by an act of Congress on this day. 1911; The Standard Oil Company, headed by John D. Rockefeller, was ordered dissolved by the Supreme Court, under the Sherman Antitrust Act.

1918; The first air mail route in the U.S. was established between New York and Washington, DC, with a stop at Philadelphia. 1930; On a Boeing Air Transport flight between Oakland and Chicago, Ellen Church became the first airline stewardess.

1940; Nylon stockings went on sale for the first time in the United States. 1972; Alabama Governor George Wallace was shot and crippled as he campaigned for the presidency. 1988; Frank Sinatra died at the age of 82.

Picture Of The Day: The BP Gulf oil spill is no joke, but it's Friday and we have to take time to relax and laugh a bit. The photoshop artists are at it again and better than ever with their current crop of pictures. Tweety Bird really has nothing to do with today's theme, but I like Tweety Bird and the picture fits the description. Twitter is for the birds !

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper. 2) I think that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans. 3) Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso. 4) It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 5) Hey, I may have Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's.....and that's five !

Birthdays: Claudio Monteverdi, composer 1567, Lyman Frank Baum, author 1856, Katherine Anne Porter, author 1890, Richard Joseph Daley, political leader 1902, James Mason, actor 1909, Paul A. Samuelson, economist 1915, Richard Avedon, photographer 1923, Jasper Johns, artist 1930, Madeleine Albright, government official 1937.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A nurse of an old folks home walked into the room of Mr. Goldstein and noticed he was crying at the foot of his bed. The nurse asked, "What's the matter, Mr. Goldstein"? Sobbing, the old man cried, "My penis died today", and began to cry hysterically. The nurse played along with the old man and consoled him on his great loss.

A couple days later the nurse was in the middle of her rounds and noticed Mr. Jones walking down the hall with his penis hanging freely out of his shorts. The nurse walked up to him with a sympathetic voice and asked, "Mr. Jones, I thought your penis passed away a couple days ago." He looked back at her and whispered, "It did, and today is the viewing."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately: 1) High fever 2) Congestion 3) Nausea 4) Fatigue 5) Aching in the joints 6) An irresistible urge to shit on someone's windshield.

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up." The doctor replied, "That's not senility. Senility is when you forget to zip down."

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some weight, and I didn't feel so hot. My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems. He said just think in colors. Fill your plate with bright colors; greens, yellows, reds, etc. I went right home and ate an entire bowl of M&M's and sure enough, I felt better immediately. I never knew eating right could be so easy.

Asshole Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So, I looked around my house to see things I started, and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreo's, a pot of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines, and a box of Godiva Chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

A man goes to the doctor and tells him, "I'm sorry doctor, I know this is unusual but I seem to have a head of lettuce stuck up my ass!" The doctor replies, "Good Grief!, I'd better take a look" The doctor examines the man and says, "It's worse than than I thought and that's just the tip of the iceberg."

That's it for today my little coffee beans. Remember, mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked. Friday means fun and I'm going to AREA 51 for a little recreation. I hope I don't have to pay anyone..... Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !