Monday, December 29, 2014

Looking Forward To The New Year

Monday has been rough. It's that rare time of year that the holidays fall midweek, so socially, it's like non-stop celebrations for two weeks. Today, I'm fighting off a chest cold that has kept me napping most of the day, hence the lateness of today's post.

Wednesday is New Year's Eve, New Year's day brings non-stop football games and this particular weekend, my friend Luly is celebrating her birthday.

Yes. I love New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot, unless, of course, those tests come back positive. Age may be creeping in and spoiling my New Year's resolutions though. It's getting to be that a New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

My first priority, however, is to evict the troll who is attempting to set up residence in my chest or I may find myself living vicariously through other peoples New Year's Eve pictures on Facebook.

The News As I See It: The Russian economy is tanking. It's gotten so bad that today Vladimir Putin had to pawn his stolen Super Bowl ring.

Economists believe there are three reasons why the Russian economy is doing so poorly. One, economic sanctions are working. Number two, low-price oil and number three, Lindsay Lohan has quit drinking vodka.

This Date In History: 1170; Thomas Becket, Archbishop of Canterbury, was murdered by four knights acting under the orders of Henry II. 1845; Texas became the 28th state in the United States. 1851; The first Young Men's Christian Association (YMCA) opened in Boston.

1890; The last major battle of the Indian Wars, at Wounded Knee Creek, took place with hundreds of Indian men, women, and children massacred. 1937; The Constitution of Ireland, changing the Irish Free State into Eire, went into effect.

1940; During World War II, Germany began dropping incendiary bombs on London. 1989; Vaclav Havel was elected president of Czechoslovakia. 1996; A peace agreement was signed, ending 36 years of conflict in Guatemala.

Picture Of The Day: I'm hoping that I can beat this chest cold and join in on Wednesday nights revelries...... 

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. 2) In the South, we don't hide crazy. We parade it around on the front porch and give it sweet tea. 3) Foreign Aid is the transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. 4) As much as I can't stand Obama, do you realize that we are just one heart beat away from President Biden? 5) Three out of four voices in my head want to sleep. The other voice wants to know if penguins have knees.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeCapricorn - December29th: A romantic excursion to an luxury hotel and casino may be just the thing to spark up your love life this weekend. Cover the bed in rose petals, place some chocolates on your loved-one's pillow and bring some beautiful flowers. Teepees are a saucy place to hide out and make love but it's really not the same ambiance and the room service is not as good. If you insist on gambling at the roulette table, play $5 on number 38.

Birthdays: Charles Goodyear, invented vulcanized rubber 1800, Andrew Johnson, 17th President of the United States 1808, William Gladstone, statesman 1809, Pablo Casals, virtuoso cellist 1876, William "Billy" Mitchell, aviator, soldier 1879, Vera Brittain, novelist, poet 1893, Mary Tyler Moore, actress 1936, Jon Voight, actor, director, writer 1938, Patricia Clarkson, actor 1959, Jude Law, actor 1972.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. When he opens the door, he encounters two sheriff's deputies, one of whom asks if he is married and, if so, whether the deputy can see a picture of the wife. The guy says "sure" and shows him a picture of his wife.

The deputy looks carefully at the picture and then gravely says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck." The guy says, "I know, but she has a great personality, is an excellent cook and lets me play golf whenever I want to!"

A country boy came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!"

The fireman replied, "Okay! How do we get there?" The country boy says, "Don’t you guys still have those big red trucks?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: An Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face and asks, "Mother, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm"? His mother replied, "Because he was conceived during a great storm."

Then the boy asked "Why is my sister named Cornflower?" His mother answered, "Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her."

He then asked "And why is my other sister called Moonchild"? His mother said, "We were watching the moon-landing when she was conceived."

The mother paused and said to her son, "Tell me, Two Dogs Humping, why do you ask?"

A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door.

On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments. He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister.

He said to the minister, "Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind."

The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach 'Thou shall not steal,' that changed your heart?" The man responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat."

That's it for today, my little pine cones. Remember, he who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Hope you get to feeling better. I would say you are gonna save money, but the drinks you miss will be spent for Nyquil or somethijg stupid.
Everyone has a new years story. I think of this every year. Once in GITMO at the chief's club (when I used to drink a little) I was in line for a drink. I tapped the guy in front of me and when he turned around he wasn't who I thought. I said I'm sorry, I though you were someone else. He looked blank, (he wasn't driving home I know) and he said, "I might be."
I guess you had to be there, don't seem as funny when you write it.
Nite, get to feeling better. BAr tenders are depending on you.

Heli gunner Tom said...

Hi Jimmy, Hope you get well soon. I lost my voice, bad throat, yesterday, but getting better today. Happy New Year, and good health to you, sir ! I enjoyed your rendition of: "Yesterday !"
---Tommy Schuckman, Iron Mtn.MI. ...brrrrrr !

Paula said...

Feel better and happy new year.