Junk Food: The Perfect Cure For The Late Night Munchies !

Last Wednesday was National Junk Food Day and I would be remiss in not extolling the virtues of junk food, especially late at night. Although junk food is not at the top of the list of healthy foods, it's true value is it's use as a major tool in resolving a case of the "munchies."

On any normal day, one has the option of going to almost any sit-down restaurant and eating a healthy meal or going to any of the various fast food restaurants and eating a less healthy meal. That is on any normal day......

Nighttime treks to AREA 51 are a totally different situation. Depending on how many drinks one has consumed, the time of the evening and the desires of your lady, chances are that junk food will be a guaranteed part of the evening.

There aren't many restaurants open after one o'clock in the morning and once you've made it home and checked the refrigerator, there are only a few options. For those of you that have ever been out barhopping until early in the morning, "the munchies" are just part of the program.

One of my late night favorites is pizza with garlic rolls and ice cold beer. In order to enjoy this meal, it is necessary that both myself and my lady are in agreement that we will both eat garlic rolls (The Garlic Roll Pact). Unless this agreement is in place, you should not order garlic rolls. I find this agreement useful for any romantic explorations after the meal.

So, here's to National Junk Food Day (and night)! It has been my many sources of pleasure for numerous late night events.....

Nascar stock cars will race at Indianapolis Motor Speedway on Sunday and it should be a very interesting and exciting race. If you never watched Nascar, this weekend's event would be a great time to start.

The News As I See It: Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich did not testify at his trial. He wanted to testify, but he sold his seat at the court for $100,000.

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg proposed turning the city’s excess dumpsters into swimming pools. Nothing says summer in New York City like packing a picnic lunch and heading to the dumpster.

This week in 1944, a bomb intended for Adolf Hitler exploded but failed to kill him. It was a defective device called the Apple iBomb. It would have worked but Hitler was holding it wrong.Yesterday in France, there were no injuries when a passenger train hit a truck full of shampoo. However, some of the passengers are believed to be in critical conditioner.

In France yesterday, there were no deaths or injuries when a passenger train hit a truck full of shampoo. However, some of the passengers are believed to be in critical conditioner.

Odds and Ends: Sports Illustrated just reported that Tiger Woods made $90 million over the last year or as his soon-to-be ex-wife, Elin Nordegren calls it, "$45 million." The CEO of British Petroleum is leaving his job. It’s not official, it just leaked out.

This Date In History: 1829; William Burt patented a forerunner of the typewriter. 1885 Ulysses S. Grant, the 18th president of the United States, died at Mount McGregor, N.Y., at age 63. 1914; Austria and Hungary issued an ultimatum to Serbia after the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand, precipitating World War I. 1945; Vichy government leader Marshal Henri Petain went on trial for treason.
1952; Revolution erupted in Egypt as the military took power in a bloodless coup. The following year the monarchy was abolished and, for the first time since the pharaohs, Egypt was again ruled by Egyptians. 1995; The Hale-Bopp comet was discovered by Alan Hale and Thomas Bopp. 1997; Serbian president Slobodan Milosevic was sworn in as president of the Federal Republic of Yugoslavia.

Picture Of The Day: Wednesday was National Junk Food Day. Today's pictures, with the help of the photoshop gang, are a tribute to some of my fondest late night "munchies" memories.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 2) You're never too old to learn something stupid. 3) A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer. 4) It may just be me but I greatly respect and admire anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. 5) Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one......and that's five !

Birthdays: Jane Long, early settler in Texas 1798, Raymond Chandler, author 1888, Haile Selassie, emperor of Ethiopia (1930–74) 1892, Anthony McLeod Kennedy, associate justice 1936.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: An older woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's lack of interest in sex. She wondered about ways to add some pizzazz to their sexual relationship, and finally decided to purchase some crotchless underwear she had seen in a novelty shop.

One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous and he was, as usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned her crotchless undies and a slinky negligee. She then strolled between her husband and the television. She suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair arm and purred, "Want some of this?" Her husband replied, "Are you kidding? Look what it did to those panties!"

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pals Victor and Woody for their contributions to today's post.

A man was hunting when a gust of wind blew. His rifle fell over and discharged, shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor, "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot." The hunter asked, "What's the bad news?"

The doctor said, "The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister." The hunter said, "I guess that isn't too bad. Is your sister a plastic surgeon?" The doctor answered, "Not exactly. She's a piccolo player in the Boston Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers on your pecker so you don't piss in your eye."

A piccolo player was performing with a band at a nightclub when a drunk in the audience yelled out, "The piccolo player is an asshole." Offended, but continuing to play, the piccolo player was in the middle of a solo during the following song when the drunk once again cried out, "The piccolo player is an asshole."

The bandleader had also heard the outbursts and after the song was over, he walked up to the microphone and said, "Who called the piccolo player an asshole?" The drunk yelled out, "Who called that asshole a piccolo player?!"

Little Johnny was visiting his friend in New York during the winter and they went outside to play in the snow. After about an hour, his friend's mother called them back inside and had them remove their galoshes and gloves. Little Johnny's friend's mom was a tall voluptuous, woman who would warm her son's hands by putting them between her thighs.

So as usual, when her son came in from playing in the snow, she asked if his hands were cold, to which he replied "Yes." She then put them together and stuck them between her warm thighs. After a few minutes, she asked "Are they warm yet?" and the little boy said, "Yes."

Little Johnny watched his friend and waited his turn. His friend's mom then asked him if his hands were cold, to which he replied, "Yes." So she took his hands, put them together and stuck them between her thighs. After a few minutes she asked if his hands were "warm yet" and he said "yes," so she took them out.

Little Johnny continued to stand there with a sly grin on his face. When the mom asked "Well what is it now,Johnny? What's wrong? Johnny looked up at her and replied, "My ears are cold too!"

That's it for today my little mom and popsicles. Remember, when tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. Wednesday night in AREA 51 was temptingly delicious so I'm heading back tonight for another portion. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !