Wednesday, April 21, 2010

It's Hump Day - Do You Know Where You Parked Your Car?

It's been a strange week. Weed Day was celebrated on April 20th and Earth Day is tomorrow. Those that celebrated yesterday should be coming back to Earth in time for tomorrow's celebration. California will celebrate the entire week with the hopes that they can legalize marijuana to pay their debts.

An initiative to legalize marijuana and allow it to be sold and taxed will appear on the November ballot in California. Considering that the voters in the state were so bright that they actually elected Arnold Schwarzenagger to be their governor, the thought of the initiative passing is a distinct possibility.

I imagine the next governor of California will be either Cheech Marin or Tommy Chong. Wow man! What's next....the White House? Then again, look who the bright voters of America elected as their president....I wonder if California passes the pot bill, will other states follow suit? Will our elected officials change drastically? What the hell, considering what we have in the Oval Office and Capital Hill, how much worse could it be?

The News As I See It: Airports in Europe are closed due to the Icelandic volcano, Eyjafjallajökull (pronounced "I'm a dinner jacket"...wait, that's the asshole from Iran...((never mind)), erupting. Smoke and ash is spreading all over Europe. Meteorologists originally thought it was coming from Willie Nelson’s tour bus. The German airline Lufthansa said it plans to resume some flights. Apparently there are so many Germans in France right now that the French government surrendered.

You can’t fly an airplane through an ash plume because the engines will be shut down faster than Mel Gibson at a bar mitzvah. The volcano is erupting underneath a glacier, meaning everything kicks up through a hole in the ice. Some scientists are calling it an "ice-hole," but other scientists are saying the problem is pre-existing ash, therefore it’s more of an "ash-hole."

President Obozo had to cancel his trip to Poland, and this morning he said he hopes the volcano will stop smoking soon. The volcano said the same thing about him.

Today's Thought: I do not forward the 50 million chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor six year old girl in Kentucky with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.

This Date In History: 1836; Texan army under Sam Houston defeated Mexicans in the Battle of San Jacinto. 1910; Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain), author of the novel Huckleberry Finn, died at the age of 74. 1918; Baron Manfred von Richthofen, the notorious World War I German flying ace known as the "Red Baron," was killed in action today.

1960; Brazil inaugurated its new capital, Brasilia. 1975; South Vietnamese President Nguyen Van Thieu resigned. 1980 Rosie Ruiz was the first woman to cross the finish line at the Boston Marathon. She was later disqualified for cheating. 1995; Timothy McVeigh was arrested in connection with the Oklahoma City bombing.

1997; The ashes of Timothy Leary, Gene Roddenberry, and 22 others blasted into space for the first space funerals.

Picture Of The Day: Some of the new changes that might come to pass if America legalizes marijuana. Hey, it could happen.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If thine enemy offend thee, give his child a drum. 2) Dyslexic postcard: The weather is here, wish you were beautiful. 3) A fate worse than death: to be married alive. 4) Don't hate yourself in the morning, sleep 'til noon. 5) The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.....and that's five !

Birthdays: Charlotte Brontë, novelist 1816, John Muir, naturalist 1838, Anthony Quinn, actor 1915, Queen Elizabeth II, English Monarch 1926, Tony Romo, football player 1980.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us."

The old man continued, "I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leaped toward me with a mighty 'ROARRR!'....I shit my pants." The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same." The old explorer said, "No, not back then - just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The

An Italian, a Frenchman and an Englishman were discussing their previous night's lovemaking. The Italian said, "I rubbed fine olive oil all over my wife, then we made wonderful love. She screamed for five minutes." The Frenchman said, "I rubbed sweet butter on my wife's body, then we made passionate love. She screamed for half an hour."

The Englishman said, "I covered my wife's body with lard. We made love and she screamed for six hours." The others asked, "Six hours? How did you make her scream for six hours?" The Englishman replied, "I wiped my hands on the drapes."

On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and walked from his bunk on the floor of the Alamo up to the observation post on the west wall. William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were up there already. The three gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving steadily towards them. Davy turned to Bowie with a puzzled look on his face and said, "Jim, are we landscaping today?"

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world." Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world." Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the most disgusting person in the world."

So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified. Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy, "It's official, I am the most beautiful girl in the world." Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially the smallest person in the world." Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says, "Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell ?"

Two old men, Murray and Hiram, are discussing the local gossip at the Shady Elm Retirement Home when eighty-year-old Sadie walks by. Sadie says. "Hiya Boys!" The old men nod in acknowledgement and Hiram whispers to Murray, "That Sadie's a fox but she has a foul mouth. The other night she used the "F" word." Murray said, "Sadie, that sweet old lady? When did she say that?" Hiram said, "Right after the old lady sitting next to her yelled, 'Bingo!'"

Freebies: Get a free sample of John Frida Root Awakening Shampoo. Click Here - Free shampoo

That's it for today my little sugar plums. Remember, It takes more muscles to frown than to make a quick left jab. Happy Hump Day! I'm going to AREA 51 for Happy Hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


Heli gunner Tom said...

Hey, I used to love Cheech and Chong, years ago, Jimmy! But now we old beat up Vets have slowed down a bit, and a cold Coors on the picnic table when grilling the meat seems better...
Take care.

Tom S

Rose said...

O.K. I hit the floor laughing with
"I wiped my hands on the drapes." Yep, that certainly would make me scream for six hours! LOL

Thanks Darling........I needed the laughs.

Hugs, Rose

Julie said...

Wonderful post and i loved all the photos. Strange new world indeed.

Paula said...

My s-i-l isn't happy about that ash/hole. It kept him from going on Safari. Great jokes as usual.

jack69 said...

As always a fun entry. As a certified 'Old Folk'I cannot stop laughing, thinking of the interview with the old explorer!
Love it all, Jimmy, you did good!

Ally Lifewithally said...

Thanks for the smiles Jimmy ~ Ally xx