Wednesday, June 23, 2010

GOAL ! - The U.S. Soccer Team Defeats Algeria 1-0

Landon Donovan scored the winner in extra time as the U.S. national team defeated Algeria 1-0. Robbed of a goal once again when a 20th minute goal from Clint Dempsey was called back because of an erroneous offside call from the Belgian linesman, it looked like the U.S. team would continue to have bad luck.

Fortunately, the U.S. team had the spunk and determination to soldier on and Donovan's score in extra time proved to be the deciding goal. The U.S. advances to the knockout stage of the World Cup with the win. With the win, the United States wins Group C. The U.S. will face the runner up from Group D on June 26, at 2:30 PM in Rustenberg, South Africa.

The News As I See It: While this Gulf oil mess has been going on, people were upset with BP CEO Tony Hayward because he was out on his yacht last weekend. President Obozo is being criticized for golfing last weekend with Vice President O'Biden. O'Biden's handicap is 16 and Obozo's handicap is O'Biden. In Obozo’s defense, people are saying that the president has a particular way of relaxing. For instance, Georgie "Dubya" Bush would relax by being president.

Sarah Palin has admitted that she tried marijuana and did not like it. She said it distorted her perceptions and impaired her thinking, and she’s hoping that the effects will wear off one day.

A company is now selling a cell phone that costs $70,000 and is covered with sapphires, platinum, and rubies. It’s a smartphone, but of course, if you buy one, you’re an idiot. Another company in California is coming out with a $44,000 mattress. It will be layered with cashmere, mohair, silk, and then on top of that, the moron who paid $44,000 for a mattress.

A cat in Colorado survived an hour-long drive stuck in the engine of a car. The cat is fine, but the dog that was driving is facing attempted murder charges.

This Date In History: 1868; Christopher Latham Sholes received a patent for an invention he called a ''Type-Writer.'' 1947; The Senate overrode President Truman's veto of the Taft-Hartley Act. 1969; Warren Burger was sworn in as Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court.

1972; Richard Nixon and H. R. Haldeman discussed ways to obstruct the FBI's Watergate investigation. Revelation of this conversation spurred on Nixon's 1974 resignation. 1992; Mobster John Gotti was sentenced to life in prison.

1995; Dr. Jonas Salk, the medical pioneer who developed the first polio vaccine, died. 2003; The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the University of Michigan's School of Law affirmative action policy.

Picture Of The Day: I had to post a couple of pictures of the U.S. Soccer team for a well deserved win. They have had so many goals called back by bad calls I was beginning to wonder. Of course, the photoshop gang is still busy at work taking opportunity with current events.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I planted some bird seed. A bird came up and now I don't know what to feed it. 2) A Democrat is a person who sees a glass partially filled and says, "This glass is half full!" A Republican is a person who sees the same glass and says, "Hey! Who's been drinking my water?" 3) Lately I've had the "Midas touch." Everything I touch turns into a muffler. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom! 4) Brother Kirt bought a Japanese camera. When he takes a picture, the camera goes "Crick". 5) When I was married, I took my wife everywhere, but she always found her way back.....and that's five !

Birthdays: Edward VIII, king of Great Britain and Ireland 1894, Alan Turing, computer scientist 1912, Wilma Rudolph, Track & Field 1940, James Levine, music director 1943, Clarence Thomas, associate justice 1948, Frances McDormand, actress 1957.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A five year old boy comes to visit his grandparents and notices his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocker, wearing only a shirt, naked from the waist down. The boy says, "Grandpa, whatcha' doing? You're weenie's out and everybody can see!" Grandpa looked off in the distance, not answering. The boy asked again, "Grandpa, whatcha' doin' sitting out here with no pants on?" Grandpa looked at him and said, "Son, last week I sat here with no shirt on, Just watching the cars go by and I got a stiff neck. This is your Grandma's idea."

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist to fill his prescription for Viagra. "How many do you want?" asked the pharmacist. The man replied, "Just a few, maybe half a dozen. I cut each one into four pieces." Upon hearing that, the pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex." The old fellow said, "I'm ninety years old and I don't even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out enough so I don't piss on my shoes."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contributions to today's post.

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?" The man says, "Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Barrack Obama and Joe Biden. They're asking for a $10 million ransom, otherwise they're going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, taking up a collection. The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?" The man says, "Most people are giving about a gallon."

As the woman was instructing the new maid on the great care required in handling certain valuable household objects. She pointed to the dining room and said with great satisfaction, "That table goes back to Louis the Fourteenth." The maid said, "Oh, that's nothing. My whole living room set goes back to Sears the fifteenth."

The barber's client looked depressed, so the barber told him, "Cheer up. I knew a guy who owed $5,000 he couldn't pay. He drove his vehicle to the edge of a cliff, where he sat for over an hour. A group of concerned citizens heard about his problem and passed a hat around. Relieved, the man pulled back from the cliff's edge." The client said, "Incredible, who were these kind people?" The barber replied, "The passengers on the bus."

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet. She cried out, "Hello?" There was no answer. She yelled louder, "Is there anyone here?" Still no answer. Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled, "Hello, is anyone here" Then she heard a voice from far away. "Hello, we're down here...."

That's it for today my little cowpokes. Remember, If you are not committing any sins, you're probably not having much fun. Wednesday means Happy Hour in AREA 51. I'll see you there! More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


Ally Lifewithally said...

Jimmy congrats to your football team ~ I watched the match and they deserved to win ~ hope they go all the way ~ Ally x

Senorita said...

Happy Hump Day ! Yeah for the USA ! I am so happy we won !

jack69 said...

Quote: "a cell phone that costs $70,000 and is covered with sapphires, platinum, and rubies. It’s a smartphone, but of course, if you buy one, you’re an idiot." unquote
One of the best observations yet!

However I am still considering the viagra!

garnett109 said...

Jimmy great picks, loved the one were the scuba diver was putting a candle in the hole!