Friday night's outing to AREA 51 took me to see my pals at Holleman's Restaurant in Miami Springs for a good 'ole 50's party. As usual, Linda and Randy (mostly Linda) took a lot of pictures and really went out of their way to make it a great party. The ladies really carried the theme by dressing in the 50's style. I haven't seen crinolines in years.
It was also Tom Curtis' 96th birthday party and both Tom and Hazel looked great. There are always a lot of good karaoke singers performing there and I was fortunate to sing "You've Got A Friend" in duet with my friend Carol.
Holleman's restaurant has always offered quality dining and Friday nights are a great time to see friends and have fun. The drinks are overpriced and served in undersized glasses, but the pours are relatively generous. The atmosphere and camaraderie more than make up for the price of the drinks.
The News As I See It: Occupy Portland is now blocking ports along the west coast. This endangers shipping and jobs when both are so important around the Holidays. I wonder at what point in time is someone going to go postal on these idiots and wipe out about a hundred or so of them? It will probably be with arms lost by the Feds in Operation Fast and Furious, then smuggled back to America to commit crimes.
The Library of Congress is home to some of the most important documents in history including the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and now it will so include tweets from Gretchen44, who likes strawberry balsamic vinegar on her salad.
A group of Florida grandmothers posed nude for a calendar to help raise money for charity. The charity was the "Wish We Were Blind Society."
Rick Perry was asked what he'd do about the West Bank. He said he’d bring back free checking.
This Date In History: 1787; Pennsylvania became the second state to ratify the U.S. Constitution. 1870; Joseph Rainey took his seat as the first African American in the U.S. House of Representatives. 1913; The Mona Lisa was recovered in Florence after having been stolen two years earlier (August 1911) from the Louvre.
1963; Kenya gained its independence from Britain. 1998; The House Judiciary Committee approved a fourth and final article of impeachment against President Clinton. 2000; The U.S. Supreme Court stopped the presidential election recount in Florida. 2001; Yasir Arafat closed the offices of Hamas and Islamic Jihad.
Picture Of The Day: Linda and Randy and other photos from Friday night's party.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The phone will not ring until you leave your recliner and walk to the bathroom. 2) I tried to read a book on curing insomnia, but I kept falling asleep. 3) When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for 5 minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice. 4) Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. 5) I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car. The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Sagittarius - December 12th: Okay, so this year your birthday falls on a Monday. Hey, everyone gets their chance with Mondays, so have a great time. Do something different today (except for that stunt you pulled last year) and make it a great day. Chances for romance are extremely high, but bear in mind that's partly due to the fact that it's your birthday and the pity factor.
Birthdays: John Jay, statesman 1745, William Lloyd Garrison, abolitionist 1805, Gustave Flaubert, novelist 1821, Edvard Munch, painter 1863, Edward G. Robinson, actor 1893, Patrick O'Brian, novelist 1914, Frank Sinatra, singer, actor 1915, Bob Barker, TV personality 1923, Dionne Warwick, singer 1941, Tracy Austin, tennis player 1962, Jennifer Connelly, actor 1970.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A young man goes to confession and says, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month." The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's."
Soon after, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months." This time the priest questions, "Who is Nookie Green?" The sinner replies, "A new woman in the neighborhood." The priest sighs and says, "Very well, go and say ten Hail Mary's."
At Mass the next morning, as the priest prepares to deliver his sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop dead gorgeous woman enters the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the Priest. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes.
The priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman in the matching green shoes and dress sits, her legs slightly spread apart. The priest turns to the altar boy and whispers, "Is that Nookie Green?" The bug-eyed altar boy can't believe his ears but replies, "No, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes!"
A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has, whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished!"
The American nodded in acknowledgement. As the match started, the American and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Amreican and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the American collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could."
The trainer exclaimed, "So, that's what finished him off?!" The American wrestler replied, "Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Cajun Mawhoney for her contribution to today's stories.
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known... only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces a ll over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
A female police officer arrests a guy for drunk driving. While reading him his Miranda Rights, the female officer tells the man, Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will be held against you." The drunk replied, "Tits!"
That's it for today my little pine cones. Remember, reading in the bathroom is not considered multi-tasking. More on Wednesday.
Stay Tuned !