Out And About - My Weekend Escapades

Some of you may be aware of the fact that I was out carousing Friday night and didn't make it home until the wee hours. It may also interest you to remember that in today's age of electronics, there's usually proof. Fortunately, my pal Luly snapped this picture of my pal Carol and I singing a duet at Holleman's Restaurant in Miami Springs. It was also fortunate that no other pictures exist of the rest of the evening.

It was great to see my pal, Randy, again. We went to high school together and spent time reminiscing about the "good ole days." I had a great time!

I often think about the recurring television commercials of a man standing with a hungry little child and asking you to send money to feed him. While I'm in favor of helping children, here's a thought. Why doesn't the commentator, or the camera man, or the producer, or the director or any of the many people being paid to film the production give the kid a damned sandwich?

I am also concerned about the condition of one little girl though in particular. In the 15 years they've been showing her picture, she hasn't aged one day. It must be something in the water.

Then, they show you poor people in a dusty, windy village, also suffering from hunger. Again, the commentator is asking for money to help them. Try this - Move them to where the food is! They're living in the desert! Pack all their meager belongs, put them in the production bus and drive them to a forest that has lakes, streams, fertile land and animals. In the interim, fire the chief of the village who decided that the desert was a great place to live!

The News As I See It: The U. S. Postal Service announced today they lost $8.5 billion this year. They said they blame it on people using e-mail and the fact that terrorists have switched to UPS.

The major pilots unions are complaining about the use of full-body scanners and these pat-down techniques at the airport. Pilots say the searches make it almost impossible for them to smuggle in liquor.

President Obozo said on "60 Minutes" that he wants to bring back the 8 million jobs we’ve lost. Today, India said "no." Obozo’s overseas trip has been such a disaster that people in Kenya now claim that he has an American birth certificate

This Date In History: 1763; Charles Mason and Jeremiah Dixon began surveying the Mason-Dixon line. 1777; The Continental Congress approved the Articles of Confederation, the precursor to the U.S. Constitution. 1806; Explorer Zebulon Pike spotted the mountaintop now known as Pikes Peak.

1939; The cornerstone of the Jefferson Memorial was laid by President Roosevelt. 1969; About 250,000 protesters against the Vietnam War, the largest war protest ever, converged peacefully on Washington, DC. 2002; Hu Jintao replaced Jiang Zemin as China's Communist Party leader.

Picture Of The Day: Some more pictures from Saxophone Day, celebrating the birth in 1814 of Adolphe Sax, who invented the instrument.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) One of the great mysteries to me is the fact that a woman can pour hot wax on her legs and pelvic area, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider. 2) This month is Farm Animal Awareness Week. It is also National Singles week. Please do NOT get the two mixed up. 3) Clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad. 4) How important does a man have to be before he's considered assassinated instead of just murdered ? 5) Ax me about Ebonics.....and that's five !

Birthdays: William Pitt, statesman 1708, William Herschel, astronomer 1738, Felix Frankfurter, jurist 1882, Georgia O'Keeffe, painter 1887, Marianne Moore, poet 1887, William Averell Harriman, public official 1891, Erwin Rommel, German Field Marshal 1891, Edward Asner, actor 1929.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'' The farmer says, "What a coincidence! This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'' The woman says, "This is a special day for me, too. I am also celebrating!" The farmer says, "What a coincidence!"

As they clinked glasses the man asked, "What are you celebrating?'' The woman says, "My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'' The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'' The woman says, "That's great! How did your chickens become fertile?'' The man says, "I used a different cock." The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my ex-wife Susie for her contribution to today's stories.

An Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm"? His mother said, "Because he was conceived during a strong thunderstorm." Then he asked "Why is my sister named Wild Flower?" His mother replied, "Your father and I were lying in a beautiful meadow of flowers when we made her."

Still hungry for knowledge, the boy then asked, "And why is my other sister called Moonchild?" His mother smiled and answered, "We were lying in the forest during the full moon when she was conceived."

The mother paused and said to her son, "I am happy that you want to know our family history, but tell me, Two Dogs Humping, why are you so curious?"

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this, Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, ugly old lady moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady walked between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother."

An old Italian Mafia Don was dying and he called his grandson to his bed and said, "Grandson I wanna you lisin' to me. I want for you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me." The boy said, "But grandpa I really don’t like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead. "

The Don said, "You lisina to me, soma day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambino. Soma day you goina coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. What do you do then? Point to your watch and say 'Time's Up?'"

That's it for today my little bambinos. Remember, never be afraid to try something new. Keep in mind that amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !