Wednesday, December 17, 2014


The imaginary comment read, "How dare you incinerate that I don't know any big words?" I read somewhere that 52 percent of all the illiterate and uninformed live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 48 percent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.

I find it amusing that many people are aware of the names of sports figures and movie stars, yet are unable to name ten states and their capitols. Moreover, most of these people would fail an eight grade English exam.

Uninformed New Yorkers are fuming over recent actions and revelations of newly-elected Mayor Bill de Blasio, yet low voter turnout was the main reason for his election. If it had been pointed out by the liberal controlled media that he was involved in the Socialist movement, maybe he'd still be working at McDonalds or whatever mediocre position he previously held.

It is necessary to ascertain information on the candidates before they are elected. This returns me to my point that education is as important as the "skinny" on celebrities and who plays quarterback for which team.

The News As I See It: The co-chair of Sony Entertainment broke her silence about the recent hacking scandal to apologize for some offensive emails she sent about Obama. In response, Obama said, "Don't worry. I secretly read those emails months ago."

The celebration of Hanukkah has begun. It's that special tradition where people find out their friend is Jewish and think back on the number of times they've asked them what they were doing for Christmas.

Russia has named Vladimir Putin its man of the year for the 15th year in a row. Putin got 143 million votes and the guy he was up against got killed in a mysterious boating accident. The boat was in a warehouse.

The world's largest travel guide publisher has declared Queens, New York, the best place in the U.S. to visit next year. If you don't believe it, don't worry. neither does anyone who lives in Queens.

New York City Socialist and Mayor Bill de Blasio recently installed a fence around Gracie Mansion for privacy and security concerns. De Blasio wants to make sure the wrong person doesn't get into the mayor's mansion — while New Yorkers said, "Too late."

In London, magic mushrooms were discovered growing at Buckingham Palace in Queen Elizabeth's garden. You know, I was wondering why she knighted Jerry Garcia. That's probably why she changes the guards every hour.....paranoia.

The Haitian prime minister announced his resignation after several days of protests. Said the prime minister, "Haitians gonna hate."

This Date In History: 1777; France recognized American independence. 1903; Orville and Wilbur Wright made the first flight in a heavier-than-air plane at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina.

1944; The U.S. Army announced the end of its policy of holding Japanese-Americans in internment camps, allowing "evacuees" to return home.

1969; The U.S. Air Force ended its "Project Blue Book" and concluded that there was no evidence of extraterrestrial activity behind UFO sightings. 1992; North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) signed by U.S., Canada, and Mexico.

Picture Of The Day: New York City mayor Bill de Blasio and family.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The best thing about telepathy is.....I know, right? 2) I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone. 3) The best nicknames are usually the ones people don't know they have. 4) The Red Cross knocked at my door asking if I could help towards the floods in Pakistan and Yemen. I said I would love to, but my hose only reaches the bottom of the driveway. 5) My friend's mother-in-law is coming to stay with him for a week. He spent the day clearing out half of his closet so she would have a place to hang upside down and sleep.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeSagittarius - December 17th: Chew the cud with some friends today. Their inane chatter may amuse you. The randomness of the universe may affect you today as you search for meaning in a cornflake that looks a lot like your ex-mother-in-law.

Birthdays: Sir Humphry Dav chemist, physicist 1778, W.L. Mackenzie King, political leader 1874, Arthur Fiedler, conductor 1894, Sylvia Ashton-Warner, novelist and educator 1905, William L. Safire, journalist 1929, Milla Jovovic model, actress and singer 1975.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A guy was invited to an old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The guy was impressed since he knew the couple had been married almost 70 years.

While the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names." His buddy replied, "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."

A minister was seated on a plane bound from Hong Kong to the US with a stopover in Honolulu . After the stopover a crusty old Chief Petty Officer boarded and as fate would have it he was seated next to the minister.

After the plane was airborne to continue on it’s journey, drink orders were taken. The Flight Attendant asked the CPO if he wanted a drink? The CPO asked for rum and coke, which was prepared and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The ole Chief then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A Republican was campaigning across the South and his travels took him to a rural area in the Smokey Mountains which was not known to be Republican. He stopped by a farm to do some campaigning and when the farmer learned that he was a Republican, his jaw dropped and he said, "Wait right here 'til I go get Ma. She's never seen a Republican before."

While waiting on the farmer to return, the candidate looked around to find a podium to make his speech. The only thing he could find was a large pile of manure. The farmer returned with his wife and the candidate climbed up on the mound and made his speech.

When he finished, the farmer said, "You know, that's the first time I ever heard a Republican make a speech." The candidate replied, "Well, that's the first time I ever made a Republican speech from a Democratic platform."

The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

The agent said, "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them." The rancher said, "Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board."

The rancher continued, "Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90 percent of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

The agent said, "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one. The rancher said, "That would be me."

That's it for today, my little missile toes. Remember, one of the advantages of being a man is that chocolate doesn't control you. Disadvantage: Sex does. Relevance: Chocolate is easier to get. I'll be in AREA 51 for happy hour and chocolate.

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

Good read.I always enjoy the printables, and news.
Also glad to know I am a missletoe! neat.
If it is not too late, have a good day.
I am tired, Worked on two bathrooms today for son Mark. One compelted and ready to grout the tile and my arm is SORE!