Radio Days

I recently saw an advertisement for commercial-free music satellite radio and I couldn't help but remember my early childhood years when everyone watched the radio. Yes, I said "watched."

Before television, the radio was the popular means of getting the news, listening to music and most importantly, listening to your favorite radio show. On Saturday nights, my parents would turn on the radio around 7:00 p.m. and we would listened to the various shows. I use the term "listen" but, in fact, we literally watched the radio as the show progressed.

The radio was a piece of fine furniture and was positioned in the living room much in the same way as today's television sets are positioned. Our radio was an RCA Victor and the top lifted up to use the turntable to play records. All of our records were 78's and rarely had more than two songs on one side. Woe be unto the child who dropped a record because in those days, the record would shatter and break.

The Jack Benny Show was the number one show of the day, but there were many more memorable shows on the radio. Other great shows included: Amos 'n' Andy, Dragnet, My Little Margie, The Green Hornet, the FBI and the inimitable sounds of Inner Sanctum.

My favorite show was the Lone Ranger which thankfully came on at seven o'clock. I wasn't always able to listen to all the shows because bedtime was nine o'clock. Many a night after being tucked into bed by my mom, I would sneak out of bed, lie down next to the bedroom door and listen to the radio shows. I also woke up on the floor many times as well as I fell asleep listening to the radio.

Radio days of the past are just a memory now, but one would use one's imagination and literally visualize the shows and the characters. Although today's technology offers an abundance of innovative ideas and products, the art of imagination, alas, has fallen by the wayside for most people. But, that's just me.....

The News As I See It: BP is saying that the oil leak is bigger than they estimated. In a related story, the executives at BP are far bigger idiots than we estimated. Octomom Nadya Suleman has a PETA sign in her front yard that encourages people to have their pets spayed or neutered. Isn’t that kind of like BP putting out a sign that says "Don't pee in the pool?"

Today is the 25th anniversary of AOL, a company that continues to be the slowest and least reliable search engine on the Internet. The only reason that I continue to use it is the fact that it has taken me six years to figure out how it works. Happy Anniversary AOL and keep up the bad work!

President Obozo’s big financial reform bill passed. From now on, bankers will be required to dress like robbers. They put a cap on ATM transaction fees, though a lot of the senators didn’t want to discuss it because they’ve never used an ATM. The Senate has mobile cash machines — they’re called "lobbyists."

A Jet Blue pilot was pulled from a flight at Logan Airport before takeoff after he threatened to kill himself. He was upset that his girlfriend broke up with him and he threatened to crash the plane. Luckily, the other pilots gave him a couple of drinks and were able to calm him down.

And finally A man owned a small farm in Ohio. The Ohio Dept of Fair Labor Practices claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them, demanded the agent." The farmer said, "Well, there's my farm hand who's been with me 3 years. I pay him $400 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months and I pay her $300 per week plus free room and board."

The farmer continued, "Then, there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours a day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

The agent said, "That's the guy I want to talk to .... the half-wit." The farmer replied, "That would be me."

This Date In History: 1844; Samuel Morse transmitted the first telegraph message, in which he asked, "What hath God wrought?" 1883; The Brooklyn Bridge, linking Manhattan and Brooklyn in New York City, opened to traffic. 1899; W.T. McCullough of Boston, Mass., opened the first public garage.

1935; Major League Baseball’s first night game was played under the lights at Cincinnati’s Crosley Field as the hometown Reds defeated Philadelphia, 2–1. 1958; The United Press and the International News Service merged to form United Press International (UPI).

1976; The British and French Concordes made their first commercial flights. 2000; Israeli troops pulled out of Lebanon after 18 consecutive years of occupation. 2001; Vermont senator James Jeffords quit the Republican Party and became an Independent, giving Democrats control of the Senate.

Picture Of The Day: Radio days bring fond memories. The pictures of those days are hard to find but my favorite, and the picture of the day, would be of Nipper, the RCA dog.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Although I've never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several. 2) We all can't be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by. 3) If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. 4) The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. 5) Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.....and that's five !

Birthdays: My talented singer and musical pal, Alexis. Happy Birthday Baby! 19XX, Jean Paul Marat, revolutionary 1743, Queen Victoria (Alexandrina Victoria), queen of Great Britain and Ireland (1837–1901) and empress of India (1876–1901) 1819, Lillian Gilbreth, engineer 1878, Mikhail Aleksandrovich Sholokhov, novelist 1905, Bob Dylan, singer 1941.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Two old ladies, Wanda and Maude, were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain. Wanda pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. Maude said, "What's that?" Wanda said, "A condom." Maude said, "Where'd you get it?" Wanda replied, "You can get them at any drug store."

The next day, Maude hobbled into the local drug store and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted to buy a pack of condoms. The guy looked at her strangely, but politely asked what brand she preferred. Maude said, "It doesn't matter as long as it fits on a Camel."

An old man is celebrating his birthday with all the members of his family at the Old Folks Home when in walks a Kissagram Lady. She walks sexily up to the old Guy and says, "Baby, would you like super sex?" The old man replies, "Thanks a lot, but I'll just have the soup."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt and my pal Victor for their contributions to today's stories.

There were three men playing a round of golf, Moses, Jesus, and an old man. They get to the 18th hole and Moses gets to tee-off first. He hits his ball into the water. Next up is Jesus, and he does the same as Moses, hits it right into the water. Next up is the old man and he hits it right into the water with Moses and Jesus.

All three approach the edge of the pond. Moses walks up a little closer, throws his arms high into the air and the water of the pond begins to part down the middle. He walks down to his ball, hits it out of the pond and into the hole.

Next up is Jesus. He walks out onto the water and his ball floats up to the surface. Then, he hits his ball off of the water, onto the green and into the hole.

The old man slowly walks into the water and hits his ball, which flies out of the water, hits a bird, bounces off a tree, then gets deflected off the pin and hits a rabbit then bounces into the hole. Moses turns to Jesus and says, "I hate it when your father plays!"

When Jesus died and went up to Heaven, the first thing he did was to look for his father, as he has never met the man before and was curious as to what he looked like. He looked high and low but could not find him. He asked St. Peter "Where is my father?" But St. Peter said he didn't know. He asked the archangel Gabriel, "Where is my father?" But Gabriel didn't know. He asked John the Baptist, "Where is my father?" But John did not know.

So he wandered Heaven, impatiently searching for years. One day, he saw out of the mist an old man coming toward him. The man was very old, with white hair, stooped over a little. Jesus yelled, "Who are you?" The old man said,"Oh, please help me, I am an old man in search of my son."

Jesus was very curious. Could this be his father? Jesus said, "Tell me of your son, old man." The old man said, "Oh, you would know him if you saw him. Holes in his hand where the nails used to be, he was nailed to a cross, you know..." Jesus screams, "Father!!" The old man yelled, "Pinocchio!!"

A man was at a bank and in front of him there was an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She said to the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"

Author's Note: Due to some recurring spam, comments will be published subject to my approval. Please continue to feel free to make any comments and they will be published as soon as I am notified.

That's it for today my little fire trucks. Remember, the year you stop believing in Santa Claus is the year when you start getting clothes for Christmas! More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !