Wednesday, July 14, 2010

There's A Liquor Leak In AREA 51 And I'm going To Go Cap It

There is a movement to build a mosque on the 9-11 ground zero site in New York. There is also many people who oppose the site. Building a mosque at ground zero would be like raising the U.S.S. Arizona from Pearl Harbor and erecting a monument to the Japanese pilots who bombed it. Certain things just shouldn't be done!

I'm a firm believer in freedom of religion and freedom of speech, yet it's against the law to yell "fire" in a crowded theater. All countries have their own memorial sites and these sites should be respected. If New York needs another mosque, then build it at another site.

BP is hopefully getting close to capping the well In the Gulf of Mexico. They are going very slowly now, hopefully on the side of caution and not inadequacy. We'll see what the 'morrow brings.

The News As I See It: The Vatican posted a financial loss for the third straight year in a row. In fact, to make ends meet, they’ve had to rob Peter to pay Paul.

The World Cup final on Sunday was watched by 24.3 million people in the U.S. In related news, there are at least 24.3 million immigrants living in the U.S. Spanish people all over the world celebrated Spain’s first World Cup championship, except, of course, in Arizona.

On the latest Mel Gibson tape, he insults women and uses ethnic slurs and obscenities. I knew Mel was an actor and a director, but apparently he’s also a hip-hop rapper. Gibson was heard on an audio tape screaming obscenities at his girlfriend. Well there’s another success story for eHarmony.

Fidel Castro appeared on Cuban television for the first time in years. He condemned the United States, nuclear proliferation, and LeBron James.
The owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers was fined $100,000 for his angry rant against LeBron James. Mel Gibson was like, "You call that a rant?"

This Date In History: 1789; The storming and destruction of Bastille marked the beginning of the French Revolution. 1798; Congress passed the Sedition Act, making it a crime to publish false, scandalous, or malicious writing about the U.S. government.

1881; Billy the Kid was shot by Sheriff Pat Garrett in New Mexico. 1921; In one of the most controversial cases in U.S. history, anarchists Nicola Sacco and Bartolomeo Vanzetti were convicted of two murders and sentenced to death. 1933; In Germany, all political parties except the Nazi party were outlawed.

1946; Dr. Spock's Common Sense Book of Baby & Child Care was published. 1958; A military coup overthrew the monarchy in Iraq, killing King Faisal II. General Abdul Karim Kassem becomes Iraq's leader.

Picture Of The Day: It was a fun day at the photoshop. Cuba frees many political prisoners and just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water, Fidel Castro comes out of his political coma and takes a dump on the United States and Korea, claiming the U.S. sunk the South Korean warship.

If that's not enough, Mel Gibson is becoming more insane by the hour and Apple's new 4G I-phone won't work if you hold it in the wrong place. Duct tape was actually an answer on how to fix it. Uh, do I hear recall?

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My friend spilled spot remover on his dog and the dog's gone now. 2) I dreamed that God sneezed and I didn't know what to say to him. 3) My first wife learned to drive three weeks after we got married. The following week, she learned how to aim it. One evening I came home and the car was in the dining room. I said, "How did you get the car in here?" She said, "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen." 4) Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. 5) When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.....and that's five !

Birthdays: James McNeill Whistler, painter 1834, Emmeline Pankhurst, woman suffragist 1858, Gertrude Bell, traveler, author, and government official 1868, Woody Guthrie, American folk singer, guitarist, and composer 1912, Gerald R. Ford, former president 1913, Ingmar Bergman, director 1918, Maulana Karenga, scholar 1941.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor dear was several sandwiches short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her eccentric behavior, and some of them even joined in the fun.

One day Ethel was speeding along one of the corridors when a man stepped out of one of the doorways with his arm outstretched and said, firmly, "Stop! Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit-Kat wrapper, which she handed to him with a big smile. He said, "Ok", and off she went again.

Taking the corner by the TV lounge on one wheel as usual, she found another man standing in the corridor in front of her. He said, "Stop! Have you got a valid registration for that vehicle, madam?" Ethel dug into her handbag again and came up with a well-used beermat, which she presented for inspection. Whereupon she was sent on her way once more.

Heading down the last corridor before the front door, a third man stepped out in front of her. He was stark naked, and holding a sizable erection in one hand. Ethel, "Oh hell, not the breathalyzer again!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood." The second bat said, "We're new here, it's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us." The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.

When he returns, he is covered with blood. The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?" The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?" The second bat answers, "Yes." The first bat replies, "Well, I didn't."

A small boy was at a large shopping mall and became separated from his grandfather. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my Grandpa!" The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, "Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits."

A little boy and a little girl were friends and attended the same school. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.

He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?" She said, "I love it, but I have to stop eating it." He asked, "Why?" She pointed to her lap and said "Because I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!" He said, "Let me see." She said, "Okay" and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken."

The boy kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches. I'm starting to get feathers down there too! " She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her. She said, "Oh, my God, It's too late for you! You've already got the neck and the gizzards!"

That's it for today my little milk duds. Remember, even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. That said, I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour but I won't just sit there. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


Frances said...

Building a Mosque near the ground zero site is so wrong. It is a slap in the face for all Americans. B.O. will probably go along with it, though, since he likes the Muslims so much.

Frances said...

Building a Mosque near the ground zero site is so wrong. It is a slap in the face for all Americans. B.O. will probably go along with it, though, since he likes the Muslims so much.

jack69 said...

Oh, hope you got the leak capped!!!

jack69 said...

Amazing, bigamy and monogamy are the same. I would not have believed it without the explaination.
Man, thanks! Jimmy!

garnett109 said...

neck & gizzards jimmy? Lmao thanks!
I think there will be an all out riot if a mosque was built on that site , time to clean house!

Paula said...

Amen to Frances' comment.