Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Hi Ho Silver.....Away !

I was a bit miffed when I saw an advertisement for the new movie "The Lone Ranger" which wasn't even close to the image I had in my mind. Then I realized that I listened to the original Lone Ranger on an RCA Victor radio in the early '50s and last saw it on television in the mid '50s.

It is therefore reasonable to believe that many younger people have never even heard of the Lone Ranger and will accept whatever today's mindless Hollywood filmmakers will market, especially if it contains blood, gore and an excessive amount of curse words.

Unfortunately, the movie is set in the old West so the plethora of implausible car crash scenes and subsequent explosions will probably not be in the "film". The only real thing missing is casting and I'd like to see my favorite pseudo actors, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzeneggar, in the movie. Their combined knowledge of the English language is, at best, unintelligible and should fit perfectly into the film script. It's like casting Mel Brooks in the movie "Blazing Saddles" without the genius of Mel Brooks.....

The word "so" seems to be the current replacement for beginning a sentence incorrectly. From what I have gathered, it replaces the word(?) "Um" for those who seemingly want to say something but are unsure as to how to begin their thoughts.

The word "so" (referred to as a coordinating conjunction) is correctly used to imply that the speaker has established a point and is continuing to expound upon it. Having become somewhat accustomed to the proverbial "Um" as the beginning of a mindless sentence, it will take some time for me to get used to the word "so".

The original Lone Ranger and Tonto as portrayed by Clayton Moore and Jay Silverheels
The News As I See It: Convicted killer Joran van der Sloot is engaged and will get married in a prison in Peru. I've got a better idea. Cancel that engagement. Let's fix him up with Jodi Arias, have them go on a date and let nature take its course.

Obama says he is renewing his efforts to close Guantanamo Bay. How about closing the IRS? Why don’t we do that? How about shipping the IRS to Guantanamo Bay?

The latest California wildfire is getting pretty scary, but Governor Jerry Brown has it under control. He said he is going to tax and regulate the fire until it gets fed up and moves to another state.

In Pakistan, the Taliban's No. 2 man has been killed by an American drone. In a related story, today the Taliban's No. 3 man said he's stepping down to spend more time with his family.

During his trip to Brazil, Joe Biden said he was having such a good time that he didn’t want to go home. And that was just while he was riding on the baggage carousel at the airport.

Republicans want Obama to fire Attorney General Eric Holder after he seemed to contradict himself under oath. When asked if he’s worried, Holder said, "Yes. I mean, no."

This Date In History: 1783; Joseph and Jacques Montgolfier gave the first successful balloon flight demonstration. 1884; Civil War hero General William T. Sherman refused the Republican nomination for president with the words, “I will not accept if nominated and will not serve if elected.”

1933; The United States went off the gold standard. 1947; Sen. George Marshall proposed a plan (Marshall Plan) to help Europe recover financially from the effects of World War II. 1967; The Arab-Israeli Six-Day War began. 1968; Sen. Robert F. Kennedy was shot by an assassin and died the next day.

1981; The Centers for Disease Control published the first report about the disease that would later become known as AIDS. 2002; Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped from her Salt Lake City home. 2004; Former president Ronald Reagan died.

Picture Of The Day: Mesa Verde National Park in Colorado, offers a spectacular look into the lives of the Ancestral Pueblo people who made it their home for over 700 years, from A.D. 600 to 1300. Today the park protects nearly 5,000 known archaeological sites, including 600 cliff dwellings. These sites are some of the most notable and best preserved in the United States.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I just received an email listing 5 ways to prevent divorce. "Don't get married" wasn't on there. Neither was "murder." Stupid list. 2) Sorry I misunderstood BYOB. What should I do with this buffalo? 3) Back in the day, I went to meet my daughter's kindergarten teacher. Her name was Miss Cox. I'm not sure I was mature enough for the situation. 4) If you ask me where your glasses are and they're on your head, I will help you look for them forever. 5) The girl at the table next to me is having a salad. Not as a starter, but as a main course like some kind of rabbit.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 5th: Today might see a need for you to call attention to yourself and we recommend faxing semi-nude pictures of yourself to random ex-girlfriends. You may want edit your face out of the picture in case they have boyfriends or husbands. For good luck today, I'm just going to throw the number 7 at you. SEVEN. Use it as you see fit.

Birthdays: Thomas Chippendale, cabinetmaker 1718, John Maynard Keynes, economist 1883, Francisco (Pancho) Villa, Mexican revolutionary 1877, Ruth Benedict, anthropologist 1887, Federico GarcĂ­a Lorca, poet and dramatist 1898, Tony Richardson, director 1928, Bill Moyers, journalist, public official 1934, Margaret Drabble, novelist 1939.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Hunter was five years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked, "Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?"

His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth and said, "Well, Hunter, it's called sexual intercourse." Little Hunter said, "Oh, okay," and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later, Hunter came back in and said, "Grandpa, it isn't called sexual intercourse, it's called bunk beds and Tommy’s mom wants to talk to you."

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General. As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I have seen in America." The General said, "Well, anything I can do to help?"

The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called 'Star Trek' and in it there is...Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is black and Sulu who is Japanese, but there are no Muslims."

The ambassador continued, "My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis on 'Star Trek'."

The General leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador and whispered in his ear, "That's because it takes place in the future....."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pals Joann and  Julie for their contributions to today's stories.

A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?" The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws."

The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich." The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?" The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith." The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?" The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith." The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.

Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"

Advisory: The Montana State Dept of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears this summer.

They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly.

They also advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear. People should be able to recognize the presence of bears in an area by their droppings.

Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berry residue and possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings also have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.

That's it for today, my little peanut clusters. Remember, one of the worst things about texting while driving is that all of the people seem to appear out of nowhere on the sidewalk. I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour. I won't text on the way over there.....

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


journally yours, gem said...

Hi Jimmy,
I like what you said about Jodi arias and van der sloot getting together. not a bad idea. :)

jack69 said...

Oh yeah, I remember listening three times a week to the Lone Ranger. I would come in from delivering papers and dive on the floor, turn on the radio and wait ages for the time it took to warm dem tubes. My box radio was always on the floor so me and my dog could listen.LOL
Now, one of your best ideas yet, IRS to Gitmo!

I think I am in agreement with the Rabbi, and BTW I love that grinning Ghost of Nixon who has found birds of a feather…
Be Happy at the hour.