Monday, December 16, 2013

Washington Post Releases 10 "Biggest Pinocchios" of the Year

Fresh off winning fact-checking organization PolitiFact's "Lie Of The Year", Barack Obama won three of the 10 biggest Pinocchios of 2013 as judged by The Washington Post’s Fact Checker, including the assertion that "If you like your health care, you can keep it."

The other misleading statements from Obama were over the Benghazi terrorist attack and the sequester. The Post listed the health care assertion first among all the other statements deemed as false, giving it four Pinocchios, the highest ranking under the system.

"Knockout" thug shot to death by 93-year-old grandmother. St, Louis, Missouri — Gladis Bennett was on her way Saturday morning to visit her grandchildren. It was a special morning as it was her granddaughter’s 14th birthday. She was waiting for the bus that would take her downtown to see her family. That is when everything changed for the worse. She was waiting at the bus stop and suddenly she felt the sharp pain on the side of her body.

The extreme force was so strong it knocked the aging woman down to the ground. When she looked up she saw a group of street thugs just laughing at her. One of them started kicking her over and over again. Before they could hurt her further she reach for her purse, pulled out her gun and shot the main assailant. Thankfully the rest of the cowards ran away after that. She was terrified, she was sure she was going to die.

A homeless man who witnessed the vicious attack told the reporters on scene that Bennett reacted like a modern day super-hero. He said, "I saw her sucker punched from behind really, really hard. She hit the ground and they all started kicking the poor old lady. She got this huge gun out of her purse and Boom! ….Headshot! ….Game over son! You know what I’m saying? Poor n*gga never had a chance.”

Bennett was robbed about a year prior to this incident. That prompted her to make sure she was protected to the fullest extent of the law with a CCW, she is not anti gun. She said if she had not who knows what that group of low life thugs would’ve done to her.

Bennett was taken to the hospital with scrapes and bruises and was released later on that day. As for her 21 year old attacker, he was pronounced dead at the scene from a bullet wound to the head.

Actor Peter O'Toole died peacefully Saturday in the hospital. O'Toole's first major film role in the title role of T.E. Lawrence in "Lawrence of Arabia" in 1962 was "absolute genius," said British film critic Richard Fitzwilliams. It earned him the first of eight Academy Award nominations and propelled him to world stardom. Peter O'Toole was 81 years old. Rest in peace, Mr. O'Toole.

Country singer Ray Price is currently in hospice in Texas suffering from the final stages of pancreatic cancer. There was a premature report by Price's son that he had passed away Sunday which proved to be false. Price recently ended aggressive treatment for his cancer at East Texas Medical Center in Tyler, Texas.

At the time, his wife Janie said the country star was in his "final days" making the following statement upon his leave from the hospital, "Ray is alert and aware of his surroundings and making decisions. With God's blessing he has not had extreme pain. But it's with great sadness that I announce to you today that my beloved husband has entered the final stages of his cancer that he has battled for 25 months."

Price is known for his smooth, wide-ranging baritone voice and songs including "Heartache by the Number," and "For the Good Times." He helped launch the shuffle era of country music with honky-tonk track "Crazy Arms."

Ray Price
The News As I See It: The Washington Redskins have benched quarterback Robert Griffin III. He had a great first year in Washington, showed incredible promise and then the whole thing fell apart. To which Obama said, “Tell me about it".

Obama attended Nelson Mandela's memorial service in South Africa. Hundreds of world leaders were there. Obama said it felt strange to listen to these leaders in person rather than eavesdropping on their phone calls.

Political correctness is in full swing this holiday season. Kids can't even call Santa's helpers "elves" anymore. They have to be known as "undocumented little people."

This Date In History: 1653; Oliver Cromwell became lord protector of England, Scotland, and Ireland. 1773; The Boston Tea Party took place. 1916; Grigori Rasputin assassinated by a group of noble Russian conspirators.

1920; One of the deadliest earthquakes in history hit the Gansu province in China. The 8.6 quake killed 200,000 people. 1944; The Battle of the Bulge during World War II began in Belgium.

1990; Jean-Bertrand Aristide was elected president of Haiti in the country's first democratic elections. 2000; Colin Powell was selected to become the first Black secretary of state.

Picture Of The Day: Actor Peter O'Toole as T.E. Lawrence in "Lawrence of Arabia".

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The next time you see someone you don't like, begin the conversation with "I see the assassins failed again." 2) (Returning from bar): Hello darkness my old friend, I fell and broke the lamp again. 3) Thank God I still have 15 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013." 4) Whoever says Paper beats Rock is an idiot. Next time I see someone say that I will throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper. 5) You know those movie scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table, throws a woman on top and does her? I did that once with a pizza.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeSagittarius - December 16th: Actions take a moment, consequences last a lifetime. Your friends won't forgive you if you don't take the opportunity you are presented with.Your lucky horse for today is "Sombrero's Lid." He's a long shot but so is his name. I'd wager $20 across the board.

Birthdays: My sweet friend Ileana - Happy Birthday 19XX, Ludwig van Beethoven, German composer 1770, Jane Austen, novelist 1775, George Santayana, philosopher and poet 1863, Zoltán Kodály, composer 1882, Noel Coward, playwright, composer 1899, Margaret Mead, anthropologist 1901, Arthur C. Clarke, science fiction writer 1917, Philip K. Dick, writer 1928, Benjamin Bratt, actor 1963.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Dorothy and Edna, two older widows, are talking. Dorothy says, "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.? I know you went out with him last week and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna replied, "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment dressed in a fine suit and he brings me beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs and what's there, but a limousine. He takes me out for a champagne and lobster dinner. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!"

Edna continued, "Then, we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an animal. He tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"

Dorothy says, "Goodness gracious! So you're telling me I shouldn't go out with him?" Edna answered "No, I'm just saying, wear an old dress."

 With Obama's economy taking us down the tubes, some people can no longer afford doctors. Here's a tip: Just go to an airport. You'll get a free x-ray and breast exam and if you mention al-Qaeda, you'll get a free colonoscopy.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause.

When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

She asked, "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" Her father replied, "They're mating," She asked her father, "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" He replied, "That's a Daddy Long legs." The little girl asked, "So, the other one is a Mommy Long legs?" Her father replied, "No, both of them are Daddy Long legs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, that might be okay in California, but we're not having any of that "Brokeback Mountain" crap in Texas"

That's it for today, my little glow worms. Remember, never buy a Christmas tree at the last minute, especially if you've been drinking. It was so crazy the other night, my friend put the tree in the backseat of his car and strapped his mother-in-law to the roof.

More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


Paula said...

Stopped in to read your funnies, thanks.

Linda's World said...

Heading to the Goodwill to buy an old dress.

jack69 said...

I just came to read Paula and Linda's comments, both of 'em got good ideas...
Good entry, Oh yes and it is good to know the winner deserves this award, BEEG TIME!
andt THE news. Liked the printables. I've sung that song, "Hello DArkness my old friend"... with the same results. (smile)
Have a good weekend (Oh that is over, huh) Us Old folk forget the small stuff.