Friday, June 21, 2013

I Need A New Job - I Guarantee It !

Men’s Wearhouse has fired founder and chairman George Zimmer, the bearded icon of 28 years of company television commercials. Apparently, the company doesn't like the way its founder looks anymore. Zimmer is best known for his catchphrase, "You’re going to like the way you look—I guarantee it."

Zimmer said the board was seeking to "silence" his concerns about the company. Ostensibly, Zimmer has been easing into retirement for several years. He stepped down as chief but may not have stepped as far down as the company’s leadership wanted.

On a similar note, the actor who portrays the "Most Interesting Man in the World" is more likely to attend a bar mitzvah than a Quinceañera. Jonathan Goldsmith, 72, whose face and voice are now inexorably linked with one of Mexico’s top-selling beers, is a New York-born Jew who lives with his wife on a 50-foot Beneteau sailboat in Marina del Rey.

Goldsmith is usually seen seated at a table, surrounded by beautiful women. The bearded, salt-and-pepper haired Goldsmith looks into the camera and says, "I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. Stay thirsty, my friends."

The News As I See It: It was a bad week on Wall Street — the stock market dropped over 350 points today. See, I knew Obama shouldn’t have come back home. I knew this was going to happen. On another note, the White House announced that during the summer, all scandals will be reruns. That's a programming reminder from the White House.

The latest search for Jimmy Hoffa has been called off. The FBI now says they called off the search because the NSA said it would be too difficult to find Jimmy Hoffa because he hasn't made a phone call since 1975.

Iran has elected a new president named Hassan Rohani. He's promised to improve Iran's economy and fix the unemployment problem. If that doesn't work, he's going to blame the whole thing on President Bush.

Germany is mad at the United States for the NSA eavesdropping. This comes from the country that gave us the Gestapo.

This Date In History: 1527; Italian statesman, diplomat, and author of “The Prince,” Niccolo Machiavelli died. 1788; The U.S. Constitution went into effect when New Hampshire became the 9th state to ratify it. 1834; Cyrus McCormick's mechanical reaper was patented.

1964; Three civil rights workers - James E. Chaney, 21; Andrew Goodman, 21; and Michael Schwerner, 24 - disappeared in Philadelphia, Miss. In 2005, 41 years after the disappearance, Edgar Killen was convicted of their murders.

1982; John Hinckley was found not guilty by reason of insanity for the attempted murder of President Ronald Reagan. 1989; The U.S. Supreme Court decided that burning the U.S. flag was protected under the First Amendment.

1997; The WNBA made its debut. 2004; Michael Melvill pilots the first privately-developed spacecraft, SpaceShipOne, into space.

Picture Of The Day: Three year old Grayson Clamp hears his father's voice for the first time. Little Grayson was born without hearing nerves in his ear and can now sense sound thanks to an experimental electrical ear implant. Priceless !

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The easiest way to piss off a vegan is to refer to their choice of diet as an "eating disorder". 2) It's not that I accept the "Terms and Conditions". It's just that I would rather not spend the rest of my life reading them. 3) Unsure about birth control? Watch my kids for 10 minutes. 4) Sit next to a stranger on a park bench, hand over an envelope with a random person's picture, whisper "It has to look like an accident" and walk away. 5) Million Dollar Idea ~ A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.of self absorbed teenage girls.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 21st: Google is about to take over your life - play responsibly. Your lucky horse for today is Sombrero's Lid. Some people seem to take the question "how stupid can you be?" as a personal challenge. Avoid that pitfall....hell, avoid all pitfalls !

Birthdays: My friend Raul - Felicidades Viejo 19XX, Reinhold Niebuhr, religious and social thinker 1892, Al Hirschfeld, cartoonist 1903, Jean-Paul Sartre, French existential philosopher, playwright, and novelist 1905, Mary McCarthy, novelist 1912, Benazir Bhutto, prime minister 1953, Prince William, English prince 1982.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around.

During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man’s work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!" A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer.

Lo and behold, it’s like a completely different place — the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows.

The preacher says, "This is amazing! Look what God and you have accomplished together!" The farmer, "Yes Reverend, but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!"

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What’ve you got in your truck?" The farmer replied, "Fertilizer."

The little boy asked, "What are you going to do with it?" The farmer answered, "Put it on strawberries." The little boy advised him, "You ought to live here. We put sugar and cream on ours."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. He told the dispatcher, "They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!"

Before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line. With a hiccup, the drunk said, "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and decided to make the question a little harder, "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "About 1,500." "That's right! You may enter."

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer and said,  "Name them."

That's it for today, my little pretty ones. Remember, the path less traveled by is usually taken only because one is lost. My destination this evening is AREA 51 where I will partake in happy hour activities.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

I needed this after driving over some rough roads for 8 hours. LOL it is nice to be able tto relax and laugh. But I do wish Obama had stayed away a little longer like ---years.
Thanks for a good read. We are in Columbus, Texas town where the Rangers were born.