Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Goldman Sacks, Plunders And Loots - Huh?

Goldman Sachs employees are getting their asses reamed by Congress and from what I've seen on the news, the situation seems to be getting a little shitty.The Senate is holding hearings on what role Goldman Sachs played in the mortgage meltdown of 2008. They allegedly sold bad mortgages to their clients and then bet against them to make profits for themselves. The top executive from Goldman Sachs testified before Congress yesterday, which proves that crooks always return to the scene of the crime.

If you are of the Muslim religion, you don't have to give all the new Obamacare healthcare reform regulations and penalties another thought. Because the concept of being compelled to participate in such a healthcare program offends Islamic sensibilities, Muslims are specifically exempt.

As a matter of fact if you are Amish, American Indian or a Christian Scientist you do not need to participate or pay the taxes associated with healthcare reform. That means not having to be forced to buy healthcare insurance, not paying the taxes or the penalties if you don't get it. Here is what the regulations say:

EXEMPTIONS FROM INDIVIDUAL RESPONSIBILITY REQUIREMENTS: In the case of an individual who is seeking an exemption certificate under section 1311(d)(4)(H) from any requirement or penalty imposed by section 5000A, the following information: In the case of an individual seeking exemption based on the individual’s status as a member of an exempt religious sect or division, as a member of a health care sharing ministry, as an Indian,or as an individual eligible for a hardship exemption, such information as the Secretary shall prescribe. Senate Bill, H.R. 3590, pages 273-274.

There are several reasons why an individual could claim exemption. Being a member of a religion that does not believe in insurance is one of them. Islam is one of those religions. Muslims believe that health insurance is “haraam”, or forbidden; because they liken the ambiguity and probability of insurance to gambling. This belief excludes them from any of the requirements, mandates, or penalties set forth in the bill

There you have it my little papooses. With this information, I guarantee that all Americans will love and embrace Obamacare. If this is not true, then my name isn't Chief Ahmed Bin Screaming Eagle.

The News As I See It: Arizona has recently passed the toughest immigration law in history. The idea behind it is to drive illegal immigrants out of Arizona and back to their homeland of Los Angeles. Arizona Governor Jan Brewer signed the nation's toughest anti-immigration bill into law. It makes it a crime as a state law to be in the country illegally. This means that rich people in Arizona may have to start raising their own children now.

During the economic meltdown, employees at the SEC were using government computers to watch pornography. Ironically, while they were watching porn, the other employees were watching Goldman Sachs screw the entire country. One SEC employee spent up to eight hours a day looking at porn. The worst part is, he billed them for 10 hours.

President Obozo gave a speech about his plans to reform Wall Street. In an embarrassing moment, the head of Goldman Sachs was going through security and had to empty his pockets — and five senators fell out. Obozo is now considering approving the development of a hypersonic missile that can deliver its payload anywhere in the world within an hour. It was a joint venture between the U.S. military and Domino’s Pizza.

George Dubya Bush’s memoir is coming out on Nov. 9. On the cover, Bush is wearing a dark suit and holding a briefing book with his head turned slightly from the camera, or as Bush calls it, "posing all serious-like." The publisher says that in the book, Bush writes honestly and directly about his flaws and mistakes. This is going to be a long book.

This Date In History: 1788; Maryland became the 7th state in the United States. 1789 Fletcher Christian led the mutiny aboard the British ship Bounty against Captain William Bligh.1945; Benito Mussolini was executed. 1947; Thor Heyerdahl and five others began their Pacific Ocean crossing on the raft, Kon-Tiki.

1967; Boxing champion Muhammad Ali refused to be inducted into the Army. 1992; The U.S. Dept. of Agriculture unveiled its first "food pyramid." 2001; Dennis Tito became the first space tourist.

Picture Of The Day: Photoshop and political cartoon artists are having a field day with the Goldman Sachs scandal and I love it. It's great fodder for Jimmy's Journal. The exception, however, is the last picture of today's post. Although the young lady is very beautiful, I would find it difficult to ask her out on a date.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Serendipity is looking in a haystack for a needle and discovering the farmer's daughter. 2) Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. 3) Maybe, just once, someone will call me "sir" without adding, "your account's overdrawn." 4) Some people are like a Slinky, not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. 5) Pull up your pants and straighten your hat, you look like an asshole!.....and that's five !

Birthdays: James Monroe, American president 1758, born in Westmoreland County, VaMarie Joseph Chenier, poet and dramatist 1764, Lionel Barrymore, actor 1878, Harper Lee. author 1926, Saddam Hussein, asshole 1937, Jay Leno, talk-show host 1950 Penélope Cruz, actress 1974.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: On this morning a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow that is one ugly baby." The woman deeply hurt just continued on the bus and found a seat next to an old man. The old man asks, "What's wrong, you look mad?" She replied, "I am! That bus driver just insulted me."

The old man said, "You shouldn't take that from him." the man replied. "He's a public worker and should give you respect. If I was you I would take down his badge number and report him. The woman said, "You're right sir I think I will report him." The elderly man says, "You go on up there and get his badge number and I'll hold your monkey for you."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Linda Running Deer in Washington for her contribution to today's stories.

A man died in a horrible fire. The mortician thought it was George, but the body was so badly burned that somebody would need to make a positive identification. That task fell to George's two friends, Joe and Al. After taking a look, Joe said, "He's burnt pretty bad, all right. Roll him over." Joe looked at the dead man's ass and said, "Nope, that ain't George."

Thinking the incident strange, the mortician straightened up the body and said nothing. He brought in Al and showed him the body. Al said, "Wow, he's burnt to a crisp. Roll him over." Al said, "Nope, that ain't George." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" All answered, "George had two assholes." The mortician, "What? How could he have two assholes?" Al said, "Everybody knew George had two assholes. Whenever the three of us would go into town, you'd hear people say, "Here comes George with those two assholes!"

A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man isn’t sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading. A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?" The woman said, "I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition. Whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. He said, "I have never heard of that condition before. Are you taking anything for it?" The woman nodded, "Pepper!".

It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day, and at closing time they walked past the gorilla cage, and the man noticed the gorilla looking at his wife. The man said, "That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your tits. Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see what he does?" At first she declined. But finally persuaded by her husband, she took off her blouse and bra.

The gorilla went nuts. He started grunting and jumping up and down. The husband said, "Let's really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we'll see what he does." Again she said no and again he persuaded her. This time the ape really went bananas! He climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles and tossed his food all over the cage.

The husband went over to the cage, opened the door and pushed his wife in. The husband said with an evil smile, "Now, tell him you have a headache!"

That's it for today my little dixie cups. Remember, life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers. What you do tonight might burn your ass tomorrow! With that thought in mind, I'm going to AREA 51 for Happy Hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


Julie said...

Did you hear Obama is trying to get Peurto Rico declaired a state! The only way he can get re-elected is to get every crook and country he can signed on to vote for him..

garnett109 said...

Its been awhile, just stopping by to say hello!!!!

Rose said...

Boxing champion Muhammad Ali refused to be inducted into the Army!

Now, why don't I remember that??? I recall he did make a fuss about a lot of things when he was "The Campion" but for some reason the Army thing escapes my mind.......

jack69 said...

Okay, I am in trouble, I was eating pretzels. Dumb thing t do while reading your journal. I about lost it with the Pepper, And did loose it when the guy offered to hold her monkey!!!! I had to clean the monitor.
\Thanks for the real laugh!

Paula said...

Good ones as always.