Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty ~ John F. Kennedy
Dennis Hopper, the man whose memorable and erratic career included an early turn in "Rebel Without a Cause," an improbable smash with "Easy Rider" and a classic character role in "Blue Velvet," has died. Hopper, 74, died Saturday at his home in the Los Angeles beach community of Venice, surrounded by family and friends.
The News As I See It: A new poll found that 43 percent of Americans think President Obozo is doing a good job at handling the BP oil spill. Of course, the same poll found that 43 percent of Americans hate pelicans. At a press conference, Obozo said that the government does not have better technology than BP. That's a nice thing to announce to the world — that our government has fewer resources than a company that tried to plug a hole with a top hat.
The BP officials say that the "top kill" plan is working. The bad news is the BP officials are a bunch of lying weasels.
A new study shows that fathers can suffer a form of postpartum depression after their child is born — especially if they’re John Edwards.
Sarah Ferguson told "Inside Edition" she would love to appear on "Dancing With the Stars." She said, if the price is right, Prince Andrew can come along.
This Date In History: 1790; The first U.S. Copyright Law was enacted, protecting books, maps, and other original materials. 1889; Heavy rains caused the South Fork Dam to collapse, sending 20 million tons of water into Johnstown, Pa. Over 2,200 people were killed and the town was nearly destroyed.
1911 The hull of the Titanic was launched in Belfast. At the ceremony, a White Star Line employee claimed, "Not even God himself could sink this ship." 1961; South Africa became an independent republic. 1962; Former Gestapo official Adolf Eichmann was hanged in Israel.
1970; An earthquake in Peru left more than 50,000 dead. 2004; Alberta Martin, 97, one of the last widows of a U.S. Civil War veteran, died. She had married Confederate veteran William Martin in 1927 when she was 21 and he was 81.
Picture Of The Day: Memorial Day thoughts and best wishes to the American Armed Forces. Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, always let the dog in first. He'll shut up once you let him in. 2) Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. 3) Sometimes I go to my own little world, but that's okay, they know me there. 4) I was thinking about how people seem to be reading the Bible more as they get older. Then it dawned on me...they're cramming for their finals. 5) Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.....and that's five !
Birthdays: Walt Whitman, poet 1819, Norman Vincent Peale, clergyman 1898, Rainier III, prince of Monaco 1923, Clint Eastwood, actor, director, producer 1930, Joe Namath, American Football Player 1943, Brooke Shields, actress, model 1965.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: There was a papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Mama mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses." The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Three women, Shalika, Sha' Nay Nay and Sasquatcha, were walking through a zoo. They came across the gorillas and after a while they noticed that a huge male silverback gorilla kept staring at them. This fascinated the girls so much they couldn't take their eyes off of him. Sasquatcha was so enraptured that she leaned over the wall to take a picture. She slipped and fell into the enclosure.
The gorilla grabbed her, dragged her into a cave and screwed her for six hours non-stop. When he was done, the gorilla threw her back out of the cave. An ambulance was called and Sasquatcha was taken away to the hospital.
The next day, Shalika and Sha' Nay Nay visited her in the hospital and Shalika asked, "Are you hurt?" Sasquatcha cried, "Am I hurt? He hasn't called, he hasn't written..."
A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
The homeowner asks, "What are you going to do?" The gorilla remover says, "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his balls and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner. The homeowner says, "What's the shotgun for?" The gorilla remover replies, "If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the damn dog!" A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered that question!"
An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback. They end up getting married.
On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner. The woman asks, "What happened?" The Aussie replies, "I've never been with a woman, but if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get!"
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That's it for today my little gumdrops. Remember, married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die. More on Wednesday.
Stay Tuned !