Monday, June 17, 2013

7-Eleven Smuggling Pakistanis Into U.S.? You're Kidding ?!

This is news for who? Shut-ins? Agents from the Department of Homeland Security raided as many as 15 7-Eleven shops in New York and Virginia early Monday morning, alleging that they were helping to smuggle workers into the U.S. from Pakistan. Uh, this maybe news for Homeland Security, but no one else. I haven't seen an American born worker in a 7-Eleven or any other convenience store in twenty years.

As a patriot, I'd like to point out that there are also Mexicans and other illegal aliens crossing the Mexican border into the United States. I would also further advise the former softball shortstop and astute Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano that in other news uncovered 200 years ago, the British are coming..... 

Nine store owners and mangers have been arrested on charges of harboring and hiring undocumented immigrants, The New York Times reports. The store owners also stand accused of wire fraud and using fake Social Security numbers to pay their workers.

Federal authorities said that the raids are a part of an investigation into human smuggling, identity theft and money laundering, according to the AP. Our government in action.....

The News As I See It: Obama is traveling to Africa later this month and it's got some people upset because the trip is expected to cost taxpayers more than 60 million dollars. It's mostly for security, hotel accommodations — plus Biden wants a giraffe.

Obama said he welcomes a national debate over our surveillance policies. He said that's a debate we wouldn't have had five years ago. Five years ago? It's a debate we wouldn't have had two weeks ago if they all hadn't gotten caught.

At the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender pride month celebration at the White House, Obama promised that as long as he is president, all Americans, regardless of their sexual orientation, will be spied on equally. It seems like having a queer celebration is financial possible although there's no money for White House tours for students and children. 

The Taliban is now recruiting women to become suicide bombers and it's not easy to qualify. The women must be able to push a car loaded with explosives because, as you know, they're not allowed to drive over there.

Edward Snowden shows up in a hotel in Hong Kong and announces to the world that he's leaked confidential National Security Agency memos and documents. He's now gone. Where is this guy? If only there was a way to keep track of people.

A 97-year-old man from New York just received his high school diploma. As it turns out, there’s a problem. Apparently he’s only reading at a 95-year-old level.

** I bet Adam and Eve loved being the first people because they didn't have to worry about ghosts. **

This Date In History: 1775; The Battle of Bunker Hill took place during the American Revolution. 1885; The Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City aboard the French ship Isere. 1928; Amelia Earhart embarked on the first trans-Atlantic flight by a woman.

1944; The Republic of Iceland was established. 1963; U.S. Supreme Court ruled that no locality may require recitation of Lord's Prayer or Bible verses in public schools. 1972; Burglary of Democratic Party headquarters in Washington, DC, started the Watergate political scandal.

1994; O. J. Simpson's slow-speed chase by the police, watched by millions on TV, ended in his arrest. 2002; Australian scientists announced that they had "teleported" a laser beam - breaking it up and reconstructing it in another location.

Picture Of The Day: The newest NSA agent.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Apparently sitting here on my new lawn furniture, drinking my vodka and minding my business is disturbing to other Target guests. 2) According to this bathroom stall, my ex changed her number again. 3) Curiously, it's always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences. 4) If I were a Greek philosopher, my name would be Mediocrites. 5) "We have nothing to fear but fear itself", said people who have never seen a flying cockroach.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 17th: Raisins are a lovely dried up fruit, however, the old man who runs the hairdressers down the road, is not. Most of your dreams will come true over the coming fortnight, so prepare for wealth, health and happiness. Google is about to take over your life - play responsibly.

Birthdays: John Wesley, English evangelical preacher, founder of Methodism 1703, James Weldon Johnson author, educator 1871, Igor Stravinsky composer 1882, M. C. Escher artist 1898, Dan .Jansen skater 1965, Venus Williams tennis player 1980.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to it's slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the surface over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune ..... the store manager sees her and unplugs the electric horse.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with.

The man said, "This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?" The pharmacist said "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, "I talked it over with my sister and the best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $3000 a month in living expenses."

She married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. Once more, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together." One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?" The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."

The lady in front of me decided at the last second to come to a screeching halt when the traffic light turned yellow. I was very angry but lucky for her, I prefer to eat my fries from the dashboard.

That's it for today, my little twiddly winks. Remember, to err is human, to eh is Canadian.

More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Sitting here in Alabama and enjoying the blog. I spit my green tea when I read"plus Biden wants a giraffe."

Like the intro and all the news.
Take care down there. We will keep up with you from Mississippi and on west!

journally yours, gem said...

Hi Jimmy!
there's just so much to read on your blog and I enjoy them all. I love the "5 printable things I never told you" funny!
journally yours,
Gem :)

Paula said...

Poor blonde on the electric horse. I'm glad it wasn't a blonde who had all those kids.