Wednesday, June 19, 2013
James Gandolfini Dies In Italy
James Gandolfini, who famously played Tony Soprano on "The Sopranos" died earlier today in Italy. Gandolfini is believed to have suffered a heart attack. He was 51. Gandolfini was in Italy to attend the 59th Taormina Film Festival in Sicily -- and he was scheduled to participate in a festival event this weekend with Italian director Gabriele Muccino.
The News As I See It: Kim Kardashian gave birth to a baby girl. Kim was in labor for six hours, thus marking the first time the words Kardashian and labor have ever been used together in the same sentence. The doctor said when he slapped Kim's baby, he regretted that he couldn't slap the entire family.
Ralph Nader said there has never been a bigger con man in the White House than Barack Obama. Can you believe that? Ralph Nader is still alive!
Nestlé has launched a new premium water called "Resource." They say it is made specifically for a woman who is a little on the trendy side and the higher income side. "Resource" sounds so much better than tap water for women who are really rich and stupid.
Have you seen the ads for Endure, a cool towel? They show people sitting in the sun with the thing around their neck, rubbing their faces in it. In each ad they say the towel uses a proprietary fabric technology that activates when wet to cool a person off. So in other words, it's a towel! All towels do that.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is the guy who made "Death to America" a popular slogan. Now his successor, a moderate guy named Rohani, doesn't believe in death to America. He believes in lingering illness to America. Rohani guy has promised that he will boldly lead Iran into the 14th century.
This week marks the 42nd anniversary of the war on drugs. Our partners in Mexico observed it with a moment of silence followed by hours of laughter.
Edward Snowden is the guy who leaked all of the NSA secrets. He had a 98-minute press conference today and yet they can't find the guy. This is the biggest manhunt since Martha Stewart started online dating.
This Date In History: 1862; Congress abolished slavery in the U.S. territories. 1865; Gen. Gordon Granger informed the citizens of Galveston, Texas, that the slaves were freed. The celebration of the day became known as Juneteenth.
1867; The first running of the Belmont Stakes. 1934; The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) was created. 1964 The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was approved. 1977; Pope Paul VI proclaimed John Neumann, the first male saint from the United States.
1987; The Supreme Court struck down a Louisiana law requiring any public school teaching the theory of evolution to teach creationism as well. 2002; Afghanistan president Hamid Karzai was sworn in.
Picture Of The Day: Beautiful !
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My girlfriend takes 13 bikinis for a 4-day beach trip. Meanwhile, I'm rocking the swimming trunks I bought at K-Mart in 1999. 2) Reintarnation is defined as coming back to life as a southerner. 3) One of the most romantic things one rose can do for another rose is leave a trail of human body parts from the front door to the bedroom. 4) What doesn't kill you, forces me to reload. 5) The government says 50 terror plots have been thwarted since NSA surveillance. What a perfectly even, unsuspicious number.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 19th: Life can be as romantic as you wish to make it. Like the old saying goes, a man with three fish has enough in his heart to help him build a picnic chair. Testing times lay ahead for you if you expect your love life to be without its ups and downs. Your body is a temple. Congratulations on the expanding congregation!
Birthdays: My friends Izza and Ryan - Happy Birthday ! 19XX, Blaise Pascal, scientist and religious philosopher 1623, Guy Lombardo, band leader 1902, Lou Gehrig, American baseball player 1903, Daw Aung San Suu Kyi, human rights activist 1945, Kathleen Turner actress 1954.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the old man said, "Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!"
A psychiatrist is addressing a group of people who have all had experiences with the supernatural. He asks, "Who here has seen a ghost?" Everyone puts up their hands. He then asks, "Who here has spoken with a ghost?" Half the audience puts up their hands. He says, "Who here has touched a ghost?" Ten percent of the crowd puts up their hands.
The psychiatrist then asks, "And who here has made love with a ghost?" One little man in the back row puts up his hand. The psychiatrist looks down from the podium at the little man and says, "Do you mean to tell me that you have made love with a ghost?" The man replies, "Oh No! I'm sorry. I didn't hear you correctly. I thought you said 'goat'."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. His wife asks, "What do you think you're doing?" The husband says, "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans." His wife says, "Put them back, we can't afford them." So they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. The husband asks, "What do you think you're doing?" His wife says, "It's my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you when we're making love." Her husband retorts, "So does 24 cans of Budweiser....at half the price."
A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother goes to visit. When she knocks on the door, she is shocked to see her daughter open it naked. She asks, "What are you doing?" The daughter replies, "Mom, it's my love dress!! Don't you like it?" Her Mom replies, "I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over."
When she goes back, she is shocked when once again her daughter is naked. "Now what are you doing?" "Mom, it's my love dress. It keeps the marriage spicy!"
Later that night the mom decides to try it for herself. When her husband comes home, he gives the same reaction, "Honey, what are you doing?" She give him the same answer her daughter gave her, "It's my love dress! What do you think of it?" Her husband thinks long and hard and says, "I think you should have ironed it!"
That's it for today, my little chicklets. Remember, never, ever ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised. I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour.
More on Friday.
Stay Tuned !