Friday, December 20, 2013

What The Duck?

Phil Robertson, one of the stars of A&E's mega-hit series Duck Dynasty, was suspended indefinitely by the network for calling homosexuality "illogical," However, conservative political figures from Bobby Jindal to Ted Cruz to Sarah Palin have leapt to his defense, arguing that his right to free expression is being threatened.

Duck Dynasty is the most popular show on cable, making things like Mad Men or Breaking Bad or Girls look like flops by comparison. And yet lots of people have never even heard of it because they're out-of-touch coastal elites.

In statements that threaten the A&E reality hit’s wildly popular and uplifting brand of faith, family and hunting, the Robertson patriarch said: “Everything is blurred on what’s right and what’s wrong. Sin becomes fine. Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men."

Robertson then paraphrased Corinthians from the Bible: "Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right."

As usual, complaints poured in faster than a duck takes to water from homosexual groups such as G.L.A.A.D. and others. Evidently the gay and lesbian communities' credo of tolerance only works one way. As of this post, however, there have been no protests or comments from Donald Duck, nor his nephews, Huey, Dewey and Louie.

A&E released this statement from Phil Robertson addressing the controversy: "I myself am a product of the 60s. I centered my life around sex, drugs and rock and roll until I hit rock bottom and accepted Jesus as my Savior. My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the Bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together. However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other."

Although Robertson's statement was crude, it still remains to be his right to free speech. All in all, this controversy has been bad for Robertson, A&E and the gay community, though admittedly, a pretty good day for ducks.
On another note, a same-sex couple of two male Mallards were observed on a nature reserve in Germany. Phil Robertson's feeling on gay ducks are yet unkown.

The News As I See It: Fox News host Megyn Kelly says she was just kidding when she said Santa Claus is white. However, she's standing by her statement that the Grinch who stole Christmas is definitely Jewish.

It looks like Hillary Clinton's going to run for President. The digital team behind both of Obama's campaigns is already preparing for the run. They're starting early because they've got to delete 10 years of Bill Clinton's browser history.

An entrepreneur has made a device that can prevent the NSA from spying on you by blocking your laptop's camera. This new high-tech device is called a small piece of tape.

Obama has named a top former Microsoft executive to run and fix the Obamacare website. Hey, how about fixing Windows first?

The U.S. Post Office announced that 2013 is the busiest shipping year ever. 600 million packages were shipped so far and as many as 500,000 of those were actually delivered.

This Date In History: 1790; Samuel Slater built the nation's first cotton mill in Pawtucket, R.I. 1803; The United States purchased the Louisiana territory from France for $15 million. 1860; South Carolina became the first state to secede from the Union.

1968; Author John Steinbeck died at age 66. 1989; The United States invaded Panama and installed a new government but failed to capture General Manuel Antonio Noriega. 1996; Astronomer Carl Sagan died at age 62.

Picture Of The Day: Family patriarch Phil Rpbertson at home on the bayous of Louisiana

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) When asked to help the kids as to my theory on Amelia Earhart's disappearance I said, "Maybe she went Black" and now I don't have to help the with homework any more. 2) I'm taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night. 3) I find it amazing how popular baby Jesus was able to become without his mother posting a single picture of him on Facebook. 4) When it comes to politics I'm an agnostic. I don't believe there's an honest politician nor can I prove that one does not exist. 5) It came to my attention one weekend night when I had been drinking that I would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeSagittarius - December 20th: Your marital status may change this week, either due to some pre-planned marriage or possibly just a typing error on your Obamacare appliction. Either way, love is on the cards for you.

Birthdays: Thomas Graham, chemist 1805, Harvey Samuel Firestone, industrialist 1868, Branch Rickey, American baseball executive 1881, Hazel Hotchkiss Wightman, athlete 1886, Susanne K. Langer, philosopher 1895, Sidney Hook, philosopher 1902, Jenny Agutter, actrss 1952, JoJo actor, singer 1990.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble. He sees two little old ladies in the front seat of a Chevrolet convertible, parked in a used car lot. The car lot is closed so O'Leary drives up alongside the Chevy and asks, "Are you two ladies trying to steal this car?"

One of the ladies replies, "Certainly not! We purchased the car this afternoon." The cop says, "Well, why don't you start it up and drive out of here?" The other little old lady says, "We don't drive, and besides, we are waiting."

The cop asks, "What are you waiting for?" The old lady sitting in the drivers seat replies," We were told that if we ever bought a car from here we would get screwed."

A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would come in with him and be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed.

Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed screwing another man. The husband put a gun to the naked man's head.

The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for your Green Bay Packer season tickets. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership and he even pays the monthly dues!"

Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?" The cabby said, "I'd cover him up with that blanket before he catches a cold!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with you all about drinking and driving after a "social session" with some old friends.

Well, this past Friday, I was out on a post-Thanksgiving evening with a few long-lost old friends. I had a few cocktails, followed by a handful of glasses of good vintage red wine. Despite the jolliness, I still had the sense to know that I was over my limit.

That's when I decided to do what I have never done before. I took a cab home. Sure enough, there was a police road block on the highway but, since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.

This was a both a great relief and surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it from but I made $47.00 on the deal. It's in my garage now and I'm not sure what to do with it.

There were three farmers that wanted to win the state fair contest for having the largest hog. They decided that they should stick a cork in the pig's ass and feed him for a month before the fair. The only problem was that none of them wanted to be the one to stick the cork in.

So they bought a monkey and trained him to stick corks in bottles. After a week or two of this, they stuck the monkey in the pen with the pig and a cork, and after a minute, the monkey did what he was supposed to do. The farmers fed the pig for a month and sure enough, they won first prize.

Once they got home, they realized they still had to take the cork out. So they trained this same monkey to take corks out of bottles. They stuck the monkey in the pen with the pig and the farmers woke up three days later in the hospital with a reporter sitting next to them.

The reporter asked the first farmer, "What is the last thing you remember?" The farmer replied, "Shit flying everywhere." The reporter asked the second farmer the same question and got the same response. When she got to the third farmer and asked him what he could remember, he started laughing.

The reporter asked, "What's so funny?" The farmer, hysterical with laughter, replied, "The last thing I remember is the look on the poor monkey's face as he was trying to stick the cork back in."

That's it for today, my little jungle belles. Remember, you know you're getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you're down there. I'm off to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


Paula said...

When I start falling down I must remember to think what else I can do while I'm down on the floor.

jack69 said...

Until this bearded guy stepped on his dork, I had seen lots of stuff called Duck Dynasty, but had no idea what it was all about. Now it probably don't matter.

He is an equal opportunity guy though, he just pi$$'d off the Gay and Black community in one speech.

But I did enjoy the read, especially the money trying to re-plug!!!
Nite, we left Mickey for a couple weeks.

Rose said...

Duck Dynasty needs to go......
seriously......brainless jerks and they have their own reality show.............

These Reality shows lack substance.

Those beards give me the creeps!

TV truly stinks these days!