I have enjoyed playing golf for years. My handicap is that I play golf. I once attempted to teach a girlfriend of mine to play golf but she had a distinct distain for walking long distances chasing white balls. I asked her if she was a racist.
We are entering a two month window of excitement, beauty and elegance in America. It began with the Masters Golf Tournament and the next event is the Triple Crown of horse racing, highlighted by the Kentucky Derby. It ends with the Indianapolis 500 on Memorial Day Weekend.
The News As I See It: Hundreds of barefoot Filipinos marched on the roads through the Philippines carrying heavy wooden crosses and whipping their backs until they bled to prepare for Easter. Call me old-fashioned but I just like coloring the eggs.
Tim Tebow delivered an Easter sermon at a church in Texas. And, although it's not official, there's now rumors that the church has been talking to Peyton Manning.
New York's famous Carnegie Deli honored Tim Tebow's move to the Jets by naming a sandwich after him. The Tim Tebow sandwich. It's pretty amazing. Two pieces of fish, five pieces of bread and feeds 5,000 people.
The baseball season is in full swing. Remember baseball? It used to be our national pastime before Facebook. I'm glad baseball is back and basketball is over. I was getting sick of paying only $2 for a beer.
Friday night began the Jewish holiday of Passover or as they call it in Los Angeles, "Cinco de Matzo."
Google announced they are making glasses that have embedded technology that projects data on the lenses in front of your eyes. Some people formed a group online to stop the new technology. Hmmm....An online group to stop new technology...... Does anybody see the irony here?
This Date In History: 1731; Robert Jenkins's ear was cut off, sparking the War of Jenkins’s Ear between Spain and England. 1865 Gen. Robert E. Lee surrendered to Gen. Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox Court House.
1914; The first full-color film, The World, The Flesh and the Devil, was shown in London. 1939; Contralto Marian Anderson, after being denied performing at Constitution Hall in Washington, D.C., gave a concert at the Lincoln Memorial.
1942; American and Philippine troops on Bataan were overwhelmed by Japanese forces during World War II. The "Bataan Death March" began soon after. 1959; NASA announced the selection of America’s first astronauts, including Alan Shepard and John Glenn. 1963; Winston Churchill became the first honorary U.S. citizen.
1992; Former Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega was convicted of drug and racketeering charges. 2003; American Marines pulled down Saddam Hussein’s statue in Baghdad after U.S. commanders declared his rule ended. 2005; Britain's Prince Charles marries Camilla Parker Bowles.
Picture Of The Day: Word.....!
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish. 2) You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 3) Always keep several "get well" cards on your mantel. That way, if unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean. 4) You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg. 5) Saying it's McDonald's fault because your kids are fat is like saying it's Hooter's fault because your husband likes big tits.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Aries - April 9th: The Song "Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down" will neither be a bad omen, nor affect you today, as you sing off key and are exempt from the curse. Take on Monday as the challenge that it is and move forward. Chance of romance for you is 78.36 percent and lower for singers and musicians... Drat!
Birthdays: My pal Lisa - Happy Birthday Baby! 19XX, Charles Baudelaire poet 1821, Eadweard Muybridge photographer 1830, Paul Robeson American actor and bass singer 1898, J. William Fulbright senator 1905, Jean-Paul Belmondo actor 1933.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man stumbles up to a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Noticing the only other man at the bar, he tells the bartender to buy him a drink.
The first man then asks, "Where are you from?" The second man replies, "I'm from Miami but my Dad was born in Alabama." The first man says, "What a coincidence my Dad's from Alabama too! Let's have another round to Alabama." The second man says, "Good idea!"
Curious, the first man then asks, "Where in Alabama is your Dad from?" The second man replies, "Tuscaloosa." The first man says, "I can't believe it. My Dad's from Tuscaloosa too! Let's have another drink to Tuscaloosa." The second man says, "For sure!"
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, "What school did you go to?" The second man, "Hialeah High school. I graduated in '64." The first man says, "This is unbelievable! I went to Hialeah High too and graduated in '63!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. The regular says the bartender, "Hey Tom, what's going on?" The bartender says, "Nothing much, same old thing. Mondays are slow and the Sullivan brothers are drunk again."
A group of nuns are lined up to confess to the priest. The first nun says, "Father, I have sinned. I looked at a man naked." The priest says, "Put holy water on your eyes and say 10 hail Marys."
The next nun comes up and says, "Father, I have sinned. I touched a naked man in a sexual manner." The priest says, "Was your hands in holy water and say 20 hail Marys."
The third nun approaches the priest and is about to speak when is a clamoring from the back of the church. Another nun comes running in going, "Wait!" The priest says, "What’s wrong?!" The nun replies, "I need to gargle the holy water before Sister Nancy sticks her ass in it."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.
A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.....
A teacher, a trash collector and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and decided to make the question a little harder, "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "About 1,500." St. Peter said, "That's right! You may enter."
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer and said, "Name them."
An old man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself. He says, "May I buy you a cocktail?" Maxine replies, "No, thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs." The man says, "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?" Maxine says, "No, they spread."
That's it for today, my little magpies. Remember, chastity is curable if detected early. More on Wednesday.
Stay Tuned !
3 comments:
Your new Supermarket sounds very interesting! LOL
They do a lot of misting here in Florida even at the restaurant's outdoor patios for dining.
Hugggggggggggggggggs
Not a Golfer but the course is pretty. i sorta want to ride a dirt bike there! You would think bubba would have one! At least a 4 wheeler for his Caddie!
I can't comment, I gotta find some 'Get Well' cards to put on the dash of the motor home!
Enjoyed the post as always, If you drive be careful, Enjoy the week.
I don't even like to dye eggs, I just like to eat chocolate.
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