Friday, April 13, 2012

Hot Dog Pizza?

Pizza Hut, the company that first brought us the stuffed crust pizza, has launched a pizza stuffed with hot dogs available for delivery in the U.K. Hot dog pizza? Hot dogs and pizza don't go together. It's like monogamy in a Kardashian. It's like a dog show and Michael Vick. It's like dancing and stars.

The delivery site describes the pizza as a "succulent hot dog sausage bursting from our famous stuffed crust, with a free mustard drizzle." Only the large, 14-inch-pie is available for delivery.

Succulent hot dog? I like an occasional hot dog, especially at the horse track or a baseball game, but let's face it. The dubious content that goes into a hot dog can never be referred to as "succulent." Still, everyone laughed when someone decided to put pineapple on a pizza and.....

On a side note, some of you may have noticed that my normal Wednesday post came out Tuesday. I have no idea how I confused the two days. Then again, I have no idea what I had for breakfast this morning.....

The News As I See It: The price of gasoline has now doubled under Obama's administration. He and Jimmy Carter are the only presidents ever to have had that happen. But in fairness, at least under Obama we don't have to listen to disco.

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are dating and apparently they're getting serious. Friends say Kanye is the man Kim wants to spend the rest of her month with. Kim continues the tradition, handed down to her from her father, O.J. Simpson attorney Robert Kardashian, of getting black men off.

In Alabama, a meth lab was found operating inside a Walmart bathroom. On the bright side, Walmart is finally selling products that are made in America.

Harvard Law School will soon offer a ridiculous class called "Understanding Obama" while Barnum and Bailey Clown College will offer a class called "Understanding O'Biden."

Newt Gingrich's campaign wrote a $500 check to participate in the Utah primary, but it bounced. Even M.C. Hammer was like, "Manage your money, bro."

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal announced that he is supporting Mitt Romney for president. Jindal said he couldn’t think of a better way to show his support than waiting until Romney was the only guy left.

Melissa Gilbert suffered a concussion on "Dancing With the Stars." It's the first time anyone connected with that show has actually seen stars. Sherri Shepherd was evicted from the show. I feel bad for her because not only is she off "Dancing With the Stars," but she has to go back to "The View."

Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen has been suspended for five games because of his comments praising Fidel Castro. Now he's apologizing after talking it over with his good friend Hugo Chavez.

A 102 year-old- man in New York who still works as a valet parking attendant. It’s not easy for him. Every time he parks a car, he has to pull over three times for a bathroom break.

Tuesday was National Be Kind to Lawyers Day. More than 187 people gathered to celebrate.

This Date In History: 1598; The Edict of Nantes gave religious tolerance to the Huguenots in France. 1742; Handel’s Messiah was first publicly performed in Dublin, Ireland. 1964; Sidney Poitier became the first African American to win the Academy Award for best actor.

1970; Apollo 13 announced "Houston, we've got a problem," when an oxygen tank burst on the way to the Moon. 1975; Civil War began in Lebanon when gunmen killed 4 Christian Phalangists who retaliated by killing 27 Palestinians.

1997; Tiger Woods became the youngest person to win the Masters Tournament and the first Black to win a major golf title.

2004; Barry Bonds hit his 661st homer, passing Willie Mays to take third place on the lifetime list.

Picture Of The Day: The light at the end of the tunnel?

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia. 2) Schizophrenia beats being alone. 3) The difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets. 4) It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's also shipping and handling. 5) Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean.....against doors, tables, walls.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aries April 13th: The date is an omen but I wouldn't fret about it. Go out and have a good time. Wear short sleeves and support your right to bare arms. You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes and you will learn a lot today. Chance of romance is 33.33 percent. 

Birthdays: My friend Linda - Happy Birthday girl! 19XX, Thomas Jefferson, third president of the United States of America 1743, Butch Cassidy outlaw 1866, Samuel Beckett playwright 1906, Eudora Welty novelist 1909, Ben Nighthorse Campbell U.S. senator 1933, Seamus Heaney poet 1939.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He sips it and sets it down. A little monkey, sitting on a perch behind the bar, swings across the bar and pisses in the beer. The little monkey then returns to the perch.

The old man, incensed, asks the bartender who owns the monkey. The bartender replies, "The piano player".

The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey pissed in my beer?" The pianist replies, "No, but if you can hum it, I'll play it."

A man had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. When the man stood up to leave, he fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time with the same result. He crawled outside and got some fresh air thinking that would sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face.

So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.

This time he managed to pull himself upright, fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!" The man asked innocently, "What makes you say that?" His wife replied, "The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

Jack met his new V.A. doctor this week. He went to the V.A. the other day and found out he has been assigned a new doctor, Colonel Gladys Potter, M.D.; U.S. Army Medical Corps (ret). Her specialties include men’s ailments, geriatric issues, and dietary disorders specialist.

Jack was embarrassed but Doctor Potter said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional. I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll check it out." Jack said, "My wife thinks my pecker tastes funny."

A man was laying on his back and fell asleep on the beach under the noon day sun. He suffered a severe sunburn to his legs. He was taken to the hospital. His skin had turned a bright red and was very painful and had started to blister. Anything that touched his legs caused agony.

The doctor prescribed continued intravenous feedings of water and electrolytes, a mild sedative and Viagra. Rather astounded, the nurse inquired, "What good will Viagra do him in that condition?" The doctor replied, "Nothing, but it'll keep the sheets off of his legs."

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles..." So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." The doctor asked, "Where?" Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em?"

That's it for today, my little Lilliputians. Remember, we have enough youth. We need a fountain of "smart"? I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


Rose said...

Hot Dog Pizza! Doesn't sound very healthy or appetizing to me at all.

People have to start learning to eat healthy.

Hugggggggggggggs, Rose

jack69 said...

I thought that VA dr. was typing on face book instead of my records. She said the VA was saving money. So much for their privacy policy. Hope what's her name doesn't read that!

I like the O'Biden class, and it is taught at the correct place also.

Hope you can make it back from Area 51 after the weekend.

Oh yes my wife noticed you published ont he wrong day, me I didn't notice.
Take care

Paula said...

Oh the words they use to try to hook us in. Free mustard drizzle indeed.

Garnet said...

Re: Hot Dog Pizza- thanks for the warning. Vomitrocious. On the other hand, a Pizza Hot Dog (hot dog in a bun with sauce, melted cheese, and maybe some other toppings) doesn't sound bad. Pizza Hut got it all backwards.