Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Part Of Today's Post Is X-Rated And The Rest Is Just A Lot Of Bull

Thrill seekers from around the world converge on Pamplona, Spain, this week for the annual Running of the Bulls. Although I don't particularly care for bull fighting, I do enjoy watching any idiot who is fool enough to think he can out-maneuver a charging 1,400 pound horned animal on a small crowded street.

During the Festival of San Fermin, six bulls are set loose on a course through the streets of Pamplona. Hundreds of runners attempt to run ahead of the bulls and that's where the fun begins. It's difficult to imagine how one decides to defy the laws of logic and run with the bulls, but methinks it's a combination of testosterone, liquor and stupidity in no necessary order.

Nevertheless, I always look forward watching Juan, Jose and Pancho taunting and running ahead of the bulls until they individually make their first (and last) mistakes and the bulls run over them. The only thing I've noticed that you never see any older men running with the bulls. I guess once you've had a bull's horn up your ass, you finally come to the conclusion that it's a really bad idea.

The News As I See It: The soap opera "As the World Turns" has been on for 54 years. Some of the cast members are really old. Although, on CBS, once you reach 95, you get to host "60 Minutes."

The Queen of England is visiting New York City for the first time since 1976. Although I respect England and the Queen, my question is: Who dresses this woman?

Iran has banned the mullet. Today, the state of Kentucky broke off all diplomatic relations with Iran.

This Date In History: 1456; Twenty-five years after her execution, Pope Calixtus III annulled the heresy charges brought against Joan of Arc. 1846; Commodore John D. Sloat occupied Monterey and declared California annexed to the United States. 1898; The United States annexed Hawaii.

1946; Italian-born Mother Frances Xavier Cabrini was canonized, becoming the first American saint. 1981; President Ronald Reagan nominated Sandra Day O'Connor for the Supreme Court. 2005; 52 people were killed and hundreds injured in London when terrorists bombed subways and a bus.

Picture Of The Day: I don't want to say that she gained weight over the years but sex always seems to bring thoughts of Homer Simpson to mind. Oh....and the rest of today's pictures are from the annual Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry. I mean, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of his life? 2) When you're a 10 year old kid walking to school and a car drives by through a puddle and splashes you, it's hard to decide if you should go to school that way or go home and change and be late for school. So while he was deciding, I drove by and splashed him again. 3) It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends. 4) Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. 5) I bet the one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.....and that's five !

Birthdays: My pal Janet. Happy Birthday girl! 19XX, Joseph Jacquard, inventor 1752, Gustav Mahler, composer, conductor 1860, Marc Chagall, painter 1887, Leroy "Satchel" Paige, American baseball player 1906, Robert A. Heinlein, science-fiction writer 1907, Pierre Cardin, fashion designer 1922, Ringo Starr, musician 1940, Michelle Kwan, figure skater 1980.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goats milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. She explained, "These are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours."

Rules for sex after seventy-five: 1) Put bi-focals on and double check that you're with the right partner. 2) Set alarm on your clock for 2 minutes in case you doze off in the middle. 3) Set the mood with lighting. Turn them all off! 4) Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin. 5) Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember what to scream out at the end. 6) Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed. 7) Have heating pads, tylenol, splints and crutches ready in case you actually complete the act.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

The woman screamed, "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable asshole!" The drunk muttered, "You even sound exactly like her."

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. The woman to her lover, "Quick! Into the closet!", and she pushed him into the closet stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.

The husband asked, "Who are you?!" The man said, "I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," The husband yelled, "What are you doing in there?" The man said, " I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths." The husband demanded, "And where are your clothes?" The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards!"

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before the service started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives and their families. Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared in front of the congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?" The man said, "Nope, sure ain't."

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "I been married to your sister for 48 years."

That's it for today my little glow worms. Remember, there's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for Happy Hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


kbear said...

I always root for the bull during these bull runs. I actually got to see it while overseas in the military in my younger days. stupidity of all time!!!

Rose said...

Oh my.....why would anyone want to run with the freaking bulls!

Your graphic with Homer was hysterical!


jack69 said...

Heck with them Bulls, I just wish I had thought of the moth story a few years back. I'm sure he would not have believed it, but a pause to think would have been good!
Have a good evening at Area 51!

Julie said...

Oh my, I laughed out loud from your Simpson photo, what a hoot

Joann said...

OMGosh!!!! That Homer Simpson pic was HILARIOUS!!!!

I really don't get the running of the bulls thing, either!! That last pic looked WAY too painful!! LOL!!

Missie said...

I'll never understand what the obsession is to run with the bulls. I can think of a whole lot of other enjoyable things to do in Spain that don't include being speared or trampled on. LOL

Have a good weekend.