Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Samantha's Afraid Of Thunderstorms
My cat Samantha is a hussy, doling out affection as she sees fit except when she's hungry or during a thunderstorm. Drizzling rain is calming to her, but at the first crack of lightning, suddenly I'm her best friend. If the lightning gets worse, Sam is under the bed and it's every man for himself.
South Florida is known for its five minute weather changes, but this week, thunderstorms have been persistent. I'm not really bothered by thunderstorms unless it takes out the electricity. Usually, there's a brief flash followed by the thunder report, the time differential dependent upon how far away the lightning struck.
Then, of course, there's that one that is too close for comfort and the flash and thunder occur simultaneously. Those are the ones that send both Samantha and I to the bedroom.
Most of my pets over the years were not happy campers when thunderstorms occurred. From what I've gathered from friends on Facebook this week, their pets are suffering from the same malady. Samantha and I wish everyone a sunny remainder of the week.
The News As I See It: Republicans in Congress are getting concerned that Obama will try to use the final year of his term to push through too many controversial laws. Obama would have responded but he was busy drafting his new "mandatory Mexican gay weed" bill.
In a South Carolina speech, Donald Trump responded to criticisms from Senator Lindsey Graham by giving out Graham's personal cellphone number. Graham knew something was up when he saw he had more than one missed call.
The dating website AshleyMadison.com, which is a site where married people go to find someone to have an affair with, was hacked yesterday and now the hackers are threatening to release information about its users. This is one way to cut down on the number of people running for president.
A couple who got married in Illinois has the last names Burger and King. It makes sense because in a few years most of their conversations will end with "Fine, have it your way!"
Rachel Dolezal gave an interview to Vanity Fair where she continued to claim she is black. Even though the whitest thing you can do is give an interview to Vanity Fair.
The U.S. won the International Math Olympiad. If you don’t think Americans can compete with Asia in math, maybe you should talk to some of the members of the American team, like Shyam Narayanan, Yang Liu, Allen Liu and their coach, Po-Shen Loh.
This Date In History: 1796; Cleveland, Ohio, was founded by Gen. Moses Cleaveland. 1933; Wiley Post became the first person to fly solo around the world. 1934; John Dillinger was shot to death outside Chicago's Biograph Theater.
1937; Franklin D. Roosevelt's "court packing" scheme was rejected by the U.S. Senate. 1975; Congress restored Confederate general Robert E. Lee's U.S. citizenship.
1990; Greg LeMond won his third Tour de France. A Minnesota native, Lemond was the first American to win the great French cycling race. 2003; Saddam Hussein's sons, Uday and Ousay, were killed in a firefight.
2013; Prince George of Cambridge is born. He is the first child of Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge.
Picture Of The Day: Keep an eye on your pets during thunderstorms. Most of them are afraid when they ocur.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My Uncle in Chicago was a staunch conservative and voted straight line Republican until the day he died. Now, he votes Democrat. 2) I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally. 3) I see nothing but continued growth and expansion for the foreseeable future...but enough about my diet. 4) Buy a birthday card with your morning bottle of wine and people will think it's a gift. 5) I sure will be happy when scientists discover a cure for Natural Causes.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Cancer - July 22nd: The evidence for love is staring you in the face but you can't see the forest for the trees. I think the best thing to do is to stop wandering into forests and stand toe-to-toe with the one that attracts you.
Birthdays: Emma Lazarus, poet and essayist 1849, Edward Hopper, artist 1882, Alexander Calder, sculptor 1898, Stephen Vincent Benét, author 1898, Amy Vanderbilt, journalist, author 1908, Oscar de la Renta, fashion designer 1932.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Mendel Rosenblatt was very old and suffering from a rare disease and could drink only human milk. Mendel asked the doctor, "How can I get human milk?" The doctor said, "Well, Ethel Goldstein just had a baby, maybe she'll help."
So every day Mendel went to Ethel's house for his daily feed. Ethel was a dark-eyed, big breasted lady, who, in spite of herself, gradually became aroused as Mendel lapped at her ripe breasts.
One day as he quietly lay suckling, she whispered to him, "Tell me Mr. Rosenblatt, do you like it?" Mendel sighed, "Mmmm, wonderful." Ethel, her lips parted and eyes aglow, said hesitantly, "Is there anything else you'd like?"
Mendel replied, "As a matter of fact there is." Ruby asked breathlessly, "What?" Mendel licked his lips and said, "Maybe a biscuit?"
A grouchy old woman awakened after a serious operation only to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn. She asked the doctor, "Why are all the damned blinds closed?"
The doctor responded, "They're fighting a huge fire across the street and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The party was really rocking when the host asked a very attractive blonde if she would like another drink.
The sexy blonde bowed her head slightly and said, "No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink." With that, the host asked, "Why is that?"
The blonde coyly replied, "Because after one drink I can feel it and after two drinks, anyone can!"
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft boiled eggs and toast for breakfast. She was wearing only the t-shirt that she slept in. As I walked in, half awake, she turned to me and said, softly, "Make love to me this very moment."
My eyes lit up as I thought, "I must be dreaming or this is my lucky day." I embraced her and took her right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards, she smiled and said, "Thanks" and returned to the stove, her t-shirt still around her neck.
Content, yet curious, I asked her what that was all about. With a loving smile, she said, "The egg timer is broken."
That's it for today, my little penguins. Remember, if you're planning to teach your children the value of a dollar, you better hurry up. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
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More on Friday.
Stay Tuned !