Friday, December 30, 2011

Best Wishes For A Happy New Year To My Family And Friends

In the process of outlining my New Years Eve schedule, I've realized that I really don't have a destination. It really doesn't matter because my destinations always seem to change. Like the puppy who rolls over on his back and shows you his belly when you pet him, I'm easily swayed once the evening begins.

Ostensibly, I'll be heading to AREA 51 on New Years Eve, but I my ship has changed course many times in the past and there's no reason to assume it wont happen again.

Although it's been rare, there have been some party nights that I ended up flying to the Bahamas on a whim and as a young man, I woke up in a suite in Caesars Palace in Las Vegas. How I ended up in Vegas is still a little vague, but I was assured by my lady friend that I had a great time.

Of course, I was a little younger then and in those days, my body and mind worked as a team. Nowadays, my mind occasionally has a great idea but my body sometimes refuses to comply. When my mind sends a command to the "get up and go center", it finds many times that the department head has got up and went.

Be that as it may, it is highly suggested to those who rarely drink to pace yourselves, drink slowly and make sure you drink on a full stomach. New Years Eve drinking puts people on the road who rarely drink, so I recommend that everyone drive with care while dodging the amateurs.

My best wishes for a great, safe and prosperous New Year to all my family, friends and readers.

I was saddened to hear about the recent passing of Cheetah, the lovable chimp who starred with Tarzan (Johnny Weissmuller) and Jane (Maureen O'Sullivan) in the Tarzan movies. I grew up watching Tarzan, Jane and Cheetah as a boy and they have a special place in my heart. Cheetah was 80 years old, a long life for a chimp. Rest in peace my little pal.

The News As I See It: Why would anyone who doesn’t drink want to go out on New Year’s Eve? Not only do you pay outrageous prices to be around a bunch of drunks, but the next morning you actually remember it!

One year, we did it Mom and Dad's way on New Year's Eve. We broke open a package of Doritos, flipped on the TV and watched Paul Anka's hair fall out. Hey, it's better than watching Anderson Cooper and that sleazy Cathy Griffin.

I used to love it in the old days. One year, I went to Houston and we bet the rest of the guacamole dip on whether Mickey Gilley would fall off the piano stool.

I set a new record in 2011. I will start the new year as the proud owner of 17 odd socks.

This Date In History: 1853; The United States bought some 45,000 sq mi of land from Mexico in the Gadsden Purchase. 1911; Sun Yat-sen was elected the first president of the Republic of China.

1922; The Union of the Soviet Socialist Republics was established through the confederation of Russia, Byelorussia, Ukraine, and Transcaucasian Federation. 1940; California's first freeway opened.

1972; President Nixon halted the heavy bombing on North Vietnam. 1993; Israel and the Vatican signed an agreement of mutual recognition to put an end to Jewish-Christian hostilities.

Picture Of The Day: New year's resolutions by some of our citizens. As per my ususal, I resolve never to make New Year's resolutions and my record remains unblemished.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The year is almost over and I still haven't broken last year's New Year's resolution...never to go to another New Year's Eve party. Honest, I haven't been to one all year. 2) For many people the highlight of New Year's Eve is watching the ball drop in Times Square. Big deal. I've seen lots of balls drop this year. I watched all of the Miami Dolphins' games. 3) In 2012, prices and taxes will be going up, so on New Year's Eve, enjoy the ball descending in Times Square -- it's the only thing that's going down. 4) The only resolution ever I kept from a New Year's Eve party was never drink tequila too close to a Polynesian fire dancer. 5) For those planning to party hearty on New Year's Eve, remember, the annual wino parade starts promptly at midnight.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Capricorn - December 30th: It's great to have your birthday fall on a Friday. There's no work the next day and you have more time to recover from partying. Be careful of your desire to pop party balloons. You know how you get once you start. Chances of romance are at 90 percent.

Birthdays: John Milne, seismologist 1850, Rudyard Kipling, British author 1865, Alfred E. Smith, political leader 1873, Paul Bowles, writer and composer 1910 ,Jack Lord, actor 1920, Bo Diddley, singer, guitarist, and songwriter 1928, Sandy Koufax, baseball player 1935, Jeff Lynne, singer and songwriter, and music producer 1947, Tracey Ullman, comedian, actress, singer 1959, Bennett Miller, filmmaker 1966, Tiger Woods, golfer 1975, Eliza Dushku, actor 1980.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. It was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

Murray was in no shape to drive on New Year's Eve, so he sensibly left his car in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman, who inquired, "What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?" Murray answered, "I'm on my way to a lecture." The cop asked, "Who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?" Murray slurred grimly, "My wife."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to all of my family and friends who made contributions to this year's stories. Have a safe and Happy New Year!

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady truck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?" All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat ! When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He again asked the lady, "Up or down ?" There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again. This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day. She said yes.

The next day, they were riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down ?" The woman replied, "Down." A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, "Up or down ?" She replied, "Up."

This really confused the gentleman so he asked, "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!" She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were "Hump or Drown."

Rachel was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?" Max, smiling broadly, answered, "You'll know at midnight."

At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Rachel and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled, "The meaning of dreams." Max never heard the shot...

To My Perfect Martini: Hace tiempo no te veo, mi amor. Tenemos que salir! Feliz Ano Nuevo!

That's it for today my little party animals. Remember, have a great New Year's Eve. Remember to drive carefully, arrive home safely and don't embarrass yourself. In other words, make sure you're sobered up, buckled up and zipped up. More on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

1993; Israel and the Vatican signed an agreement of mutual recognition to put an end to Jewish-Christian hostilities.

And they did not tell the folks in Ireland!!!! Oh I'm sorry wrong groups!

But I read your resolution from last year about the New Years Eve party to Sherry, she doesn't believe it, and she is oh so proud of you. Then she said, I bet the sucker makes the same promise this year.

BTW I attended that lecture Murray was head for.

Happy New Year Sir, and may you land safely in 2012.

garnett109 said...

Happy New Year Jimmy!

Brian said...

Yes happy new year and a happy good bye to 2011. The year that the dollar nearly went insolvent and the euro might as well have.

Best Wishes


Rose said...

Happy New Year Jimmy!

Hugs, Rose

Senorita said...

Happy 2012! I hope that 2012 isn't the end of the world, and that you accomplish everything you want to.