Monday, November 11, 2013
Remembering The Veterans
Today is Veteran's Day and a time to remember that the freedom we enjoy today is due to the millions of United States soldiers and allies who served or are serving in the military. Most have returned home, but many were severely injured or were killed in action.
I have to especially remember my father, James Sullivan Sr., (pictured left) who served in World War II and my late nephew, Jonathan Sullivan.
I served in the United States Army as well as Brother Kirt, who was in Vietnam. My friends Chris, Doug, Frankie, Gary, Jack, Jimmy, Carl, Victor and Wally also are remembered, as they served their country as well.
I ask all my readers and friends to take the time to remember our soldiers, past and present, and to extend a welcome hand to anyone in uniform. I can assure you that the gesture will be quite welcome and you can put a little sunshine into a soldier or veteran's life.
The News As I See It: Apparently there is a huge crack cocaine problem in Toronto. Luckily, it’s just confined to the mayor’s office.
Chris Christie won a second term as New Jersey governor. Christie said he couldn't have done it without his biggest supporter – and then his belt said, "Happy to help, man."
As I'm sure you’ve heard by now, the mayor of Toronto, a man named Rob Ford, has admitted to smoking crack cocaine. People should have seen this coming. There were signs, like his campaign slogan: "Just say yes."
I was thinking about Thanksgiving and I realized who we should put in charge of the Obamacare website — the Butterball hotline people. Have you ever called them? They always pick up. They're friendly. They have all of the information you need. And they're used to dealing with big turkeys.
Half of the state of Colorado voted to secede from the United States. This is what happens when you legalize marijuana
According to CNN, they're now developing a new spy plane that can travel six times the speed of sound and can launch missiles. They said it could really help us with our spying. In fact, this plane is so good President Obama is already denying knowing anything about it.
This Date In History: 1620; The Mayflower Compact was signed by Pilgrims aboard the Mayflower. It would provide the basis for all governments of the American colonies. 1831; Former slave Nat Turner was executed. 1889; Washington became the 42nd state.
1918; The Allies and Germany signed an armistice ending World War I. 1921; The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier was dedicated in Arlington National Cemetery. 1965; Rhodesia proclaimed its independence from Britain.
1992; The Church of England voted to ordain women as priests. 2004; Yasir Arafat, chairman of the Palestine Liberation Organization, died in Paris. Mahmoud Abbas was elected to take his place.
Picture Of The Day: The picture says it all.....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I'm being so much nicer to my menopausal girlfriend since she showed me how easy it was to remove bloodstains from carpeting. 2) My cell phone autocorrected, "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer". I sent it anyway. 3) Note to bicycling enthusiasts who go speeding by me as I'm walking: When you yell "on your left" as you go by, it only lets me know which arm to "clothesline" you with. 4) When you apply for a job at Hooters, they hand you a bra and say, "Here, just fill this out." 5) I start, but rarely complete my paintings and song writing, for I am a master of the partial arts.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Libra - November 11th: Don't trust little birdies, they're renown liars. Bits and pieces of last night will flash before your eyes today. This is all due to the excitement and pleasure of your new found love - drinking all night at the country music karaoke bar.
Birthdays: My friends Gerald, Sharlan and Tommy - Happy Birthday - 19XX, Maude Adams, actress 1872, George Patton, general 1885, Howard Fast, author 1914, Kurt Vonnegut Jr., science fiction writer 1922, Carlos Fuentes, writer, editor, and diplomat 1928, LaVern Baker, singer 1929, Calista Flockhart, actress 1964, Leonardo DiCaprio, actor 1974.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: At the shopping mall the other day, an old man watched a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life? The old man did not bat an eye and responded, "Yep, I got drunk one night and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. The Doctor said, "Come now, you've been seeing me for years! There's nothing you can't tell me."
The woman says, "Well, yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of pennies. That afternoon I went again and there were nickels in the bowl."
She went on, " Later, there were dimes and this morning there were quarters! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me." The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder and said, "There, there, it's nothing to be afraid of. You're simply going through the change."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Old Josh was sat in his garden, sunbathing in the deck chair when he noticed his grand-son kneeling on the lawn with a worm. When he asked his grandson what he was doing, he found that he was trying to push the worm down the hole from which it came.
Old Josh said, "If you can get that worm back in that hole I'll give you ten dollars." His grandson sat and thought for a moment, then rushed into the house. A few minutes later he returned with his mother's hair spray.
He picked up the worm by one end and, as he let it hang down, he sprayed it all over with the hair spray. The spray set and the worm became stiff and hard. It was now easy to push the worm back in the hole. Josh was amazed. He gave the boy ten dollars, picked up the hair spray and went indoors.
About an hour later Josh came back into the garden and gave his grandson another ten dollars. The little boy said, "But grandpa, you've already given me the ten dollars you promised." Old Josh said, "I know, that's from your grandma....."
The woman said to her friend, "I just don't understand?! I don't have a boyfriend or a husband, I can never get a date and guys just don't seem interested in me. I don't know what's wrong with me." Her friend said, "I know a Chinese doctor that can help you."
So, her friend gave her the doctor's address and the next day she went to see him. She tells the doctor what her problem was and he proceeded to give her instructions. The Doctor says, "Take off your crows." The woman said, "What, what did you say?" The Doctor said, "take off your crows", motioning for her to take off her clothes.
The Doctor says "Ok, now craw to the window". The woman says, "What?" The Doctor repeats, "Craw to the window" he said as he got down on all fours to show her what he meant. So she crawled to the window. He says, "Now craw back to me," motioning her to come back.
The Doctor says, "Ah-ha! I know what your problem is. You have Ed Zachary disease." The woman says, "Ed Zachary disease, what's that?" The Doctor says "Your face looks Ed Zachary like your ass".
That's it for today, my little cashew nuts. Remember, if you say "no ifs, ands, or buts", then get ready for a shitload of "shoulds", "as well as", and "howevers".
More on Wednesday.
Stay Tuned !