Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Very Punny !

Most puns are usually groaners but there are some that the authors have invested time and thought. You see, time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Today's pics are your challenge. Can you guess the titles?

Some of the pictures are relatively easy to figure out but one is going to be a bit tougher. To give you an idea of what I mean, the featured picture is entitled "Pumpkin Pi" (pie).

A pun is a play on words and there are quite a few good ones that I have encountered over time. We'll start with an easy one.....

The News As I See It: The firefighters' union announced that it was no longer supporting Hillary for president. You know your campaign's in trouble when firefighters are like, "Even we can't put out that many fires."

Hillary Clinton said this weekend that the record turnout for Bernie Sanders’ rallies is great for the Democratic Party. It wasn't easy for her to say that, because at the time, she was biting a cinder block in half.

For the first time this primary season, a national poll has placed Dr. Ben Carson as the Republican front-runner. Carson was so excited about the news, his eyes almost opened.

This Date In History: 1765; The Stamp Act Congress convened in New York to draw up colonial grievances against England. 1849; Poet-writer Edgar Allan Poe died at age 40. 1949; The Republic of East Germany was formed.

1968; The Motion Picture Association of America adopted its film-rating system, ranging from "G" for general audiences to "X" for adults only. 1985; The Italian cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked by Palestinian gunmen in the Mediterranean.

1998; Matthew Shepard, a gay student at the University of Wyoming, was beaten, robbed and left tied to a fence. He died five days later. 2001; U.S. and British forces launched bombing campaign against Taliban government and al-Qaeda terrorist camps in Afghanistan.

2003; California governor Gray Davis was recalled and former bodybuilder and actor Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected in his place.

Picture Of The Day: This one is not a pun, but I found it amusing. My friend Georgina posted in with the caption: "Be vewy, vewy quiet. I am hunting wabbits."

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When vegans go missing, do they put pictures of them on soy milk cartons? 2) I want a cure for short-term memory loss! When do I want it? When do I want what? 3) It takes 42 muscles to frown and only 1 to extend your middle finger and say bite me. 4) I roasted a duck last night, but I don't think he got all the jokes. 5) I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to a woman and not being able to remember her name, how I met her or why she's handcuffed to me.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Libra - October 7th: Temptation is everywhere, especially if you're willing to look everywhere for it. However, you will discover that temptation itself is not as harmful as running the streets naked shouting, "It's not my fault." Chance of romance is....ah, forget it. Not much of a chance if you're running around naked.

Birthdays: James Whitcomb Riley, poet 1849, Niels Bohr, atomic physicist 1885, Desmond Tutu, South African religious leader 1931, Vladimir Putin, political figure 1952, Yo-Yo Ma, cellist 1955, Sherman Alexie, writer 1966, Rachel McAdams, actor 1976.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench. Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've been reading this 'Sex and Marriage' book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm'. Mutual orgasm here and mutual orgasm there. That's all they talk about."

Ethel said, "Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?" Mabel thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her head and said, "No, I think we had State Farm."

A man goes to visit a fortune teller. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic said, "You complain about your wife's constant nagging and yelling, yet you still remain married. There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your wife will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, the man stares at the fortune teller's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. He took a few deep breaths to compose himself. He simply had to know. He met the fortune-teller's gaze, steadied his voice, and asked, "Will I be found guilty?"

This one is a bit tougher

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, '"Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?" The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws."

The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion, I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich." The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?" The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?" The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith." The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent.

The rabbi pondered over the conversation for about five minutes. Finally, the rabbi leaned over to the priest and said, "Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"

The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind.

A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed that the Pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind.

The next day, after his sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.

The next day a gay rights group approached the Pope. They said that they noticed he blessed Mankind and Womankind, and asked if he could also bless gay people. He said, "Sure."

The next day the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti"

That's it for today, my little niblets. Remember, some people's gene pool may have been one of those above ground ones. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

WE stick with NY Life, we never did have Mutual of Orgasm. Must be a new THING!
Thank for the laugh, but I could not get the Money loving Morley on a Lizard high??? Smile (probably old age, Sherry said)
Good entry! fun read.. Specially whats her name biting a block...