Friday, June 28, 2013

An Opportunity Squandered

Let's see.... I'm young, in good health, a star in the NFL and I've just signed a contract for $40 million dollars. Cool! Guess I'll go kill someone. What the hell was I thinking?

23-year-old Aaron Hernandez was arrested Wednesday at his mansion in North Attleborough, Massachusetts and accused of orchestrating the execution-style shooting of his friend, Odin Lloyd, allegedly because Lloyd had talked to the wrong people at a nightclub.

He was denied bail at a hearing Thursday in a Massachusetts courtroom, where a prosecutor said a Hummer belonging to Hernandez turned up an ammunition clip matching the caliber of casings found at the scene of Lloyd's killing.

This kid had the world by the cojones and this is what he does? Well, kiss the NFL and the $40 million goodbye, and I'm relatively sure that sweet thing that lives with you will be checking out as well, tout suite.

If there's one good thing about this, you're already covered in tattoos so you'll fit right in with the prison population.

The News As I See It: The Supreme Court has ruled the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional. Same-sex married couples are now entitled to the same benefits as other married couples. That's great news for the Lone Ranger and Tonto.

The ruling opened the door for same-sex marriage to resume in California. Apparently, the judges were really swayed by that Liberace movie. Now that the Act has been overturned, the ruling means California gay guys can finally marry someone other than Liza Minnelli.

Obama is currently on a week-long trip to Africa where he will promote freedom, democracy and economic opportunity. I guess he figured it hasn't worked here — so he'll try it somewhere else.

Twinkies are going back on the shelf in July. Here's some Twinkies trivia for you. Twinkies are the only food that have a longer shelf life than the life of the average shelf.

This Date In History: 1836; The fourth president of the United States, James Madison, died at Montpelier, his Virginia estate. 1894; Labor Day became a federal holiday by an act of Congress. 1914; Archduke Francis Ferdinand of Austria-Hungary and his wife were assassinated, setting off World War I.

1919; The Treaty of Versailles was signed in France, ending World War I. 1978; The Supreme Court ruled in Regents of the University of California v. Bakke that the use of quotas in affirmative action programs was not permissible.

1996; The Citadel, the Military College of South Carolina, voted to admit women. 1997; Boxer Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield's ear during their heavyweight title fight, earning a 16-month suspension.

2000; Elian Gonzalez was returned to his father in Cuba. 2001; Serbia handed over Slobodan Milosevic over to the UN war crimes tribunal.

Picture Of The Day: The beautiful Flathead Lake in Montana. 

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) It's unfair to put your toddler on a leash if you're not going to also let them pee on parked car tires. 2) Every time my girlfriend stays over, we reenact the last scene from Titanic. She hogs the bed while I'm on the side hanging on for dear life. 3) I read that four years after pregnancy, thirty-eight percent of all moms still were not drinking. I think it's safe to say this survey was not done on Facebook. 4) It's impossible to have an "ok" time on a trampoline. It's either the most fun you've ever had or you go to the hospital. 5) There's been a rash of break ins recently involving teenage boys, so I replaced out all the locks in my home with bra clasps.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Cancer - June 28th: Be aware that all lines are not necessarily for amazingly happy things like roller coasters. Some are for terribly bad things like tax returns. So even though everyone appears to be in love with the same person and you see yourself as being at the back of that line, it might be a blessing.

Birthdays: Henry VIII, king of England (1509–47), second son and successor of Henry VII 1491, Peter Paul Rubens, painter 1577, Jean Jacques Rousseau, philosopher 1712, Luigi Pirandello, author 1867, Richard Rodgers, composer 1902, Mel Brooks, writer, film director 1926, John Elway, football player 1960, John Cusack, actor 1966.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man and wife are in bed and the wife says, "Honey, if I die would you get married again? Her husband replied, "No dear." His wife said, "I'm sure you would." The annoyed husband said, "Okay, I would."

The wife asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" Her husband answered, "Yeah, I guess so." The wife asked, "Would you let her wear my clothes?" Her husband replied, "No, she's taller than you."

A man was out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, a cop pulled him over. The policeman walked up to the man and asked, "Have you been drinking, sir?"

The man replied, "Why? Was I weaving all over the road?" The policeman said, "No, you were driving splendidly. It was the really ugly girl in the passenger seat that gave you away."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: An elderly Sun City lady did her shopping at Wal-Mart and upon returning to her car, found four young men in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. For the same reason she did not understand why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12 packs in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the Jasper County sheriff's office to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair and carrying a large handgun. (No charges were filed.)

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

The woman whispered as she stepped into the room, "What's the matter, dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee and says, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive and replies, "Yes I do, dear."

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. He asked, "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" The wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him, replied, "Yes, I do."

The husband continued, "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?" She replied, softly, "I remember that too." He wiped another tear from his cheek and said......."I would have gotten out today."

That's it for today, my little lily pads. Remember, most guys that think they know everything about women usually lack one thing.....a woman. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


Paula said...

Hope Hernandez will be a lesson to others, but I doubt he will. It makes me want to regurgatate. How can anyone be so stupid?

jack69 said...

It’s easy to agree with your introduction and I liked the news. Good idea about changing the locks. I succeeded ONCE in opening one of those, and got the order to ‘FASTEN IT BACK,’ Now some things are HARDER than others at a time like that.
Enjoyed the entry. It is quiet tonight as we read this; the peanut gallery of laughing fifty year olds has flown back to North Carolina.
Thanks for the fun and education.