Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving !

They’re already playing Christmas music in the malls and on the radio. I still have a carved pumpkin in my window. They’re supposed to wait until after Thanksgiving Day to start with the Christmas stuff. The human brain can only hear "Jingle Bell Rock" so many times before it orders the body to kill itself. I think this is a violation of the Geneva Convention.

MSNBC anchor Martin Bashir made extremely crude and gross comment last week about Sarah Palin. He apologized for his remarks last week calling them "wholly unacceptable." Bashir, whose parents are Pakistani, needs to learn some manners. MSNBC has always been a loser and their parent company NBC isn't any better.

Well Marty, that may be the way it's done in Pakistan, but white people don't put up with remarks like that, especially from camel jockeys who have been walking in dirt for 2,000 years.

The News As I See It: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. Now’s the time to call all your family and apologize to them in advance for all the things you’re going to say to them when you get drunk.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-time takes twelve minutes. Coincidence?

April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring Pilgrims ( I apologize for that one).

What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving? Twerky (Don't bother, I'll show myself out).

In 1941, Congress ruled that the fourth Thursday in November would officially be observed as Thanksgiving Day — thus making it the last time Congress accomplished anything.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. In fact, today, five turkeys from the United States showed up at the Moscow airport seeking asylum.

The traditional Thanksgiving began in 1621 and soon afterward, the Indians realized they had a failed immigration policy.

When Obama was in Los Angeles, he visited the DreamWorks Studios. Don't confuse DreamWorks with Obamacare — that was a dream that didn't work.

This Date In History: 1520; Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan passed through the strait which bears his name to the Pacific ocean. 1919; American-born Lady Astor became the first woman to take a seat on the British Parliament.

1942; Almost 500 people died in the Coconut Grove nightclub fire in Boston. 1943; Churchill, Roosevelt, and Stalin met in Tehran for their first meeting during World War II.

1964; The U.S. spacecraft Mariner 4 launched on its way to the first successful mission to Mars. 1990 Margaret Thatcher resigned as prime minister of Great Britain; John Major took over.

Picture Of The Day: A vision of beauty.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) It's called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken. 2) Then I said "No officer, I’m not slurring my speech. I’m speaking in cursive." 3) I was winning a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question, which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the curliest hair? Apparently, Fiji was the correct answer. 4) My new answering machine recording: Hello telemarketers and collection agencies. Your call is very important to me. Please leave a message after this enjoyable 40 minute flute solo. 5) The hardest part of potty training my puppy is taking a dump outside with him so he can learn. The neighbors taking pictures don't help either.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeSagittarius - November 27th: Kissing horses in an otherwise empty paddock is always fair game. Enjoy yourself today and especially tomorrow. Try not to go overboard with the Wild Turkey. 

Birthdays: My Friend Olivia - Happy Birthday! 19XX, John Bunyan author 1628, Friedrich Engels socialist 1820, Anton Rubinstein pianist, composer 1829, John Wesley Hyatt inventor 1837, Henry Bacon architect 1866, Berry Gordy, Jr. record company founder and executive 1929, Randy Newman singer, composer 1943, Ed Harris actor 1950, Jon Stewart TV personality 1962

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss" and taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

Th Head Gardner at the White House was fired. after 28 years of service. Jim Whitey, the head gardener at the White House, was dismissed today after 28 years of loyal service. In an interview outside the back gate of the White House, the elderly gentleman, proclaimed his innocence and strongly condemned his firing

.He said, "It all happened so fast. I'm still in a daze. All I know is, I was getting ready to weed the rose bed outside the Oval Office window like I do every week.. I yelled out to my assistants, "Has anyone seen the spade and the hoe?" and the next thing I knew, the Secret Service was escorting me off the property!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line.

When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus." The turkey replied, "Forget the bonus. All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

That's it for today, my little turkey basters. Remember, it's hard to be sure you've succeeded if you can't remember what you were trying to do. I'm going to mosey on over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving Day and more on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Okay it is a good read that is for sure. Thanks. I loved the speaking in Cursive and the 40 minutes of flute solo, those are hard to beat. The 'She wants her sign back' twas the best...
Happy Thanksgiving, we are goijg to Perkins and hoping Carl is there.

jack69 said...

The 'goijg to Perkins' is in cursive! (schmile)

jack69 said...

Yeah and that crap head of a new reporter............. U B RITE

Linda's World said...

The spade and the hoe!?!? Happy Turkey Day!

salemslot9 said...

happy thanksgiving
Jimmy & Possum