Friday, December 25, 2015

Merry Christmas !

Merry Christmas everyone. It's been a beautiful day and I still have 5 days to achieve my goal of going to the gym in 2015. I got a sweater for Christmas but I wanted a moaner or a biter.

I'm posting a bit early today in order to get to an afternoon Christmas dinner and party. Hope everyone has a great day.....!

The News As I See It: According to the Wall Street Journal, people in China aren't that familiar with the "Star Wars" movies, though they might be familiar with some of the toys. Spoiler alert....the elves don't make them!

This Date In History: 1066; William the Conqueror was crowned King of England. 1776; George Washington crossed the Delaware River and surprised the Hessians.

1868; President Andrew Johnson granted an unconditional pardon to all persons involved in the Southern rebellion that resulted in the Civil War.

1926; Hirohito became emperor of Japan. 1977; British film actor, director, and producer Charlie Chaplin died in Switzerland at age 88.

1989; Former Romanian president Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife were executed. 1991; President Mikhail Gorbachev resigned following the disintegration of the Soviet Union.

Picture Of The Day: The good thing about knowing how to copy and paste.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I got a sweater for Christmas. I would have preferred a moaner or a biter.  2) Remember the golden rules this festive season, when shopping in crowded places. Walk slow, stop for no apparent reason and be sure to bring your toddlers so they can run amok. 3) When it comes to politics I'm an agnostic. I don't believe there's an honest politician nor can I prove that one does not exist. 4) I haven't worn a watch in 20 years. Coincidentally, I haven't poured my drink on the floor when asked for the time in 20 years. 5) As my car spun uncontrollably through a crowd of people, my Korean friend screamed, "Hit the Blakes !" I screamed, "I Can't Be That Selective !".....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Capricorn - December 25th: The best thing that today's horoscope holds for you is that you are born the same day as the baby Jesus. Combine this and a bit of Listerine to rid yourself from bad breath after today's Christmas dinner and you'll be in fine shape.

Birthdays: Clara Barton, American Red Cross founder 1821, Helena Rubinstein, cosmetics executive 1870, Maurice Utrillo, painter 1883, Conrad Hilton, business 1887, Robert L. Ripley, cartoonist 1893, Humphrey Bogart, actor 1899, Cab Calloway, band leader 1907, Anwar al-Sadat, Egyptian Political Leader and President 1918, Jimmy Buffett, singer and musician 1946, Barbara Mandrell, country music singer and musician 1948, Sissy Spacek, actress 1949, Dido singer, 1971.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: After eight days of backpacking with his wife, the pair were looking pretty scruffy. One morning, she came to breakfast in a baseball cap, her shoulder length hair sticking out at odd angles.

She said to her husband, "Darling, does my hair make me look like a water buffalo?" The husband thought for a moment, then said, "If I tell you the truth, do you promise not to charge?"

A couple of women moved in the house across the street from two old spinsters, Maude and Thelma. One was a middle-aged gym teacher and the other was a social worker in her mid twenties.

Maude says to Thelma, "These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they're Lebanese?" 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.

He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds.

He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said, "Well, every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"

Prince Charles finds an ancient wine bottle in the cellar of Windsor Castle. When he opens it, a genie flies out and grants him a wish. Charles is ecstatic as just that morning he had reversed his Range Rover over the Queen's favorite corgi and squashed it flat.

He asks the genie to bring back the dog to life as the Queen would be furious and upset. The genie examines the dog which is splattered all over the drive and tells Charles that there is nothing he can do so he'd best chuck the dog in the garbage.

Charles then asks the genie if he could make his girlfriend Camilla Parker-Bowles beautiful as the media were always making fun of her looks. The genie thinks for a moment scratches his head and says, "On second thought, get that dog out of the garbage again!"

That's it for today, my little revelers. Remember, you know you're getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you're down there. I'm heading over to AREA 51 Saturday night for a little partying.

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Have a Merry Christmas weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Merry Christmas Day, and I hope you thoroughly enjoy your sweater.... (I didn't think you needed those in Miami??? ;-)

Scarlet said...

Merry Christmas, Jimmy! Wish I could join you and the others at Area 51! Have a great night!!

Scarlet said...

Merry Christmas, Jimmy! Wish I could join you and the others at Area 51! Have a great night!!