Remembering Dick Clark

It was a ritual of the late '50s. Every day, after school, I would quickly do my chores and homework so I could watch Dick Clark on American Bandstand. I was a teenager and aspiring singer-musician and what better way to hear the top hits, see the great bands and learn the latest dances.

Dick Cark had many guest stars on the show, including Frankie Avalon, Dion and The Belmonts, The Beach Boys, Chuck Berry, Frankie and the Juniors, Bobby Darrin, Madonna and countless others. Many dances came and went including the hop, the twist, the camel walk, the stroll, the watusi and so many others. It was the veritable "American Idol" of it's time and so much better!

My teenage years were also the birth of girl watching and I was in love with two of the regular girls on the show, Bunny and Carmen. There were other girls on the show, but these two were my favorites.

Brother Kirt and I would watch the musicians and after the show, we would try to learn the new songs that were at the top of the charts. Guitar practice was always a fun time. We would also watch to learn what the newest clothes and hair styles were (especially the duck tail). Did I mention that I also had an eye for Bunny (L) and Carmen(R)?

The late 50's and early 60's played a big part in my life. A lot of people today may remember the TV show "Happy Days" and the movie "American Graffiti." These two shows were from times that I grew up in. I literally lived during that era.

American Bandstand was a mainstay back in the day and Dick Clark continued on to be successful, most memorably when he annually hosted the New Year's Eve party in Times Square.

Dick Clark (1929-2012), the world's oldest teenager, died early this morning of a massive heart attack at the age of 82. He was a major influence in my life and I will miss him. Rest in Peace, Mr. Clark.

The News As I See It: The government will spend a trillion dollars more than it will take in this year. Experts say 32 percent of our taxes go to defense and hookers for the Secret Service. In case you're wondering where the rest of your tax dollars go, 21 percent goes to Medicare and Medicaid, 20 percent to social security and the other 27 percent they squander.

This week is National Volunteer Week. This is the week to do one nice thing so you spend the rest of the year telling everyone about it.

Obama talked about the Secret Service prostitution scandal, saying he’s reserving judgment until all the facts are in or at least until he figures out a way to blame this on George Bush or Mitt Romney.

Arnold Schwarzenegger did something interesting on his Facebook page. He asked fans to give him ideas for things to write about in his autobiography. Apparently, he's unaware of the use of the prefix "auto", meaning "oneself."

During an interview, Obama again called Kanye West a jackass. I think that Obama's finally found an issue that can bring this country together.

This Date In History: 1775; Paul Revere rode from Charlestown to Lexington to warn Massachusetts colonists of the arrival of British troops during the American Revolution. 1906; The Great San Francisco Earthquake destroyed over 4 sq mi. and killed over 500 people.

1923; The first game was played in Yankee Stadium (the House that Ruth built). Yankees beat the Boston Red Sox 4–1. 1956; Grace Kelly married Prince Rainier of Monaco. 1968; London Bridge was sold to an American. It was rebuilt in Arizona.

1978; The U.S. Senate voted to hand over the Panama Canal to Panamanian control on December 31, 1999. 2002; Afghanistan’s former king, Mohammad Zahir Shah, returned after 29 years in exile.

Picture Of The Day: The news of the Secret Service scandal in Cartagena, Columbia is spreading all over the world.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) About half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief." 2) The Driver Education classes in my school only used the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays because the Sex Ed classes used it on Tuesdays and Thursdays. 3) Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss. 4) At the age of six, I was left an orphan. So I sat there thinking, I'm six years old, what the hell am I supposed to do with an orphan? 5) The city of Chicago got started when a bunch of people in New York said, "You know, I'm enjoying the crime and poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.".....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aries - April 18th: The weight's off your shoulders now that you've filed your taxes. Today's hump day - go out tonight and have a great time! The chance of an IRS audit is one out of a thousand. You'll be fine! Chance of romance is 35.43 percent. Hey, don't complain. That's a lot better than the IRS audit odds.

Birthdays: My friend Janice - Happy Birthday Baby! 19XX, Clarence Darrow, American lawyer 1857, Lucrezia Borgia noblewoman 1480, Carlos Manuel de Cespedes revolutionist 1819, Max Weber painter 1881, Leopold Stokowski conductor 1882, Conan O'Brien talk-show host 1963.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Some older women are gathered and the subject of conversation turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says "We're Catholic so we can't use it." The next woman says "I am too but we use the rhythm method."

The third woman says "We use the bucket and saucer method." The other girls ask, "What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?" The woman says, "Well, I'm five foot eleven and my husband is five foot two. We make love standing up with him standing on a bucket. When his eyes get big as saucers, I kick the bucket out from under him.

A Texan and his wife were on a trip to New York. She had just finished showering to dress for dinner and noticed that she had neglected to pack her bras. She asked her husband to go down to the dress shop in the lobby and pick up a couple of 36-C bras. He said, "I'll go right now."

So he put on his ten gallon hat and went to the shop. The saleslady said, "May I help you sir?" When he told her that he wanted two 36-C bras. She asked, "Would you like two Playtex?" He answered, "I'd love to little lady, but my wife's waiting for me up in the room."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner. The attorney asked, "Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? The coroner replied, "No, I did not." The attorney asked, "Did you listen to the heart?" The coroner answered, "No, I did not." The attorney: said, "Did you check for breathing?" The coroner said, "No."

The attorney said, "So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?" The coroner replied, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess its possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere."

An American and a Russian were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, 'Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished.' The American nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the American and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the American collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded.

When he finally got his wrestler alone, the trainer asked, 'How did you get out of that hold?" The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could."

The trainer exclaimed, "That's what finished him off?" The American replied, "Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls."

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabby says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." The passenger says, "Who?" The cabby says, "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right...all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. Things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

The cabby continued, "Good old Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

The passenger says, "Sounds like he was something really special" The cabby says, "There's more! Frank, he never made a mistake. He really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong. His clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - he was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

The passenger said, "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?" The cabby said, "Well, I never actually met Frank. The passenger asked, "Then how do you know so much about him?" The cabby replied, "I married his f*cking widow."

That's it for today, my little butterflies. Remember, do not regret growing old. It's a privilege denied to many. Assuming everything falls into place, I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !