Magic Monday (Odds and Ends)

It's Magic Monday, a phrase I use to describe those Mondays where I've been a bit under the weather combined with very little printable matter that strikes my fancy. On any other day, I'd refer to today's post as "Odds and Ends."

My first thought today was to remember to go to the grocery store for Reese's Peanut Butter chocolate eggs which are always on sale the week after Easter. I always have a stash of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups handy, but the chocolate Easter eggs are always cheaper.

In national news, Congress took their "spring break" and left important business hanging. Benefits for thousands of unemployed Americans are set to expire today after Senator Tom Coburn refused to vote last month for a unanimous-consent agreement to extend payments. Of course, Congress already passed their pay raise and it seems to me that they aren't too concerned about other Americans who are unemployed and rely on those benefits to exist. Keep that thought in mind in the November elections.

Tiger Woods gave his first "real" press conference today prior to the Masters Golf Tournament that begins on Thursday. The interview was quite antiseptic but reporters were able to ask a few interesting questions. The media line into the press room was described as "Disney World-like" despite Augusta limiting it to one entry per outlet which meant that Woods likely wouldn't be able to get in and out too quickly.

That was most certainly the case as the press asked questions for more than a half-hour, ranging from things that involved Tiger's family, his prescription drug use, his sponsors and his wife. Of course, there were one or two items that caused him to bristle. Tiger discussed how his treatment will be "ongoing" and when asked a follow-up as to why he was in treatment, came with a very short, "That's personal, thank you." Additionally, when asked about both Ambien and Vicodin, Tiger waltzed around the issue of addiction or abuse of either. We'll see what happens this week in the Masters Tourney.

Posuum S. Hemmingway managed to make an entry on Possum's Journal and posted some pictures of himself. Naturally, he put most of the blame on me for the pictures. I can tell you that he did primp for the pictures and made the selections himself. If you like to read Possum's recent post you can find the link to his journal on my sidebar.

The News As I See It: Unemployment in Florida has hit a record high of 12.2 percent. You want to know how bad it is down here? Today, the Coast Guard picked up 50 Cubans off the coast of Miami trying to swim back to Cuba.

It was a big weekend for Apple, because the iPad came out, although its thunder was stolen last week when Ricky Martin did the same thing.

President Obozo's new airport security plan states that anyone traveling to the U.S. will be stopped if they match the description of a potential terrorist. Weren’t we doing this already? Da Prez unveiled a new gas mileage program that he says is "like taking 58 million cars off the road for an entire year," or as Toyota calls it, "business as usual."

Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai met recently with da Prez, but Karzai was late for the meeting. He had transportation trouble. The accelerator on his camel stuck. This was an important meeting. Both presidents agreed that we have to work to wipe out terror networks. Get rid of terror networks, like Al Qaeda, the Taliban, Fox News.....

This Date In History: 1614; Pocahontas married John Rolfe. 1792; George Washington cast the first presidential veto. 1887; Anne Sullivan makes the breakthrough to Helen Keller by spelling "water" in the manual alphabet. 1951; Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were sentenced to death for giving away atomic secrets to the Russians.

1955; Winston Churchill resigned as prime minister of Britain. 1971; Canadian Fran Phipps became the first woman to reach the North Pole. 1999; Libya gave over two suspects in the Lockerbie, Scotland Pan Am bombing.

Picture Of The Day: Since Magic Monday (a disguised version of "Odds and Ends") is the theme, I'm posting pictures that made me laugh. Most of them are self explanatory, but these are the titles that I have indiscromantely assigned to each picture: 1) Magic Monday. 2) On The Way To Walmart. 3) One Of The Last Tree On Earth. 4) President Obozo opens the way for more oil drilling in America. 5) Joe Biden's Next Job. 6) Make your own comment, dear readers.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I like to dress elegantly but simply. If I wear a sports jacket, I try not to wear anything else on it ... like lunch or dinner. 2) Be nice to your kids. They'll be choosing your nursing home. 3) The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him. 4) Some days you're the pigeon; some days you're the statue. 5) The economy is getting so bad that when I ordered a burger at McDonalds, the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?".....and that's five !

Birthdays: Thomas Hobbes, philosopher 1588, Elihu Yale,merchant 1649, Joseph Lister, surgeon 1827, Spencer Tracy, actor 1900, Bette Davis, actress 1908, Gregory Peck, actor 1916, Colin Powell, general and government official 1937.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: An old man in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success. All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window.

Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything, she opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need a piece of tail."The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite!!!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Regina for her contribution to today's stories.

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. He said, "Do you know how they make these gloves?" She replied, "No, I don't." The dentist said," Well, there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."

The woman didn't crack a smile. The dentist thought, "Oh, well. I tried." About five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing. The dentist asked, "What's so funny?" She replied, "I was just envisioning how condoms are made!"

Little Johnny accidentally walked in on his mother while she was nude in the bathroom. He looked down, pointed and asked, "Mommy, what's that?" The startled mother, unprepared for such a question, replied, "That's called paradise." Satisfied with the answer, Johnny walked away.

The next day, Johnny happen to walk in on his father. Little Johnny said, "Daddy, Mommy calls hers "paradise', what's yours called?" Nervously, the father said, "It's called the 'key to paradise'." Little Johnny thought for a moment and said, "Daddy, I think you should change your 'key to paradise' because the next door neighbor has a copy."

A man was showing his new binoculars to his hunting buddy. His buddy said, "These are really great! I can see your house from here. In fact, I can see your next door neighbor. He's having sex with your wife." The man said, "That no good cheat! Shoot her in the head and shoot him in his private parts!" His buddy said, "You're in luck. I can get them both with one shot!"

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That's it for today my little dandy lions. Remember, karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf". More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !