A Closed Mouth Gathers No Feet !

Mel Gibson has managed to shoot himself in the foot again. With the many leaked tapes now being played on the news, Gibson's future as an actor seems fairly dim. An obvious set up by ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, Gibson should have known better. Moreover, everyone has denied leaking the tapes to media rag Radar Online.

Sources say Gibson is looking into various rehab facilities, hoping the actor will consider checking himself in as early as Monday. Maybe he should call Lindsay Lohan, who has checked herself into a rehab facility owned by her new attorney, Robert Shapiro (of O.J. Simpson fame).

I wonder how far underneath the jail authorities would put the average person if they were to pull the stunts that Gibson and Lohan have pulled?

Well, well, well (pun intended). BP seemingly has plugged the Gulf oil leak. So far, so good. Hopefully, this is the first step toward sealing the Gulf oil leak and restoring the Gulf and the neighboring states. One thing we learned during this disaster is that BP, the U.S. government and Barack Obozo do not have a clue on how to react in an emergency. Shades of Georgie "Dubya" Bush and the Hurricane Katrina disaster.

Afraid of tresspassers, drug smugglers and coyotes in the southwest? You say the federal government won't enforce it's own laws? Well, fear not my little cactus blossoms, Bear Mountain Sports may have the possible solution to your fears. My cat, Possum S. Hemmingway says he has a cameo role in this video, but Possum is known to prevaricate on occasion. See for yourself...

Remember to mute the sound on my music playlist located on the left sidebar.

The News As I See It: The White House announced that the stimulus package saved 3 million jobs. But they said there are still jobs that need to be saved — President Obozo’s, Joe O'Biden’s, Harry Reid’s, and Nancy Pelosi’s.

Apple is now admitting that customers are having reception problems with the new 4G iPhone. In fact, today Mel Gibson said, "That’s why I was screaming into the phone. I didn’t think she could hear me."

Before they capped the Gulf oil leak, BP had to test the integrity of the well. Which is the first time "BP" and "integrity" have been used in the same sentence.

Fidel Castro made a rare appearance on Cuban television. It’s a new show called "Cuba’s Got Talent, but America’s Got Food, Water, Shelter, and Medicine."

At the British Open, Tiger Woods will be playing with a new putter for the first time in 11 years. If I were him, I'd keep that a secret. You don't want to go around announcing you stuck with a putter longer than you stuck with a wife.

This Date In History: 1790; The District of Columbia was established as the seat of the United States government. 1918; Russia's Czar Nicholas II and his family were executed by the Bolsheviks. 1935; The first parking meters were installed in Oklahoma City. 1945; The first atomic bomb was tested in Alamogordo, N.M.

1951; J. D. Salinger's novel Catcher in the Rye was published. 1969; Apollo 11 took off on the first manned flight to the moon. 1979; Saddam Hussein became president of Iraq. 1999; John F. Kennedy, Jr., his wife Carolyn Bessette, and her sister Lauren, died in a plane crash near Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts.

Picture Of The Day: Mel Gibson has the titled honor today. Gibson's recent rants have given the photoshop people tons of fodder and they haven't had this much fun since Tiger Woods got caught with his putter out. Although Gibson's wife has obviously set him up, one would think that, after his last escapade with the law, Gibson would have enough sense to keep his mouth shut. One would think......

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) A new study found that women have better memories than men. Also, a new study found that women have better memories than men. 2) If dogs ever take over the world and choose a king, I hope they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some pretty good ideas. 3) I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and pretend that I'm in a submarine that's been hit. 4) I find it amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always fits perfectly in the newspaper. 5) A bank just opened near me and has a sign that says "24 Hour Banking" but I don't have that much time.....and that's five !

Birthdays: Andrea del Sarto, painter 1486, Jean-Baptiste Camille Corot, painter 1796, Mary Baker Eddy, founder, Christian Science Church 1821, Ida B. Wells-Barnett, journalist, activist 1862, Roald Amundsen, Norwegian polar explorer 1872, "Shoeless" Joe Jackson, baseball player 1887, Trygve Lie, first secretary-general of the United Nations 1896, Ginger Rogers, Singer actress 1911, Pinchas Zukerman, violinist and conductor 1948.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Mr. Lipschitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up.

Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his wife?" They cut cards. Goldberg picks the two of clubs and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. Goldberg says. "Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."

Goldberg goes over to the Lipschitz apartment and knocks on the door. Mrs. Lipschitz answers thru the door and asks what he wants? Goldberg declares, "Your husband just lost $500 in a Poker game and is afraid to come home. Mrs. Lipschitz replies, "He should drop dead!" Goldberg says, "I'll go tell him."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a new baby boy. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the baby's parents invited Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.

He said "Now, son, that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home." Little Johnny said, "I promise not to mention his ears at all."

At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at it's mother and said, "What a beautiful little baby. He has perfect little hands, perfect little feet and just look at his pretty little eyes. Did his doctor say that he can see well?" The mother said "why, yes Johnny, his doctor said he has 20/20 vision." Little Johnny said, "Well, its a damn good thing because he sure couldn't wear glasses!"

It was the first day after Christmas vacation in a 3rd grade class. The teacher told the class that each student could tell the class one thing they got for Christmas. So, the teacher calls on a girl to come up to the front of the class and tell everyone what she got. "My daddy got me a Bow-Wow," she said. The teacher tells the class that they are old enough to know the correct words for things without using nicknames. The teacher tells the girl to try again. The girl thinks real hard. "My dad got me a dog," she said.

She sat down and a boy got up and said, "I got a choo-choo!" The teacher scolded him and told him to try again. The boy thought hard and said, "I got an electric train!!" That boy sits down and a really shy kid gets up and sadly says, "I got a book" The teacher feels bad for the kid and she asks, "What was the title of the book?" The boy thinks very hard. The class waits as the boy is thinking. Finally, the boys face brightened and he said, "Winnie The Shit!"

Two 80-year-olds had been dating for some time, when the man told the woman, "I think it's time we had sex, don't you agree?" The old woman agrees and the two make love that afternoon. Afterward, as they are lying in bed, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I had known that she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle!" Meanwhile, the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I had known that the old geezer could really get it up, I would have taken off my pantyhose."

That's it for today my little tater tots. Remember, the trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour, but I'm sure I won't be there on time. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !