I don't know if you have noticed, but Donald wears a sailor hat and a sailor shirt and nothing else. The last time I went out like that, I got arrested.
Lately, every time I stand up quickly, I see Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy. I went to see my doctor and told him about my problem. He said, "Ok, how long have you been having these Disney spells?"
Word has it that dispite his age, Donald Duck was spotted celebrating his birthday at a strip club. I refused to believe that a duck of his age would frequent such a place until I obtained the picture below. Happy Birthday Donald, you rock! For The Record: I believe that British Petroleum (BP) is, and has been, positioning itself for bankruptcy since it realized the financial size and scope of the Gulf Oil Disaster. Speaking of disasters, if I were still married, tomorrow would be my anniversary. I think I'll celebrate tonight and stay out all night with a woman half her age.
The News As I See It: BP claims they have a containment system for the leaking oil. Their containment system is called the “Gulf of Mexico." They say it’s going to take forever to clean up this oil spill in the Gulf, even longer than it will take to clean up Lindsay Lohan.
Vice President Joe O'Biden and Rahm Emanuel had a water gun fight during a party at Biden’s House. Meanwhile, Sasha and Malia spent the last few days trying to solve the BP oil crisis. BP expects to capture "virtually all" of the leaking oil by early next week. But if not "virtually all" of the oil, then definitely "nearly most" of it. Or at least “almost some," but probably closer to "next to none" of it.
Helen Thomas had to resign over comments she made about Israel. She will be replaced by Betty White.
Hall & Oates have canceled an upcoming concert in Arizona to protest that state’s new immigration law. That will teach Arizona a lesson. Let’s see how long they can go without Hall & Oates. Apparently, Hall & Oates were worried that Arizona authorities would make them go back where they came from — the '70s. This Date In History: 1880; John Lee Richmond pitched baseball's first perfect game. A perfect game occurs when no batter reaches a base during a complete game of at least nine innings. 1898; Emilio Aguinaldo, head of the Philippine nationalists, proclaimed independence from Spain. 1939; The Baseball Hall of Fame opened to the public in Cooperstown, New York.
1942; Anne Frank received a diary for her birthday. 1963; Civil rights leader Medgar Evers was fatally shot in front of his home in Jackson, Mississippi. 1997; Interleague play began in baseball, ending a 126-year tradition of separating the major leagues until the World Series.
Picture Of The Day: Why, Donald Duck, of course! One of my favorite comic book characters growing up, especially BD (before Disneyland) in California.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.... 2) Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. 3) If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one person enjoys it? 4) I saw a large breasted woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it so I said "Implants?" 5) The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.....and that's five !
Birthdays: Johanna Spyri, author 1827, Djuna Barnes, author 1892, George Herbert Walker Bush, 41st President of the United States (1989–1993) 1924, Anne Frank, diarist 1929. The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A hooded armed robber bursts into a bank in little Italy, New York and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave Italian customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face. The robber shoots the guy without hesitation!
He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the tellers is looking straight at him. The robber walks over and calmly shoots him. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor. The robber yells, "Dida anyone elsa see a my face?" calls the robber. There follows a tense silence. Then an elderly Italian gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says, "I tinka maybe my wifa caughta glimpse"
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse were up in a hotel room and decided that they wanted to have sex. Minnie asks, "Do you have a condom?" Donald says, "No." Minnie tells Donald that if he doesn't get a condom that they can't have sex and suggests to Donald that he go buy a condom. She says that maybe they sell them at the front desk.
Donald proceeds to go downstairs and gets to the front desk. He asks the hotel clerk if they sell condoms. The clerk says, "yes we do" and pulls one out from under the desk and gives it to Donald. The clerk asks, "Would you like me to put that on your bill?" Donald says, "No, I'll just use it the regular way." A guy's at a bar with his friends and he's totalled. He's three drinks past drunk and as he starts to leave, his vomits all over himself. He slurs, "Damn! My wife doesn't like me hanging out with you guys, and now I'm sloppy drunk and stinking and filthy. She's gonna kill me."
His buddy hands him five dollars and says, "Put this five in your pocket and tell her one of us barfed on you and gave you money for dry cleaning." The drunk's eyes light up and he thanks his friend before stumbling out the door towards his house. He arrives at home to find his wife standing at the door, waiting for him.
She exclaims, "I don't like you hanging around with those slobs as it is, and now you come home stinking drunk and covered with your own vomit." The man reaching for the five in his pocket and handing it to her, says, "No Baby, one of the guys got sick on me and gave me five bucks to pay for the dry cleaning." The wife says, "But this is ten dollars." The drunk says,"Oh yeah, he also shit my pants."
Mickey Mouse went to court to get a divorce from Minnie. The judge looks at the file, then turns to Mickey and says, "Why are you asking for a divorce?" Micky says, "Judge, she's driving me crazy. She's mentally unstable and I'm not real sure what she does when I'm not around."
The judge says, "I'm not going to grant you a divorce just because Minnie was having and affair." Mickey replies, "I didn't say she was cheating, I said she was f**king Goofy!"
That's it for today my little quackers. Remember, we are all merely time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour. To quote Marty King...Friday at Last, Friday at last, Good God, Friday at last! Time to head over to AREA 51 for Happy Hour. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !