Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Time And Time Again - And In The Same Pile Of Dog Poo

From the magazine who selected Adolf Hitler in 1938 as it's person of the year, Time magazine has again turned to a concept for its latest person of the year, choosing "The Protester" in recognition of a year in which unhappiness with politics and the economy was given voice in streets around the world, most notably in the Mideast.

Time picked its first person of the year, then called man of the year, in 1927 with Charles Lindbergh, who put aviation on the map. In the years since, it has chosen the good, Mohandas Gandhi in 1930; the bad, Adolf Hitler in 1938; and even the ugly, the computer in 1982. Responding to the Cold War, the magazine praised Hungarian freedom fighters in 1958, and it's thematic ideas have included Baby Boomers in 1966 and Middle America in 1969.

The selections carry with them a certain amount of self-promotion for the magazine. The choices (like the ubiquitous 10 best lists also entering their busy season) could help boost circulation as well as the prestige of the designee and the institution making the award.

Personally, I think it's just self promotion by the slowly dying magazine to boost its declining circulation, but I will say this. I don't care too much about what other countries do, but in America, I consider anyone wearing a mask to hide their identity to be a thug, thief or trouble maker and my gun site will be aimed at them.

Hey, it could have been worse. They had a wide field of idiots and misfits to chose from including, Nancy Pelosi, her obnoxious protege Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Harry Reid, Rick Perry, Barrack Hussein Obama or The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.....

The News As I See It: Pope Benedict announced he's going to visit Mexico sometime next year, bringing with him a message of hope for all the Mexican people. Then he will go to Los Angeles and give the same message to the rest of the Mexican people.

Rick Perry said there were eight supreme court justices instead of nine. But, in his defense, he did know there were only three judges on "Dancing With the Stars." Perry also said the Obama administration sent $500 million to the "country of Solyndra." Wrong again Rick, the 500 million went to Obama's political cronies.

Iran is now in possession of an American drone. When I heard that I thought, "Oh, my God, they captured Joe OBiden?"

Obama celebrated Hanukkah at the White House last week. He lit the menorah and then Joe OBiden came in, sang happy birthday and blew out all of the candles.

A global study just released found that happiness does not increase with the rate of economic growth. To which Obama said, "See? That's what I’ve been trying to tell you people."

CBS has a Christmas special coming up called Kim Kardashian: The 12 Days of Marriage.

A Russian man is filing for divorce, claiming that he doesn’t remember ever getting married. Yeah, it’s like the wedding never happened.... which explains his name, Vladimir Kardashian.

This Date In History: 1799; George Washington died at age 67. 1819; Alabama became the 22nd state in the United States. 1911; Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen became the first man to reach the South Pole, beating an expedition led by Robert F. Scott. 1939; The Soviet Union was dropped from the League of Nations.

1967 DNA synthesized for the first time. 1981; Israel formally annexed the Golan Heights. 1985; Wilma Mankiller became the first woman to lead a major American Indian tribe as she took office as principal chief of the Cherokee Nation of Oklahoma. 1989; Nobel Peace laureate Andrei D. Sakharov died in Moscow at age 68.

Picture Of The Day: My thanks to my pal Regina who made me this cute little singing parrot.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Everybody seems to be in a very festive Christmas mood. Yesterday, I saw two strangers splitting a cab. One guy took the tires, one guy took the radio. 2) I've been diagnosed with Christmas Carol Senile Dementia: Walking in a Winter Wonderland miles from my house in my slippers and robe. I don't know if I'll be Home for Christmas. 3) Christmas Carol Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear? 4) San Francisco Christmas Carole Multiple Personality Disorder: We Three Queens Disoriented Are. 5) I went shopping today and among the wide selection, I saw the perfect Christmas tree. I examined it closely and, sure enough, I couldn't see any forests.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Sagittarius - December 14th: Today is not a day to wear yellow. There's a reason why police put up yellow tape at a crime scene. No ill winds will blow your way today so go ahead and light the candles. Chance of romance is 30's not you, that's just the odds. Oh...and don't take tuba lessons.....

Birthdays: Nostradamus, French astrologer and physician 1503, Tycho Brahe, astronomer 1546, John Mercer Langston, public official, diplomat, educator 1829, James Doolittle,aviator, military leader 1896, Shirley Jackson, writer 1919, Patty Duke, actress 1946, Michael Owen, soccer player 1979, Vanessa Anne Hudgens, actress 1988.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: My girlfriend and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have Sex?" She answered, "No...." I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes...." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started...

A man and his wife were sitting at a table at her high school reunion and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" She sighed, "Yes, he's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago and I hear he hasn't been sober since." The man replied, "My God! Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror while her husband reads in bed. "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment." The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." He never heard the shot....

A man decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

Little Johnny had a cursing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said, "Since Christmas is coming up, you should ask Johnny what he wants Santa to bring him. If he cusses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of the gift or gifts he requests."

Two days before Christmas, Johnny's father asked him what he wanted for Christmas. Johnny said, "I want a damn teddy-bear laying right beside me when I wake up. When I go downstairs I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree and when I go outside I want to see a damn bike leaning against the damn garage."

Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he walked down stairs and saw another pile under the tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog poop by the garage.

When Johnny walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, "What did Santa bring you this year?" Johnny replied, "I think I got a dog, but I can't find the son-of-a-bitch!"

Murray Lipschitz went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, Mrs. Lipschitz awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.

Murray picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. His mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. Mrs. Lipschitz said, ''What are we going to do?'' Murray said, ''Nothing, the lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.''

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Wally and his wife Carolyn listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" Wally leaned over, touched Carolyn's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it honey?"

That's it for today my little fruit cakes. Remember, anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present. AREA 51 is my destination for happy hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

a. I agree with you on TIME the mag.
b. I worry aboutthe drone...
c. but you owe me another monitor when he blew out the candles!!!! Green tea every where.
d. But then you are a cute bird!!
Thanks for a good read!

Missy said...

Your eyesight's damn near perfect...

LOL that's so wrong