Friday, December 18, 2015
Star Wars (Ad Obnoxium)
The New Star Wars movie has debuted. As far as I know, I never saw the first one, basically because I confuse Star Wars with Star Trek. I saw one of the two on HBO only to fall asleep before seeing the ending.
So-called action movies insult my intelligence. How one person can beat up five people or kill people with ten machine guns with only a pistol is ludicrous. Moreover, every action movie must have the obligatory car flipping over and exploding, with seven different views. Uh, really?
I don't go to the movies because they don't serve scotch and I don't like being around people who talk to the characters on the movie screen. It has been proven that they can't hear you, Tyrone.
If you think about it, sooner or later (sooner nowadays), all movies go to Netflix or Pay-Per-View. If you have even more patience, the movie eventually moves to cable where you can watch it free.
The end result would be you may be a year or two behind, but you'll see them all eventually and avoid all of the dumbass people who insist on camping out in front of a theater to be the first in line.
The News As I See It: Congress ended the federal government’s ban on medical marijuana this weekend. Good news for people with glaucoma as well as people with "glaucoma."
Here's some good news for parents A new survey just came out that says teens in the U.S. are now less likely to drink, smoke or use drugs. It's important, though, to consider the study's margin of error: the fact that no teen is going to tell you they're drinking, smoking or doing drugs.
This Date In History: 1737; Violin maker Antonio Stradivari died in Cremona, Italy. 1787; New Jersey became the third state to ratify the U.S. Constitution. 1865; Slavery was abolished with the ratification of the 13th Amendment to the Constitution.
1892; Tchaikovsky's "The Nutcracker Suite" premiered at St. Petersburg's Maryinksy Theatre. 1944; The Supreme Court upheld the wartime internment of Japanese-Americans. 1956; Japan was admitted to the United Nations.
1957; The Shippingport Atomic Power Station in Pennsylvania became the first civilian nuclear facility to generate electricity in the United States.
1969; The British Parliament abolished the death penalty for murder. 2000; George W. Bush received 271 votes in the delayed Electoral College balloting.
Picture Of The Day: The Force continues.....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The teacher asked the kids to pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Three of the kids picked Internet Explorer 10. 2) Dogs lick each other's asses to show each other they like them - just like politicians. 3) I went to Match dot com. It wasn't to meet women. I went to find a mate for one of my socks. 4) Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they're making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first. 5) I almost hit a deer last night, but then he took back what he said about my mom and we hugged it out.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Sagittarius - December 18th: Your brain is overflowing with truly brilliant ideas. Focus on making your dreams a reality. The future holds many wonderful things, however, many of them exclude you in their plans. A romantic hotel break may be just the thing to spark up your love life this weekend. Bring someone with you this time.....
Birthdays: Paul Klee, artist 1879, Ty Cobb, baseball player 1886, Edwin Armstrong, engineer and radio inventor 1890, Fletcher Henderson, jazz composer and pianist 1897, Benjamin O. Davis, Jr., air force general 1912, Willy Brandt, political leader 1913, Betty Grable, actress 1916, Ossie Davis, actor, director, screenwriter 1917, Ramsey Clark, attorney general 1927, Keith Richards, musician, songwriter 1943, Steven Spielberg, American Film Director 1946, Ray Liotta, actor 1954, Brad Pitt, actor 1963, Arantxa Sanchez Vicario, tennis player 1971, Katie Holmes, actress 1978, Christina Aguilera, singer 1980.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. It never smells and it's always silent.
She continued, "As a matter of fact I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was passing gas because it doesn't smell and it's silent."
The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week, the lady goes back. She says, "Doctor, I don't know what you gave me, but now when I pass gas, it's still silent, but it smells terrible."
The doctor replied, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, we'll start to work on your hearing......
There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year. The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this Christmas season.
This decision is not based on religious reasons - they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol. There was no problem, however, in finding enough asses to fill the stable.
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A woman had bags under her eyes and wanted to get them removed. She went to a plastic surgeon and asks the doctor, "I can't get rid of these bags, can you help me?"
The doctor told he is willing to try a new experimental technique on her. He will put a crank in the back of her head and when she sees bags under her eyes, she is to use the crank and the bags will go away. She gets the crank put in her head and leaves.
It works for a while until one day, she can't get rid of the bags under her eyes. She cranks and cranks as hard as she can, but they just wont go away. So she goes to the doctor.
She says to the doctor, "This was working for a while, but I can't seem to get rid of these bags under my eyes." The doctor replies, "Those aren't bags....those are your boobs." The woman replied, "I guess that explains the goatee.
This morning, from somewhere in Pakistan, the Taliban Minister of Migration warned the United States and Canada that if military action is taken against Syria, Taliban authorities will cut off America's and Canada's only supply of convenience store managers.
If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Visa and Bell customer service representatives. It's getting ugly.....
That's it for today, my little munchkins. Remember, the life you are about to lead contains strong language, adult situations and nudity. Discretion is advised. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !