New Scam Warning For Older Men !

Women are often warned about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. I am issuing a new, similar warning for older men. Being an advocate for safety, I feel it is necessary to relate details of a clever scam that was recently perpetrated.

Men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart are the target of the newest scam. Here's how it works:

Two nice looking young girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy, see-through T-shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's. You agree and they climb into the vehicle.

On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts touching and crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I personally had my wallet stolen on July 3rd, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

Warn your friends to be vigilant. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Store and bought them out in three of their stores. Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's to Home Depot to Wal-Mart.

Please send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam (the best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon).

The News As I See It: AT&T announced today that they are working on a new app for the iPhone. This one will allow you to make calls.

BP's oil cap seems to be working. The cap they’re using is childproof, so it’ll never come off.

They want to build a mosque near the site of the World Trade Center. If you put a mosque there, there’s no way terrorists will blow it up. If I was in charge, I would put a mosque on top of every building in America.

This Date In History: 1861; Confederate forces won victory at Bull Run in the first major battle of the Civil War. 1873; The first train robbery west of the Mississippi was pulled off by Jesse James and his gang.

1925; In the "Monkey Trial," John T. Scopes was found guilty of violating Tennessee state law by teaching evolution. 1949; The U.S. Senate ratified the North Atlantic Treaty. 1970; The Aswan High Dam was opened in Egypt. 1998; Astronaut Alan Shepard died.

Picture Of The Day: I don't really know how I managed to mix sexy women and dogs together today, but since I'm a bit eclectic, I just leave that thought alone. Maybe it's because I had puppies on my mind.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. 2) Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? 3) Good girls are bad girls that never get caught. 4) Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, whack them with a baseball bat", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise. 5) Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.....and that's five !

Birthdays: Jean Picard, astronomer 1620, Ernest Hemingway, American novelist and short-story writer 1899, Isaac Stern, violinist 1920, John Gardner, writer 1933, Janet Reno, U.S. Attorney General 1938, Kenneth Starr, independent counsel 1946, Garry Trudeau, political cartoonist 1948, Robin Williams, comedian 1951.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: An elderly couple was attending church services when about halfway through she leans over and says to him, "I just had a silent passing of gas, what do you think I should do?" He leans over to her and replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid..."

An old man in his struggles to get up from the couch and then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?" He replies, "I'm going to the doctor." She says, "Why, are you sick?" He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."

Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat. He says, "Where the hell are you going"? She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too." He says, "Why, what do you need?" She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt for his contribution to today's post.

A guy has a talking dog and brings it to a talent scout. He says, "This dog can speak English." The guys says to the dog, "What’s on the top of a house?" The dog replies, "Roof!" The talent agent responds, "Come on, all dogs go "roof'."

The guy says, "No, wait!" He asks the dog, "What does sandpaper feel like?" The dog answers, "Rough!" The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience.

The guy says, "Wait, this one will amaze you." He turns and asks the dog, "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog says, "Ruth!" The talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. Outside, the dog turns to the guy and says, "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into a man's yard. The man could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. He followed the man into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and the man let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks.

Curious, the man pinned a note to his collar which read: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap." The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar which read: "He lives in a home with a nagging wife and four screaming children. He's just trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench.

When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself against the door. He does this again and again with no answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door.

A big guy opens it and starts cursing at the dog. The butcher runs up screams at the guy, "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius, my ass. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

That's it for today my little butter cups. Remember, it's better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. Wednesday is Hump Day and that means Happy Hour in AREA 51. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !