Monday, November 25, 2013

Random Thoughts

I'd like to preface today's post with the fact that all politicians are self absorbed, self-promoting, liars and thieves, beginning with Obama and trickling down to every city, town and municipality in America.

The new agreement between America and Iran has most of our allies up in arms. Obama says it's good for America. He also said that "if you like your health care plan, you can keep your health care plan....period.

The newest thug crime spree is called "knockout" where a group of goons sneak up behind an unsuspecting person, knock them out with one punch, then post the video on the Internet. Hopefully, someone, who happens to be armed, witnesses the crime and shoots the perpetrator(s) between the eyes.

The current problems with Obamacare are beginning to affect young people who blindly voted for the "chosen one". I relish their suffering with the hope that their future votes will be based on facts and less on an "American Idol" mentality.

The choice of television shows today has sunk so low that the networks now just put together "reality shows" with topics that make you doubt the chance of any intellect in the industry. I do make note that a successful television drama or sit-com requires good actors and writers which cost the networks money. It is so much easier to treat the viewing public like four-year-olds and give them no options.

Redistribution is simply taking from the haves and giving it to the have nots. It cannot work. Sooner or later, you run out of other people's money. We are closer than you think.....

The News As I See It: We found out how many people have signed up for Obamacare on the federal website. Out of 15 million uninsured, they signed up 26,794. To give you an idea, Wilt Chamberlain had sex with more people than that.

David Blaine performed magic for Kanye West. Blaine performed an amazing trick where he got Kanye to not talk about Kanye for eight seconds.

Thieves have stolen a half a million dollars' worth of Red Bull. They're described as armed, dangerous and ready to go.

This Date In History: 1758; The British captured Fort Duquesne (Pittsburgh) in the French and Indian Wars. 1783; The British evacuated New York City, their last military position, after the Revolutionary War.

1841; The slaves who seized the Amistad in 1839; were freed by the Supreme Court. They had been defended by former president John Quincy Adams.

1947; Movie executives blacklisted the "Hollywood Ten." 1986; Iran-Contra scandal broke. 1998; Jiang Zemin became the first Chinese head of state to visit Japan since World War II.

1999; Elian Gonzalez was rescued off the coast of Florida. 2002; President George W. Bush signed into law the Department of Homeland Security and named Tom Ridge as head.

Picture Of The Day: We are but a mere speck in life. Some things just help us visualize this.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I'm not saying it's been a while, but, the last time a girl got down on her knees for me, she showed me how to tie my shoelaces. 2) (Me): "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" (Officer): "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."  3) I'm at my most brilliant when the door says "pull" and I don't believe it. 4) I'll bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace. 5) The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost.".....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeSagittarius November 25th- : The odds are that you'll see something today that you physically and desperately desire. However, it is unlikely that you will achieve it. I would estimate that at least half of your efforts today will go, not only unrewarded, but also unnoticed. Don't be concerned, the same thing happens to me, too.

Birthdays: My friends Denis and Todd - Happy Birthday 19XX, FĂ©lix Lope de Vega Carpio, dramatic poet 1562, Andrew Carnegie, industrialist and philanthropost 1835, Carry Moore Nation, temperance advocate 1846, Pope John XXIII, religious leader 1881, Virgil Thomson, composer 1896, Ba Jin, modern novelist 1904, Joe DiMaggio, American Baseball Player 1914, Ricardo Montalban, actor 1920, John Larroquette, actor 1947, John F. Kennedy, Jr. publisher, lawyer 1960, Amy Grant, pop musician 1960.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An old couple is on a walk when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman’s head.

The old woman says, "Yech! Get some toilet paper." The old man replies, "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

An aging grandmother tells her grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, the farmhouse and $24,548,750 in cash."

The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are so generous! I didn’t even know you had a farm. Where is it?" Grandma whispered, "Facebook…"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can’t swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars."

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where’s my hundred dollars?"

The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed and, in general, began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.

The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?" The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of circle flies."

The farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse." The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a minute he stops and says, "Hey…wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?" The farmer says, "Oh no, Officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass."

The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."

That's it for today, my little doodlebugs. Remember, the difference between a water bottle and puberty is that a water bottle has already hit Justin Bieber.

More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

I start to read some of this to Sherry and I hear, "Oh that is Jimmy, I already read it." Now that ain't fun, but you pay when you are late I guess.
One of the best entries, Loved EVERY printable. That is only a maybe about Wilt though. LOL
Good one, THANKS I like your opinions on the news...
(You should at least get a 30-40 sec. shot on the Miami news hour, I think it would be great.)