It's Hump Day And I Need A Break - Happy Hour, Anyone ?

BP will set aside $20 billion to pay the victims of the massive Gulf oil fiasco, Obama administration officials said today. I don't know what White House genius negotiated this deal for America, but the amount should be a minimum of $100 billion dollars. The financial and ecological ramifications of this disaster is immeasurable and who knows what repercussions will come in the future. Methinks that these monies should be banked as soon as possible before BP postures and positions itself to file for inevitable bankruptcy.

North Carolina Rep. Bob Etheridge apologised Monday after an online video surfaced showing he was involved in a physical altercation with two young men who approached him on a Washington street and asked the Democrat whether he supported President Obama's agenda.

I take offense to the two unidentified "students" who approached Etheridge, stuck a microphone in his face, and began asking questions. Nowadays, any asshole can buy a video camera and a microphone and attempt to interview anyone. There is no evidence that the "students" were credentialed or possessed media identification. Personally, I would have stuck the microphone up the student's ass!

The News As I See It: President Obama had a 30-minute phone call with British Prime Minister David Cameron about the BP oil spill. The conversation is supposed to stay private, but given that it’s BP, you can probably expect a few leaks. If the oil industry could suck up the oil the way they suck up to Congress, the Gulf would have been cleaned up a month ago.

The World Cup soccer games trudges on. The thing that's interesting about soccer is that you can watch from the first minute to the last minute and you can never be sure how much time is left in the game. I've found that the best way to watch the soccer matches is to TiVo them and watch them at double speed. That way you can see them not scoring goals much faster.

In the South Carolina Democratic primary for the Senate, a man named Alvin Greene has won the Democratic primary. He didn't go to any campaign events, spent no money, gave no speeches and was kicked out of the Army. He's unemployed, he lives with his mother, and he's facing felony charges for showing lewd photos to students. Investigations are under way to see if and how he qualified to run for office. Personally, I think he's definitely qualified to be a senator.

This Date In History: 1487; The Battle of Stoke ended the Wars of the Roses. 1858 Senate candidate Abraham Lincoln declared, "a house divided against itself cannot stand." 1904; Events in James Joyce's novel Ulysses took place on this day, which is celebrated as Bloomsday, for the main character, Leopold Bloom. 1933; President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the National Industrial Recovery Act.

1963; Valentina Tereshkova of the USSR became the first woman in space. 1996; Russia voted in its first independent presidential election. Boris Yeltsin eventually won in a runoff. 2004; The 9/11 Commission determined that Saddam Hussein had no strong links to al-Qaeda, contradicting White House beliefs.

Picture Of The Day: The photoshop people are having a big time with the new Arizona illegal alien law and, naturally, 'da prez gets his usual share as well. I was worried that after Georgie "Dubya" left office, I wouldn't have any new fodder, but deep down, I knew Obozo would trip on his big balls, sooner or later. Oh....and I found a way to make soccer more interesting.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I know a guy who's half Jewish and half Catholic. When he goes to confession, he says, "Bless me, father, for I have sinned - and you know my attorney, Mr.Cohen." 2) When I go out, I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. When I see a woman with a tattoo, I’m thinking, okay, here’s a girl who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future. 3) Dogs may be man's best friend but they won’t pick you up at the airport. 4) I recently read a newspaper article about Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive for a while. 5) I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world.....and that's five !

Birthdays: Edward Davy, physician, scientist 1806, Stan Laurel, comic actor 1890, Barbara McClintock, geneticist 1902, Joyce Carol Oates, American author 1938.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Two old women, Dorothy and Edna, are talking. Dorothy says, "That nice John Garnett asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna said, "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7:00 pm, dressed like a gentleman in a fine suit and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car, a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner, a marvelous dinner, lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks."

Edna continues, "Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an animal. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"

Dorothy says "Goodness gracious! So you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?" Edna says, "No, I'm just saying, wear an old dress."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pals Anne and Victor for their contributions to today's post.

A guy was in a bar and complained of a headache. An attorney sitting nearby, says, "Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away." The next day, the same attorney was again sitting at the bar. The attorney asked, "Did you do what I told you to?" The guy says, "Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!"

A man was at the airport and told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" The man told her, "You did it last week!"

A priest is sent to Alaska. A bishop goes up to visit one year later. The bishop asks, "How do you like it up here?" The priest says, "If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Bishop, would you like a martini?" The bishop said, "Yes." The priest said, "Rosary, get the bishop a martini!"

My friend and his wife have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, they go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine and some good food. She goes Tuesdays, He goes Fridays.

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

The woman pops her eye back in and says, "Oh my, I am so sorry, let me buy your dinner to make it up to you." They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything had been so incredible! He says,"You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? " She replies, "No, you just happened to catch my eye."

That's it for today my little humming birds. Remember, the best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth. It's Hump Day. I'm going to mosey on over to AREA 51 for Happy Hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !