Monday, July 19, 2010

What Did You Say The Name Of That Is ?

Normally, I have many things on my mind to write about, especially on Mondays, but today's post was difficult. I can usually rely on past experiences and fantasies, although most of the fodder from fantasies can't be printed. Then, I heard a commercial about food and the descriptions used ignited an old pet peeve I have about literalism.

So, today, I will be adding more pictures than I normally do in an effort to enlighten my point. The use of words isn't all that tricky but under certain conditions, descriptions of things evoke a totally different picture in the mind's eye (a funny thought in it's own right).I have captioned two of the pictures so that you get the idea, but the rest is up to you my little thesaurians.

As a child, I was a meat and potatoes type and anything else was sickening to me. My parents, who were always concerned that I learn to eat all types of foods, usually invented attractive ways to describe food that I detested, even to the point of creating new names that they thought would attract my attention. Breaded cow meat and onions, for example, turned out to be liver and onions, a dish I wouldn't feed to a starving dog. The list goes on and on.....

With that in mind, today's pictures are there for your review comments. See if you can name them.

The News As I See It: Today is a day of cautious optimism. The BP well has been capped and Lindsay Lohan is in rehab, but we’re not sure how long either one is going to hold. With the well cap holding so far, Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan are now competing for the title of "biggest disaster."

For the first time since April, oil has stopped gushing into the Gulf of Mexico. I’m not sure what engineers they used to fix it but I think we can rule out the guys who created the new iPhone 4. Apple will now offer a free iPhone case for all iPhone users. It’s not going to help reception, but it protects the iPhone after you throw it against the wall.

Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are rumored to be preparing to film a reality show. Sarah Palin says she can’t wait to start shooting, but that’s totally unrelated.

This Date In History: 1848; The first women's rights convention, called by Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Lucretia C. Mott, was held in Seneca Falls, New York. 1870; The Franco-Prussian war began. 1941; Winston Churchill was the first to use the two-finger "V is for Victory" sign.

1966; Fifty year-old singer Frank Sinatra married 21-year-old actress Mia Farrow. 1984; Geraldine Ferraro became the first woman nominated for the vice-presidency by a major political party. 1993; President Clinton announced the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding gays in the military.

Picture Of The Day: Today's picture of the day has to be the one shown below and I must tell you, the first time my mother told me that we were having this for dinner, my mind's eye came up with just about the same image. Suffice to say that I wasn't looking forward to that evening's dinner but as it turned out, I like it.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. 2) I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves. 3) The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals. 4) My girlfriend asked me, "Do You believe in love at first sight?" I said, "At the first sight of what?" 5) I think that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.....and that's five !

Birthdays: Samuel Colt, inventor 1814, Mary Ann Bickerdyke, nurse 1817, Edgar Degas, French painter and sculptor 1834.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: An old drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you Sir?" The drunk mumbles, "Yessh! Ssomebody sstole my car." The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?" The drunk replies, "It wasss on the end of thisshh key."

About that time the cop looks down and sees the drunk's manhood hanging out of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out, "Holy shit! My girlfriend's gone, too!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's post.

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, "What the hell was that all about?"

A Jewish man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing genie. He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle east, that’s my wish." The genie looks concerned, then says, "No, I’m sorry, that’s just not possible. Some things just can’t be changed. Do you have another wish?" The guys says, "Well, my whole life I’ve never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says, "How would you define peace?"

A man sees a drunk on the floor of a bar. He picks him up off the floor, and offers to take him home. On the way to the car, the drunk falls down three times. When they get to his house, the man helps him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, the drunk falls down three more times. The man rings the bell and the drunk's wife answers the door. The man says, "Here's your husband!" The drunk's wife says, "Where's his wheelchair?"

A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch. The bartender, believing that the customer will not be able to tell the difference, pours him a shot of the cheap 3-year-old house scotch that has been poured into an empty bottle of the good stuff. The man takes a sip and spits the scotch out on the bar and reams the bartender, "This is the cheapest 3-year-old scotch you can buy. I'm not paying for it. Now, give me a good 12-year-old scotch."

The bartender, now feeling a bit of a challenge, pours him a scotch of much better quality, 6-year-old scotch. The man takes a sip and spits it out on the bar. "This is only 6-year-old scotch. I won't pay for this, and I insist on a good, 12-year-old scotch. The bartender finally relents and serves the man his best quality, 12-year-old scotch. The man sips the drink and says, "Now that's more like it."

An old drunk from the end of the bar, who has witnessed the entire episode, walks down to the finicky scotch drinker and sets a glass down in front of him and asks, "What do you think of this?" The scotch expert takes a sip, and in disgust, violently spits out the liquid yelling "This tastes like piss!" The old drunk replies, "It is piss, now guess how old I am."

A man staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informed him that he was not allowed to serve alcohol who seemed to be drunk. After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested to the man to prove he wasn't drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor. As he was doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees this guy on the floor doing push-ups. He looks at him for a minute and then kicks him in the ribs saying, "Fella, I think your girl friend has gone home."

That's it for today my little whipper snappers. Remember, even when men are able to figure women out, they still can't believe it! More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


Heli gunner Tom said...

Hi Jim,
Isn't it funny how Army boot camp gets all of the new recruits to clean the tray in just a week or two after they enlisted-- even the rich boys who usually turned up their noses at Army chow...Ha! ??
I was raised on a farm by a Navy Veteran and we all had to eat all the food on the plate. Different strokes...

Tom Schuckman

jack69 said...

I was doing well, hoping the scotch drinker could guess the drunkis age, then I hit the iceburg!
Thanks for the laughs!

Paula said...

I spotted eggplant and chicken pot pie here. They are both okay but I would eat dirt before I would eat liver.

Joann said...

I'm with Paula.... will NOT eat liver!! I think I got all of the pics, but that first one took me awhile, until I got the hang of it... LOL!!!

I'm SOOOO disappointed in Mel Gibson, I used to really admire him, in the years when he was with his wife, before all the drunken escapades.... he's really lost it!!

Joann said...

I'm with Paula.... will NOT eat liver!! I think I got all of the pics, but that first one took me awhile, until I got the hang of it... LOL!!!

I'm SOOOO disappointed in Mel Gibson, I used to really admire him, in the years when he was with his wife, before all the drunken escapades.... he's really lost it!!

garnett109 said...

Liver is awesome smoothered in onions

Rose said...

I loved all your graphics in today's Post.

I have no clue how they got their names. Like Beef Steak Tomatoes???? Iceberg Lettuce???? There must be a book on how they got their names.

I like liver and onions. Haven't had it in years but made right, it is good.

Ally Lifewithally said...

I don't like Liver Jimmy but the dogs do:o) ~ love your pictures especially the Chicken pie ~ Ally x