Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Anthony Weiner - The Epitome Of Arrogance

Former congressman and current New York City Mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner has had even more photographs released about his sexting scandal. Weiner posed as a man named "Carlos Danger" while sending pornographic photos of himself through the Internet — after he resigned from Congress for doing just that. New Yorkers were so shocked that Eliot Spitzer fell off his hooker.

Weiner responded to new sexting allegations on Tuesday following claims from nightlife website "The Dirty" that the former congressman had engaged in sex chats with a 22-year-old woman in 2012." The Dirty" has released what they claim is an exclusive photo of Weiner's, ahem, goods.

Weiner, the repulsive, uncontrolled, power-hungry publicity hound has humiliated himself and his wife by continue his recent actions, knowing there was material out there even worse than the stuff that got him ousted from Congress.

Just for the record, Eliot Spitzer says he has not paid for prostitutes since he resigned as New York governor in 2008. Way to go client number nine.....

The News As I See It: NASA released pictures of earth taken from 900 miles away. From 900 miles away, you can make out the Great Wall of China. In Newark, you can make out New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.

In England, the royal baby has been named George Alexander Louis and has left the hospital. He will now go to one of the royal estates, where he will rest comfortably — for the next 80 years. This royal baby is third in line for the throne, to which Prince Charles said, "It's a really slow-moving line."

The royal baby was officially welcomed with a 62-gun salute. Because if there's one thing babies love, it's the sound of repeated artillery fire. Experts are predicting that the royal baby could pump $380 million into the British economy. So the question is: How do we get this kid to move to Detroit?

Obama has issued a statement about the royal baby. He told him to hang on to the birth certificate. Those things come in handy.

Detroit has become the largest city in U.S. history to file for bankruptcy. What happened was Detroit's population dropped something like 70 percent, but the government got bigger. The tax base got smaller, but the government got bigger. Thank God that kind of thing could never happen in Washington.

This Date In History: 1847; Brigham Young and the first members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) arrived at the Great Salt Lake. 1862; Martin Van Buren, the eighth president of the United States, died in Kinderhook, New York.

1866; Tennessee became the first Confederate state to be readmitted to the Union. 1937; Charges against five black men accused of raping two white women in the Scottsboro case were dropped.

1974; The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that President Richard Nixon had to turn over White House tapes to the Watergate special prosecutor.

2002; Nine coal miners were trapped in a mine in Pennsylvania. All were rescued three days later. 2005; Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France for a record-breaking seventh time.

Picture Of The Day: The Aescher Hotel in Appenzellerland, Switzerland.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My girlfriend said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks. 2) Yesterday I fell, landed on my back and could not roll over and get up. I think it was because I was wearing a turtleneck sweater. 3) My uncle was a world-famous chainsaw juggler....for one show. 4) Waitress: How do I like your eggs? Me: Scrambled, how about you? Waitress: Unfertilized, thanks. 5) I don't mind your bad kids running around if you don't mind me tripping them.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Leo - July 24th: Old wives tales aren't recollections of sexual conquests. If you never liked sprouts before, try them again. Your tastes may have changed.

Birthdays: My pals Jude and Tammy - Happy Birthday ladies! 19XX, Simon Bolivar, liberator 1783, Alexandre Dumas, novelist 1802, Amelia Earhart, American aviator 1897, Bella Abzug, Congresswoman 1920, Jennifer Lopez, actress 1969.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An older man's daughter asked why he didn't do something useful with his time. She suggested he go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys. The old man did this and when he got home, he told her that he had joined a parachute club.

She said, "Are you nuts? You're almost 70 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" He proudly showed her that he even got a membership card. She said to him,"Dad, where are your glasses? This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"

The old man said, "Well, I'm in trouble now! I signed up for five jumps a week!

Two psychiatrists were attending their first seminar on emotional extremes. The leader said, "Just to establish some parameters, Mr. Nichols, what is the opposite of joy?" The student said, "Sadness."

The leader continued, "And the opposite of depression, Ms. Biggs?" Mr. Biggs said, "Elation."

The leader turned to Bubba and said, "And you sir, how about the opposite of woe?" Bubba replied, "I believe that would be giddyup."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck."

The husband continued, "If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

His wife responded, "He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before the service started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives and their families.

Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared in front of the congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked "Aren't you afraid of me?" The man answered, "Nope, sure ain't."

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "I been married to your sister for 48 years."

That's it for today, my little puppies. Remember, when you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


Heli gunner Tom said...

Great Jokes --Great Music !
---Tommy Schuckman--Iron Mtn., MI

Paula said...

Way to go Bubba!

Rose said...

Getting so sick of listening to the News on TV. What a bunch of crap and what isn't crap is violence............Ugh.

I'm glad you can make me chuckle thru it all.

jack69 said...

Read it and had a good time, then I saw the "YOU AREN'T MY REAL MOM" and cracked up.

Imma thinking I don't want to be the first turtle.
You are right on about the Wiener! What an idiot.

Smiles from Iowa!