It's bad enough that the BP oil spill is on its 44th day of spewing crude oil and gas into the Gulf Of Mexico. On top of that, we have to listen daily to BP officials, Government flunkies and the news media continue to come up with all kinds of nifty acronyms and descriptions of what the plan of the day is. I think it's time to make some changes in their daily descriptions and ensuing excuses!Let's get rid of phrases like "Top Kill", "Cut and Cap", "Lower Marine Riser Package" and "Blowout Preventer" and use our own descriptions, shall we? We should use phrases like "Today's attempt doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of working." How about "We're up to our asses in alligators and we're can't stop this mess until the new relief wells are finished in August."
Just once, I'd like to hear someone say, "BP officials are weasels and are too busy looking for legal loopholes than to worry about stopping the oil leak. President Obozo doesn't have the slightest idea of what to do and every attorney in the nation has stopped ambulance chasing and have moved their yachts to the Gulf to round up as many potential lawsuits as their greedy little hands can find."
Take the stupid continual video feed of the gushing oil leak and put on something else until the problem is resolved. I've watched them continue to fail for weeks and methinks they have no idea how to stop it until the relief wells are finished. Frankly, I'm disgusted with BP, President Obozo and all the other ass kissing flunkies give me their daily report of why they failed. But, that's just me....
Which leads me to this: This video kinda sums up my frustrations and saves me many pages of typing. I guess it's true that a picture is worth a thousand words (Remember to mute my music playlist on my sidebar). The News As I See It: President Obozo flew to Louisiana to see the Gulf cleanup effort firsthand. And it was just like President George "Dubya" Bush’s trips to Louisiana – except Obozo actually landed. Obozo called the Gulf Coast oil spill an assault on our shores and their people. Then he said the same thing about fat dudes in speedos.
The list of the world’s best airlines just came out, and not a single American airline made it in the top 10. You know who was really surprised by this news? No one.
An American adventurer strapped himself to a bunch of helium balloons and floated from England to France. Immediately afterwards, people in Mexico asked "Exactly how many balloons?"
This Date In History: 1886; Grover Cleveland became the first U.S. president to get married in the White House. 1924; Congress granted U.S. citizenship to all American Indians. 1941; Baseball great, Lou Gehrig died of Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, ALS, a rare type of paralysis now referred to as Lou Gehrig's disease.
1946; In Italy, a plebiscite rejected the monarchy in favor of a republic. 1953; Queen Elizabeth II of Britain was crowned in Westminster Abbey. 1997; Timothy McVeigh was found guilty of the bombing of the federal building in Oklahoma City. 2003; The European Space Agency launched the Mars Express probe. Contact with the lander Beagle 2 was lost in December.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment. 2) Hurricanes are like women. When they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car. 3) The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. 4)Constipated people don't give a crap. 5) Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise.....and that's five !
Birthdays: Martha Washington, wife of George Washington 1731, John Randolph, legislator 1773, Thomas Hardy, novelist 1840, Sir Edward William Elgar, composer 1857, Johnny Weissmuller, swimmer 1904 Barbara Pym, writer 1913, Cornel West, scholar 1953, Freddy Adu, Soccer 1989.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: The husband was always putting off mowing the lawn in favor of watching sports and television. One evening upon arriving home, he found his wife cutting the grass with a pair of scissors. Understanding her clever attempt to make a point, he walked into the garage, then returned with a toothbrush and handed it to his wife.
She asked, "What's this for?" He answered, "So you can sweep the grass off the driveway when your finished cutting the lawn." The doctors say he will walk again, but he'll always have a limp !
After a week of marriage, Mississippi newlyweds, Harold and Arlene, went to see their family doctor. Harold said, "You ain't gonna believe this, Doc, but my "thingy's" turnin' purple." The doctor replied, "That's pretty unusual, let me examine you."
The doctor examines Harold and, sure enough, his "thingy" is definitely purple. The doctor turns to Arlene and asks, "Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed for you?" Arlene replies, "Yes sir, I shore am." The doctor says, "And what kind of jelly are you using?" Arlene responds, "Grape."
He thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly, she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
She asked,"Daddy,what are those two spiders doing?" Her father replied, "They're mating." The little girl said, "What do you call the spider on top?" The father answered, "That's a Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl asked, "So,the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question, he replied "No dear, both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat and said, "Well, we're not having any of that Brokeback-Mountain shit in our garden."
The blonde reaches into her purse, takes out $50 and extends it to the man. The man smiles and says, "I can't take your money." The blonde says, "Why not?" The man replies, "Because, I watched this on the twelve o'clock news."
The blonde says, "I watched the twelve o'clock new as well, but I didn't think he would jump again."
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve and said, "So, how's it going?" Eve said, "It's beautiful, God. Everything is so serene and wonderful. I do have one problem. It's these three breasts you gave me." God said, "Yeah, I know. I thought you'd like them."
Eve said, "That's just it, I don't like them. The middle one pushes the other two outward and when I walk, they get in the way, they snag things, they're a real pain." God said, "Well, I'm kinda new at this. I gave the other animals six breasts and I thought you'd only need half that amount. But, I see your point and I take care of that." With that, God removed the middle breast and threw it into the bushes.
Three weeks later, God returned to speak with Eve. "So, hows my favorite creation?" Eve said, "Just fine except for one minor oversight on your part. All the other animals are paired up except me. Ya know it get's kinda lonely." God said, "You know, you right! How could I have overlooked that. I will take a part from your body and create Man. Where's that useless boob I threw away?"
A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender if he served lawyers. The bartender said, "Sure," The man said, "Great! Give me a beer and give my alligator a lawyer."
Peruvian newspaper El Comercio reports that Stephany Tatiana Flores Ramirez was found dead inside a room at the hotel Tac in the Miraflores district this morning. The woman had been stabbed and wrapped in a blanket.Family members of the victim say she was last seen with van der Sloot at a local casino. The hotel room in which her body was found was also reportedly registered in van der Sloot's name. I'll have more on Friday.....
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That's it for today my little onion rings. Remember, some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others. Happy Hump Day. Time to go to AREA51 for Happy Hour. More on Friday.
Stay Tuned !
3 comments:
i need several of 'em gators. I am going to see my lawyer next week!
And thanks for the political infirmination.
great video jimmy
I think we should do what they've done 3 times in Russia. Nuke the oil leak. It worked every time for Russia. At this point, I'm not sure what would be worse. The nuclear aftermath to the sea life or the oil, but at least with the nuclear bomb, the leaks were sealed up quickly.
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