Friday, November 1, 2013
This is the time of year that becomes warm and fuzzy to me and it always reminds me of one of my favorite romantic songs, "Autumn Leaves". I have recorded and performed this song in both the traditional slow version and the uptempo, jazz version.
The American songwriter Johnny Mercer wrote the English lyrics in 1947 and Jo Stafford was among the first to perform "Autumn Leaves", which became a pop standard and a jazz standard in both English and French, both as an instrumental and with a singer. It has been recorded by Nat king Cole and many others.
The falling leaves drift by the window
The autumn leaves of red and gold
I see your lips, the summer kisses
The sun-burned hands I used to hold
Since you went away the days grow long
And soon I'll hear old winter's song
But I miss you most of all my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall
The News As I See It: Con artists are using Obamacare confusion to sign people up for fake health insurance. The scammers lure victims with false promises like, "If you like your healthcare plan, you can keep your healthcare plan."
At Domino's website, you can track the progress of your pizza. That's fine. That's running perfectly. No problems there. But you can't get Obamacare there either.
This Date In History: 1512; Michelangelo's paintings on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel were shown to the public for the first time. 1755; Earthquake, fires, and tsunami leveled Lisbon and claimed 70,000 lives.
1765; The Stamp Act, the first direct tax on the American colonies, went into effect. 1870; The U.S. Weather Bureau made its first meteorological observations. 1936; Benito Mussolini described the new alliance between Nazi Germany and Italy as an "axis" running between Berlin and Rome.
1952; The United States exploded the first hydrogen bomb in a test in the Marshall Islands. 1993; The Maastricht Treaty was enacted, establishing the European Union.
Picture Of The Day: There's something about caves and waterfalls that have always intrigued me.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance and to turn around three times before lying down. 2) I told my girlfriend that she's more attractive when she's not wearing glasses and she said I'm also more attractive when she's not wearing glasses. 3) Jehovah's witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes. 4) I'll be honest with you, a lot of today's jokes have been re-gifted. 5) Brother Kirt bought a Japanese camera. When he takes a picture, the camera goes "Crick".....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Libra - November 1st: Neither fire, brimstone nor the devil's genitals will get in your way as you chase your way through Beelzebub's lair in order to obtain what you aim for. One of the problems with getting your own way with love is that sometimes you have to be a bit evil. The thing is, you're a natural.
Birthdays: William Merritt Chase, painter 1849, Stephen Crane, novelist, poet 1871, Naomi Mitchison, writer 1897, Gary Player, golfer 1936 ,Lyle Lovett, musician, singer, songwriter 1957.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: One day, the sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town with nothing on except his gun belt and his boots. The sheriff says, "Billy-Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?" Billy-Bob replies, "Well sheriff, it's a long story!"
The sheriff says he isn't in a hurry and that Billy-Bob should tell the story. Billy-Bob continues, "Well sheriff, me and Mary-Lou was down on the farm and we started a cuddling. Mary-Lou said we should go in the barn and we did."
Billy-Bob went on, "Inside the barn we started a kissing and a cuddling and things got pretty hot and heavy, well Mary-Lou said that we should go up on the hill so we did. Up on the hill we started a kissing and a cuddling and the Mary-Lou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same."
Billy-Bob continued, "Well, I took off all my clothes except my gun belt and my boots. Then Mary-Lou lay on the ground and opened her legs and said, "Okay Billy-Bob, go to town..."
A farmer purchases an old, run-down farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart and the fences are collapsing all around. During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!"
A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it's like a completely different place--the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there is plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows.
The preacher says. "Amazing! Look what God and you have accomplished together!" The farmer says, "Yes, Reverend, but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!"
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, an animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting.
The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it, ‘Are you the one who killed my brother?’"
Nugent replied, "Deer aren’t capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, what am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the Democrats in Congress."
A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is.
The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so go ahead.
The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to "try out his new equipment". The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner.
While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants.
His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says, "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!".
That's it for today, my little pumpkin pies. Remember, where there's a will, make sure you're in it. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
Have a great weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !